Bitter Sushi Ladies - November 2011

[wissa19]

Welcome to the November Thread

This is a thread for those who have been TTC for a long time, whether 6 months, 12 months, or more. At this point many of us are at or past 1 or 2 years, many have had losses, many are dealing with various forms of infertility, and some are just in a waiting period until they can TTC again.

The name? Well, all things considered we tend to be a little bitter sometimes. So read with care. And due to everything, our emotions run a little raw like sushi. Too many cycles of BFN and CD1 sushi & sake to console ourselves. This TTC business is something that seems to "just happen" for so many...but we just can't seem to get it right. So this is where we can be together, share and express anything.

Current Bitter Sushi Ladies
 

bootsvalentine
32, TTC #1 since 06/10, diagnosed with PCOS 11/11, first Clomid cycle 11/11

cbaa2010

TTC # 1 since Oct 2010

enigo

Has one beautiful son, trying to conceive after three losses

Gemmine

me(27) & DH (28) TTC #1 since July 2010 with 1 loss April 2011 (5 weeks)

IsisandOsiris

TTC #1 since August 2009

jennabella

TTC #2 since July 2009, with a loss in February 2010 and a loss in July 2010

kinza

TTC #1 since November 2008, with PCOS and Male Factor

kittenbritches

TTC #3 since May 2010

kparker

TTC #1 since 9/08 with male factor, IUI #4 ???

 lilmom

36, TTC #2 for 2 years with PCOS and rarely ovulating

littlest birds

TTC for 16+ months after VR

monkeyscience

me (27) and dh (25) TTC #1 with PCOS since 6/10 - waiting till May 2012 to decide on further interventions 

Objet_Trouve

TTC #1 since Jan 2010 with PCOS

rcr

TTC since December 2007 with 1 failed IVF, 5 failed injectable IUIs, and now on to 2nd IVF in December 2011. Trying to keep hope alive.
Smilesarefree

36 year old mom of one wonderful dd trying for another since April 2010

Sourire

TTC #1 since August 2010

Wissa19

Wissa19 (33), DH (39) sweet buddy (12/07), TTC #2 since 06/09

yoyonana

34 , DH 31, TTC for 3 years, done all kinds of tests, unexplained infertilitty

In our thoughts, on hold, and/or waiting

milk8shake

 TTC#1 since April 2009 - taking a much needed break after five losses - saga to be continued mid 2012

AGreenMum10

silverbird

- ttc #1 since June 2010, after a two year delay for illness. Husband passed away 5/25/11

mi_dawn -

lost baby William (born still 4/09) and two m/c in 09.

BSL BFPs!!! Stick little babies, stick, stick, stick...

calycanth - due 6/23/11

LessTravaledBy - due 6/24/12

CA Country Girl - due 6/26/12

Praha - due 6/11/12

Sweetest77 - due 5/20/12

TandN - due 5/17/12

Kyamo - due 3/7/2012

MommyMatsumoto - due 1/2012

Emaya - due 1/2012

Sweet.Bee - due 1/15/2012

lavatea - due 12/2011

 Rachel88 - due 11/20/2011

Waiting on an update...

BSL BABIES

Code Name Mama - Ailia Genevieve 11/24/11

miriam bat avraham- Talulah and Susannah 11/11/11

grahnola mum/GMUM - baby girl 10/6/11

Jane -  baby boy 9/30/11

borobaby - River Ann 9/19/11

justthinkin - baby boy 8/27/11

Maurine - Phin 7/20/11

Tear 78 - Anika 7/15/11

slylives - Cameron 6/15/11

kalamos23 - baby boy 4/28/11

xtara2003x - Emerson Rae 4/27/11

jenniferadurham - Ryan born 3/28/11

Nanette56 - Tristan and Cael born 3/18/11

finnegansmom - Henry born 2/11

jessica_s - Asher Kingston 1/20/11

LINK to our graduates thread - Winter 2011/2010 Edition!

Please let the threadkeeper (wissa19) know if your info needs to be updated.

New ladies are always welcome, but please join with care.

Please put all notes for changes or additions to this post in bold! Thank you!!

Edited by wissa19 - 12/1/11 at 5:47am

[wissa19]

I've started the November Thread.  Let's hear it for some November BSL BFPs!!!  We've had a couple for the past two months. 

Unfortunately, two of those were not be.  Thinking of you GreenMum and Milkshake!! 

As the thread has gone quiet I thought I would ask those of us remaining a couple of questions...

