November Dating Thread! Let's snuggle up for the winter with the right wintertime companion!

[Butterflymom]

Hello, ladies!  Sorry I've been a little MIA.....  

Can we do a roll call and 'check in' ?

[Belle703]

Hi everyone!  I'm new to MDC and to being a single parent.  I'm hoping to frequent here and get to know everyone. 

[Murph12334]

Hi there!  Me and the boyfriend are doing wonderful.  Me and the (i wish he were my) ex are not doing well and things are going to get bad soon it looks like.  I so wish I had the money for the divorce so I could just be rid of him.  I'm tired of games and tricks and one up's he does.  It's just pitiful.

[goodmomma76]

Hi guys!! I haven't posted here much but I came on here looking for a place to feel this dating crap out.  I was reading through October's thread to see what this thread was all about...and now I have questions!!! LOL 

1. The question for last month about introducing your friend to your kids...seriously if you never get a break, how do you have a life without doing that?  Like my STBX is gone 6 weeks at a time, and I have no breaks, as my older kids are also refusing to go to their dads.  So...he's just been hanging out at our house...

2.  And so, I'm not even divorced yet.  Coming from an abused relationship that I spent 3 years trying to get unraveled from. I filed 8 months ago, so separated for 8 months legally, no end in sight, with him living mostly away from our home for about 20 months.  Is it too soon to date??  I said I wasn't going to, then at a vow renewal for mutual friends, this extraordinarily sweet man, tells our mutual friend, I HAVE to have a date with that gorgeous blonde.  So here we are and, you know what, I'm having more fun than I thought I would.  And I told him just as friends, but over the last couple of weeks, it feels a bit deeper.

3. And so comes to yesterday when we had kinda plans for me to make him lunch at some point bc we were too busy to see each other otherwise, and he didn't call, or answer my text until 3 hours later.  He was very sick and feverish, and in bed.  But I still think he should have called, but he says he was asleep and just woke up from the sinus medicine, and I believe him, but I'm scared of being taken advantage of, well not taken advantage of, but he's been nothing but sweet otherwise, extraordinarilly so, but I feel bad being bothered that he was sick and didn't call, feels wrong, is it? KWIM?  Is it naive to believe him?

Ok well TIA.

[Mom31]

I think it depends on your kids and circumstances to when you introduce guys.

My kids I worry will get to attatched so I want to wait till it's serious.... that said I am introducing a new guy to dd this weekend.  Not ds tho cause he will be more effected by it. ANd I think doing one kid at a time makes it easier to handle stress wise for me.

You may need more healing time before you get into another situation. I know my picker was broke and guys I dated right after divorce were total losers ... I just wanted someone to love me.

Its now been 4 years and my picker is no longer broke and I am not giving off the needy i am crazy vibes and attracting to many jerks now- I now know my worth and am not looking to settle...

For the last one men are men.... that does not sound unusual to me I would not make a big deal just say you would have appreciated a text or call as you were worried so for next time if he could try to think of that.

HUGS!  Glad you got out of an abusive relationship I hope it goes smooth.

[mimim]

My take on your questions, goodmomma:

1. I am of the opinion that it is better to get to know a person for a while before bringing them into the kids' lives. You don't want your kids to have to go through a break up too of it happens to come along quickly and it could have been avoided. Babysitters are expensive, I know, but often other families are interested in doing co-op playdate-type babysitting swaps. Do you have friends or relatives who might like to trade off date night babysitting with you maybe?

2. Only you know if you are ready to date yet, but often I think this is one of those "if you have to ask, you probably already know the answer and don't like it" kind of questions. Why did you tell yourself you wouldn't date yet and then do it anyway?

3. It depends on how "kinda" those plans were. If you were expecting him and he knew it, it's really inconsiderate of him to just stand you up without notice. I would probably let this one slide, but it might put me on my guard for future unreliability.



Roll Call: I'm Molly, three kids, been split from my exh for about 4 years. I'm not currently dating at all, although I might if someone absolutely awesome fell in my lap, which isn't likely. I still dig these dating threads though. But where is everyone? I notice that October was really slow and November seems to be heading in the same direction...

[hazeldust]

Hey! Single mother to three here, not actively dating..think I need a little break to get my ducks in a row, but always keeping my eyes open 'just in case'. It has been quiet in here lately, lol, so I thought I'd chime in;-)

Edited by hazeldust - 11/5/11 at 12:34am

[rubelin]

Checking in   I follow along with these threads all the time but mostly post my dating info on the private board since I had a ex-bf stalk me here.

I've been single for nearly 4.5 yrs now, had a bf for the first year after XH moved out and then only dated sporadically since then. Been dating my sweetie (who I call Data on here) for a couple of months now and it's going very well. We're taking it pretty slow but spending time together on my kid-free nights and weekends. I'd like my boys to meet him soon, since I'm looking for long-term and don't want to continue seeing him if they don't all get along great. We'll also take them meeting very slowly, just an hour here and there for a while (he's working most of the time when they are with me and awake anyway)

[mimim]

Originally Posted by rubelin 

I follow along with these threads all the time but mostly post my dating info on the private board since I had a ex-bf stalk me here.

