fear of tearing...

[paranoidprego]

I am 23 weeks pg with #4 and I am more nervous with this pregnancy than any of my others (ok, maybe not the breech one:).  I have been blessed to have 3 great, short wonderful deliveries.  the only problem is I am really anxious and not looking forward to this birth.  I am pessimistic by nature, unfortunately, but all i can think about is that my luck has run out for having great births.  With #1, i tore minimally (1-2 stitches), pushed for 1 hour.  #2 was a breech, vaginal delivery and the doc did a pretty significant episiotomy.  #3 I pushed for 20 minutes and tore 4th degree!  I hear all these stories of women who push 3 times and baby is out and I have never been able to get these babies out in less than 20 minutes and without tearing another hole in my body.  Is this just the way I am supposed to birth?  Am i just not good at pushing and cause the tears?  my babies are normal size - the last one was 7# 11 oz, 20 inches.  is there anything I can be doing now until the end to give myself a fighting chance?  I am currently reading Hypnobirthing book hoping to get rid of some of these negative thoughts.  I really thought that I would get better at this with each baby :)

thanks!

[Just1More]

It isn't surprising that you tore after the episiotomy with your previous birth.  Sorry about that.

What position do you birth in?  I always birth upright, standing/squatting, and didn't tear at all with my last 2 births.  Only had a bit of skid mark with my second, along the line of the tear of my first.  My first was born in a hospital, flat on my back, 3 or so stitches.  (I have four dc).

I also am upright throughout the whole of my labor.  I think it speeds it, and the constant pressure allows those tissues to have time to adjust and stretch. 

I'd focus on hydration, position, and relaxing.  :)

[paranoidprego]

My last birth I was on my knees with my body supported.  Who knows why!  Wish I didn't have that blasted episiotomy, but at least he let me birth my breech naturally:)

[Just1More]

Another thought is to breathe the baby down.  That idea was a joke with 3 of my 4 births, but with my third it totally made sense.  I just let go and slowly let my body do its thing.  I didn't push until the very end when I decided I was done with it all (and her head was already out).  Actually, with my last two, I pushed without a contraction at the end.  I was just done.   Anyway, the "breathing down" was a pretty amazing, and incredibly gentle experience.

On the same line of thinking, are you only pushing when you want to?  Or are you directed?  Do you push before you feel an uncontrollable urge? 

[paranoidprego]

I just read about breathing the baby down in the Hypnobirthing book.  it just briefly mentioned it (I am only in the beginning), so i am interested in learning more about his.  i wasn't directed to push (my midwife and doula were great), but I think i was pushing with every contraction probably because i thought that is what i should do?  if you feel the urge to push, do you push or just let it go?  you would think its my first baby the way i am sounding :)

[MrsSlocombe]

I am having this same worry, and this will be my first birth!  I was discussing this with a friend, and she said,

1) That slowness is everything.  Pushing too much, instead of letting the baby out gradually, is the top cause of tears in her opinion.

2) As Just1More said, my friend also said that the back was the worst position, and squatting is better.  Of course, it doesn't sound like this worked for you, and I'm sorry to hear it.  :-(

3) My friend had her husband do perineal massage, which she enjoyed, and thinks (but can't be sure) was helpful.  She only had a very small tear.

[belltree]

I also wanted to add that counterpressure seems to help some woman. I don't think there is a miracle method to prevent tearing.

[Just1More]

I think the point is don't fight it.  Just let go and let your body do it.  It sounds so hard to do, and in the moment it sort of is, but once you do let go, you really feel the difference.  I wasn't fighting or supressing the pushing urge, I was just not bearing down really hard with it.  Have you ever seen a dog have puppies?  The sensation really reminded me of what I saw then.  The ,mama dog just totally relaxed, though it was evident her body was working very hard, and pushing.  And, no, I don't push with every contraction.  I only push when I want to or when I can't help it. 
 

Originally Posted by paranoidprego 

I just read about breathing the baby down in the Hypnobirthing book.  it just briefly mentioned it (I am only in the beginning), so i am interested in learning more about his.  i wasn't directed to push (my midwife and doula were great), but I think i was pushing with every contraction probably because i thought that is what i should do?  if you feel the urge to push, do you push or just let it go?  you would think its my first baby the way i am sounding :)