1.  What have you learned about yourself that you didn't know before your struggle with IF?

2.  What's one of the craziest things you've done for TTC?  Things that people without IF would think insane?

[toothfairy2be]

Thanks for the new thread wissa! I'm just back from vacation & at work, but I love the questions & I'll answer them tomorrow. Thinking of you all

[Milk8shake]

1.  What have you learned about yourself that you didn't know before your struggle with IF?

That the desire for a baby can overpower any other single emotion or desire.

I used to be one of those women who thought "you're obviously not meant to have kids" if I heard about someone having multiple miscarriages, and I used to wonder how they could keep going back for more.  Now I know. 

2.  What's one of the craziest things you've done for TTC?  Things that people without IF would think insane?

Not really TTC, but I took 10... yes, TEN hpts with my last pregnancy. All of them FRERS, approximate cost: $70

I think even DP would die if he knew that.  I mean, he knows I'm obsessive, he just doesn't know the monetary value of that obsession.

[toothfairy2be]

Well when I read them earlier they were such great questions... now I'm having a much harder time answering them...

1.  What have you learned about yourself that you didn't know before your struggle with IF?

I now understand how people keep trying to have a baby, before IF I always felt like 'at some point don't you just give up', now I can see that every month feels like a new opportunity to try again (even if at 8 dpo you don't think you could ever ever ever survive another cycle). I feel like on CD1 is so sad and somehow after 2 or 3 days a new light of hope emerges, and 'this cycle could be different'.

2.  What's one of the craziest things you've done for TTC?  Things that people without IF would think insane?

Oh there are a few, most people I know think charting is insane... I have a whole 'pharmacy' of vitamins and herbs-- drops, powders, pills, capsules, teas, you name it, I've probably tried it.... Amazon.com probably thinks I run a fertility clinic with the amount of OPKs, HPTs, & preseed I've bought. `I think anyone without IF would think the amount of money I have spent TTC is absolute craziness... sometimes I think it is craziness... but really... at some point, I just can't give up.

That said, I have my follow up tomorrow with my RE to see what the plan is for my next cycle. I was off everything this cycle because they couldn't get me in until now. I've been spotting since 3 dpo, I just don't understand why my cycles have just gotten worse and worse since we started TTC. That and officially reaching the year mark TTC, let's just say I've eaten a lot of Halloween candy (our trick or treating was postponed due to a freak snowstorm that dumped 6-20 inches in our area- so I have 4 bags here!).

[lilmom]

Thanks for the new thread Wissa! My computer crashed last night, after I packed all day. I was planning on volunteering for the new thread, so maybe I can just do December instead, since Nov. has proven to be crazy already for me!

As for the questions:

1) I have learned that above all, I am not a quitter. I am going to keep on trying. So, if ever there was any doubt about me not having the ability to keep on going and going, this has definitely answered that question. I also have learned that the first time around, it was the desire to be the mother that bore a hole through my heart. This time I have learned that the desire your child feels to have a sibling can be every bit as motivating, even when I feel down or like it will never happen, I keep going because my son would be an amazing brother, and I will do whatever I have to do to give him that chance.

By the way, Milkshake, I also agree with you that prior to IF I would have probably questioned why people keep going after years, or after many losses. Not anymore.

2) I think people would think nearly everything I do is crazy! Charting, I've done various herbs, maca, acupuncture, chiropractic for fertility, now royal jelly and coming up soon fertility drugs. I also tend to be a little superstitious and I am excited that O time should be around the EXACT same dates that we conceived DS 5 yrs ago. I hope this is my fertile time of year. I'm sure alot of people would think that's crazy for me to think that there is a more fertile time of year for each individual woman but I do believe that it's true. : ) Also, my uncle says, "There are always cold-snap babies. You watch, when that first cold-snap of the year comes, 9 months later, there will be babies!" I'm hoping this will be my second time to get a cold-snap baby!!!!! You know, some people might even say it's crazy for me to think it could still happen for me, at 36, after over 2 yrs of trying and one loss, with pcos. But see #1, I'm not quitting.

The update for today. Still no AF, however, I have a pounding headache that I think may be the "period headache". Which means she'll be showing up tomorrow. But then again, I did temp this morning and I had a good high post-O type temp. We'll see what happens tomorrow. I feel super nauseous tonight, but that could just be me getting a migraine. I didn't think it would take this long post progesterone for me to start. But maybe because I am super stressed it's slowing everything down. I'll keep y'all posted.

cbaa- good luck at the RE..hope you get a great plan going.