This is something that everyone on here should consider. Both my exh and exbf have been known to read my posts in this forum. I'm not consistently active enough to stay a member in the private forum and neither one of them would be interested in reading on here any more anyway, but everybody should be cautious about posting anything that could be used against them!

[Mom31]

I think most partake in the private forum

[Hollycrand]

I'm still waiting for my access to the private forum (hint hint moderators!!!!!)

[DCMama01]

How do you become a part of the private room? I don't have a real concern with internet stalking. My ex is not big on using the internet and wouldn't care what I was doing anyway.

I am dating sporadically. Been working more and hanging with GFs in my downtime. My most recent date was 2-3 weeks ago. We're still talking but both really busy and have opposing schedules. Cool guy. Don't think its long term potential but thats fine. I will mention more details about him at a later date if things take off.

I met this other guy in September while on vacation (with GFs) in FL. Nice guy who seems like he'd be good with kids (he works with kids), but he's YOUNG. I'm 28 and he's 24. If we were in our 30s, I wouldnt care, but I think there's usually a big difference at our current ages. We hit it off REALLY well when I was there, so much so that he offered to fly me back the following weekend.lol Let's call him Youngin for now.

There are a couple of other guys I have interest in...one is a guy I workwith who I see in passing. We speak when we see each other, but I can't gauge if he's just friendly or interested in more. I did catch him checking my ringer one day though.lol Its weird, because I get the impression we both are interested, but don't want to flirt and be wrong. That would be AWKWARD. In the meantime, we both (but him especially) initiate idle conversation sometimes just to have something to say. He's in the type of position where he'd need to be sure I was interested or it could look poorly on him to come on to me. I need to check his ring finger, but keep forgetting to. The other guy is a friend of a friend and I think he's just getting out of something (don't think he's officially unattached yet) so I definitely wouldnt go there at this time. My friend says he's a nice guy though. I ran into him randomly yesterday at a house party. Ended up talking to him a couple times, but this other guy kept cutting in to talk to me (an old buddy of mine).

I'm pretty lucky in that my mom loves to take my daughter 1-2 nights on weekends. My mom divorced at my age and completely understands my need to have a social life. To say I'm blessed would be an understatement. I dont plan for my daughter to meet anyone before the 6 month mark.

[TiredX4]

I have been a single mom since January of 2008. Have been seeing my boyfriend since May of this year. We are now engaged but will

nit be married until sometime next year. MY 17 year old daughter does not like him at all. I do not know  what to do about that. My 3  boys

get along with him. He has tried to be nice to her.

[goodmomma76]

Thanks everyone!!!!  I feel better about introducing him to the kids, my 2 year old pays him no attention, and the big kids wanted to meet him, they begged, and they are almost 14 and 17, so I let it be their option, with the warning, that I have no idea where this might go!  And the dating thing...everyone keeps telling me 2 years, 2 years blah blah take it slow.  And I get that, and I wasn't looking for this, or expecting it, nothing, not like last time. I just went to a friend's wedding!  But I'm having fun, and we've discussed that I'm not even divorced yet, and I want to take this slow, and so does he.  He wants to date for a LONG time too.  So we seem to be on the same page of just hanging out and having fun and getting to know each other.  I'm on guard.

Congrats everyone on dating!!!!

[lucifugous]

Hi I'm mama to a three year old, have had my own place for about half a year now (we were "split" for a while but cohabitated until we could afford separate places because we were in a really tough spot financially).

I am lonely. I know there is something in my attitude or posture (hey that's better than calling it luck right? definitely a little good old fashioned bassackwardness of human nature in there too tho!) that stops me from finding the connections I crave. Sometimes I get hyperverbal, so when I'm happy to have found someone I click with or can relate to I scare them off.

[mimim]

TiredX4, what is it that your daughter doesn't like about him? Is it personal or just that she doesn't like Mom having a boyfriend?

Well anyway, somebody who appears to be absolutely awesome fell into my lap, just about as soon as I posted on this thread that I doubted it would happen. I've known him on an extremely superficial level for a while, but he texted me to ask me if we could hang out and talk about politics after he saw a picture of me taken at Occupy Chicago. When I paused to think about it, I realized that he is really cute and seems intelligent and had refrained from rudely hitting on me or anything previously, so we went out last night and had a really great time. We are 100% on the same page when it comes to politics and he's really well informed, which has me entirely weak-kneed even still this morning. It's too soon to tell if anything will develop with him, but I can see lots of potential. Wish me luck!

[Butterflymom]

LUCK!!!!!!!

[mimim]

Thanks for the luck, Butterfly. It seems to have worked.

There's no more doubt in my mind that I'll have an opportunity to get to know this guy better at this point, because we had an even more fun time last night. We discovered some more very interesting and probably unusual things we have in common...

[rubelin]

I'm so happy for you, Molly! Have fun with the getting to know you part =)

[Butterflymom]

What do you think, guys, should we move our thread to the private forum?