[wissa19]

Thanks so much for the open and honest answers ladies.  It's amazing to find women who I can finally relate too and not feel so alone.  Now I guess I should answer my own questions.

 1.  What have you learned about yourself that you didn't know before your struggle with IF?

I always new I was stubborn and I guess IF proves it because month after month I keep trying.  In an ironic twist of fate I have learned how to lose weight. ;)  Of course, I would rather have kept all the weight and have precious baby.  I think what I've really learned the most about myself is that my faith is real.  There have been many times I've felt like why is this my journey, but I always keep believing that God is in control. 

2.  What's one of the craziest things you've done for TTC?  Things that people without IF would think insane?

Aside from all the opks and herbs and I think my google mania would surprise people. The hours I have spent doing the same searches over and over just trying to find some kind of answer. Oh, and there's the going to different stores to by the opks and pregnancy tests...I didn't want the same store clerk to see me buying the same thing month after month.

 cbaa - Good Luck with the RE apptointment.

 lilmom - In your case I'm going to say yeah for AF soon, so you can start clomid.  I hope the clomid works for you!  December can be your month!

I'm at CD24.  I believe AF will start around the end of next week.  Next cycle I'm going try to do a monitored letrozole cycle w/trigger shot again.  Emotionally, I really don't want too, but logically I have too!  Since the surgery our copay is met and insurance will now pay for most the treatment.  Also, I need to try again before that tube grows back over. 

[toothfairy2be]

Originally Posted by wissa19 

2.  What's one of the craziest things you've done for TTC?  Things that people without IF would think insane?

Aside from all the opks and herbs and I think my google mania would surprise people. The hours I have spent doing the same searches over and over just trying to find some kind of answer.

I forgot about that one... DrGoogle has all (but mostly none) of the answers... and a lot of my free time!

[monkeyscience]

Thanks for the new thread, wissa! If you have any questions about linking things or whatever, just PM me - I'm happy to help.

The rest of this is C&P'd from the Infertility One thread. I just don't have the mental energy to rewrite it all.

Sorry for the radio silence. I have been skimming, but not feeling up to replying. I've been very busy helping SIL, and just in a very bad mental place about TTC. I am probably going to stick to minimal time around here for awhile, at least until I can get to a better place emotionally.

For right now, after meeting with a new OB/GYN, dh and I are starting on the South Beach diet. I'm about 20% through the book, and a lot of it makes sense to me, though there are parts of it that give me pause. (Dr. didn't put dh on the diet, just me, but dh has also chunked up a lot recently and it'll be a lot easier if we do it together.) Also, assuming I ovulate at some point in the next couple of months and don't get pregnant, I'll be starting BCPs to help me lose weight and to get my testosterone under control, with a recommendation I may or may not take to do Clomid when we're ready to get aggressive with TTC. This doc was the first to actually explain to me why BCPs could help with PCOS. Basically, it shuts down a whole signalling pathway that leads to egg development, but also leads to testosterone production. Also, it causes the body to produce more SHBG, which basically soaks up a lot of the testosterone in the blood stream. Because it shuts down FSH production as part of the whole signaling shutdown, it actually causes the ovaries to make more FSH receptors, making them more responsive to FSH for awhile after the BCPs are stopped.

I'm still kind of hoping for a pregnancy this cycle (I'm on CD15 today, and actually using OPKs this time), but I think I'm okay with the BCPs if it doesn't happen. At least it takes out the wondering if I'm pregnant, wondering if I'm ovulating uncertainty in my life. And if I can lose weight, that will only improve my fertility. Not that I'm too badly overweight - my BMI is about 26, but I'm 20 lbs heavier than I've ever been in my life, prior to a year or so ago. I will definitely like myself better if I can drop 25-30 lbs.

In the meantime, hope everything goes fantastically for everyone else, and I'll post more when I'm less busy and morose. (Though spending time with my niece and SIL is generally quite good for my mood!)

Oh, and something I forgot to say - I talked to my new OB/GYN about progesterone, and he called it "medical voodoo" along with 90% of what fertility docs do. He and his wife dealt with infertility for 8.5 years, and he says a lot of fertility docs don't have studies to back up their practices. Obviously, they do lots of things that work, but some of it is just tradition, more or less. He told me there are NO studies saying progesterone is helpful, unless you have an established history of miscarriage or LP defect, but that EVERY RE will tell you to take it. Having him say that almost made up for the fact that I didn't get to see him until 1.5 HOURS after my scheduled appointment - when I arrived early/on time. But he didn't rush our visit, either. So, we will see.

[wissa19]

cbaa - Dr. Google - lol  :)

monkey - Glad to hear the meeting with your new Doctor went well. I know you had been nervous about meeting with a male Dr.  It sounds like you have a plan and that's always a good thing!  I like the South Beach Diet it's a lot like just cutting carbs.  I did that and worked out for 20-30 mins during the week and lost a lot of weight.  I think when it comes to fertility Docotors they tend to do what has worked the most for them!  Now that can be good or it can be bad!   I'm pretty sure every RE gives progesterone out after a medicated cycle because if they don't and the woman has a mc ....  it's all about well why didn't you give that to me.  Mine will actually check progesterone levels before giving it to you at least. 

Some times us TTCers need a break to renew and refresh.  I'm sure you'll come back better than ever!!  and maybe with a baby (ummm but then you wouldn't be TTC).  ;)

[lilmom]

monkey-I'm so glad you liked the new doc. Also, when I got pg with DS, Dh and I were doing the South Beach diet. Amongst many other things..but you know, my ob.gyn at the time said he had seen several patients get pg on it. We tried it again since then and it didn't get us a baby, but it definitely does help with losing weight!! Which can't hurt, right? We try to eat a modified version of the South Beach all the time really..but we do have carbs just not as much as the norm I guess. Anyway, sorry to hear you are feeling so low about ttc but a break can really help sometimes!! I hope you'll come back to us refreshed!

wissa- I totally get the not feeling like you want to right now, but having to keep going! I have been there before. I hope this is going to be THE cycle for you!!!

AFM- I was wrong. It wasn't the period headache. In fact, I woke up with no headache, and temps still high. Which has got me feeling hopeful, although I'm not sure when I O'ed. I was pretty sure I hadn't O'ed, but now I feel like I probably did. I just haven't done a great job temping this cycle, so not having several days of temps is really making it hard to figure out for sure if I O'ed but I am most definitely having post O temps now, and based on the last fertile cm i saw, I would say I probably O'ed 9-11 days ago. My breasts are still tender, and they were the whole time I was on the progesterone, so I assumed that would quit and AF would show, but still no sign of her. I've also been feeling dizzy off and on. Woke up feeling dizzy today, and then a couple of times today I felt dizzy again, for no apparent reason. So if I am NOT pg, then I hope there isn't something seriously wrong! DH is feeling very hopeful. I'm not quite to the level of his optimism, I still think AF will show in the next day or two. If not, I will test in about 5 days. Then if I did O, I would be at 14dpo at the very least. I'm scared to get my hopes up. But of course, I am. Ugh. I was so sure I was out, but now i am wondering if the progesterone helped me out. Monkey, if I get a bfp I am going to have to poopoo your doc's idea that progesterone is medical voodoo.

[Kinza]

Thanks for the new thread, wissa, and good questions that I will try to answer later.  I had my egg retrieval today and we have 17 eggs.  We'll find out tomorrow about fertilization, but everything looks good today and we are on for transfer on Monday.  I feel pretty crappy, so I'll go for now.  I was just excited about the nice eggs and wanted to share.

[toothfairy2be]

Sounds great Kinza- I'll send up some prayers for successful fertilization and ET on Monday!

[CA Country Girl]

Hello ladies-

Just checking in.  I am keeping tabs on you all.  I feel more connected to this thread than any others and I am hoping it is ok that I drop by now and then.

Kinza- so happy about all the lovely little eggs!  Sounds like great odds.  

Lilmom- sounds hopeful.  Keeping my fingers crossed for you!  My five year old's desire for a sibling was the hardest thing for me when TTC.

Monkey-I hope the South Beach Diet goes well.  Hubby and I were pretty much on a Mediterranean diet the last six months.  We both lost about twenty pounds.

Wissa- good luck with the next cycle (letrozole and trigger)

Cbaa- I heard about the huge snows.  I am trying not too eat too much of my daughter's Halloween haul.

Milkshake- Hugs to you.  Was thinking of you as I snuggled my sweet puppy who is all healed up from his run in with barbed wire, but still crazy.

AFM-

Six weeks along today.  Feeling happy about even my uncomfortable symptoms.  There are many pregnant on the first try or not trying at all in my DDC, and even some that claim they really didn't want another but are getting used to the idea.  I have tried not to let it get me angry, but it seems terribly unfair.  To add to the conversation: while TTC, I learned that I was much more superstitious then I ever thought, I looked for signs all around me.  My craziest moments probably have to do with this too.  

[LessTraveledBy]

Still reading here, and thinking of all of you.

Good luck, Kinza!

Monkey, very interesting about the pill. I also do the best on a low carb diet. TBH, it is the only thing helping me to not gain weight. I will say, though, that the results can be BAAAD, if one gets used to high fat and protein (well, compared to the SAD), and then starts to raise carbs too much...

For those that have followed the whole fostering story of ours, it looks like the foster baby will leave in about a month. Whether that is good or bad, I try not to think. In theory I would like to be open to other placements right after. However, in all honesty, it has been very hard in the past two weeks, due to tiredness and morning sickness. (I had always wondered how those moms keep going that have babies who are very closely spaced... I guess I now know, though nursing while pregnant would be a whole other thing, yet.) I think some foster families don't accept placements during Christmas, so if I am feeling well enough, I think we might. The problem is that we never know how long a baby might stay and I am due 6 months from Christmas eve. We have been very blessed in this situation because this little one sleeps well and is mostly very calm and happy. I could not imagine looking after someone like our dd, who did not sleep, while feeling the way I do. Anyway.... Just counting our blessings, even when they are hard.

[wissa19]

Kinza - yeah for good eggs!  Sorry you are feeling "crappy", but hope everything goes well and you get your transfer on Monday.  :)

CountryGirl - Glad all is going well at six weeks...hope you have very unevenful pregancy.

LTB - It is amazing what you can do when you have too.  Maybe the morning sickness and tiredness will pass quickly. 

[Milk8shake]

Originally Posted by CA Country Girl 

Milkshake- Hugs to you.  Was thinking of you as I snuggled my sweet puppy who is all healed up from his run in with barbed wire, but still crazy.

Thanks I don't know what I would do without my little boy.  I'm glad that yours is all better now.

I'm managing.  Not exactly what you would call fully functional, but passable.  Everything just exhausts me.

We went away for DP's work Christmas function over the weekend.  Dinner, show, after show pub crawl, hotel room for the night - all expenses paid.  His bosses are pretty generous.

It was a BIG weekend, and we both got pretty drunk!  I think we needed to let off a bit of steam.  Anyway, we both had a good time, and luckily it wasn't really conducive to "family" so we didn't have to deal with any children.  And I just walked away whenever they came up in conversation.
 

[Kinza]

milkshake, good to see you are managing.  I've been wondering.

This post is all about me again.  (Sorry.)  We had 14 wonderful embryos today available for transfer, so we chose to transfer two, at the doctor's suggestion.  We had originally planned to transfer three, but he said that if we did that there was a very real chance we'd end up with triplets, and if an embryo divided into identicals, even more.  No guarantees, but the doctor was very optimistic we'd get at least a singleton pregnancy this way.  Any embryos that make it to blast-stage on Friday will be frozen for later use.  So we are nervous wrecks but getting cautiously excited, I guess.  So until Friday, I get to do the modified bed-rest thing (I can get up to go to the bathroom or get something out of the fridge).  Beta is on November 21.

[wissa19]

Kinza - Sounds like good news!  I can understand being on the conservative side ;).  Whew, Triplets would be alot.  Enjoy your bed rest and I hope those embryos dig in! ... I'm sure the 21st seems like a year from now to you. Hope you don't mind me asking, but for how long can you freeze embryos?  Just curious...

milkshake - Glad to hear you are least passable.  The exhaustion is just from being emotionally drained...I'll bet.  Hope with time you will feel better and stronger.

[Kyamo]

Originally Posted by Kinza 

milkshake, good to see you are managing.  I've been wondering.

This post is all about me again.  (Sorry.)  We had 14 wonderful embryos today available for transfer, so we chose to transfer two, at the doctor's suggestion.  We had originally planned to transfer three, but he said that if we did that there was a very real chance we'd end up with triplets, and if an embryo divided into identicals, even more.  No guarantees, but the doctor was very optimistic we'd get at least a singleton pregnancy this way.  Any embryos that make it to blast-stage on Friday will be frozen for later use.  So we are nervous wrecks but getting cautiously excited, I guess.  So until Friday, I get to do the modified bed-rest thing (I can get up to go to the bathroom or get something out of the fridge).  Beta is on November 21.

Wow, 14 embryos! That's awesome. for sticky embryos!