Need resources for husband on birth and recovery....

[Mommie22]

Let me start by saying that I don't have the best relationship with my husband. He's often selfish and does little to help me around the house. When my son was born at home, I hemorrhaged and ended up in the hospital for 4 days with a blood transfusion. It was a very trying time for me. My husband expected me to bounce right back and wasn't very sensitive about my privacy or inability to resume normal household routines. He pushed me too hard which aided in depression. I didn't even realize it until years later when I looked at the pictures and realized how unhappy I was. I was too proud and weak to stand up for myself back then. Now 6 years later, I feel that I need to really prepare him for my post birth recovery, even though I don't expect it to be as extreme as it was the first time. What made me think about this recently was the vacation he was planning for two months after the baby is born, a long road trip. I told him that the baby and I might not be ready for that, but he looked at me like I was being a dramatist and told me it's 8 weeks after I'm expected to give birth. Again, totally insensitive. I just don't think he realizes what goes into those first few months. I've learned how to put my foot down and did, I would just like some resources for him so that he understands that the baby and I need to drive our own readiness for this and that it's not up to him. Any good recommendations on books or videos?

[belltree]

I am not sure I have good resources for you. But I wanted to share my story and feeling (and maybe you can share these, and others?) with your husband. After the birth of my first child, I was able to take 3 weeks of from work. I was so stressed, I was crying a lot, establishing breastfeeding took over 3 months, my recovery lasted well into the 2nd year of my child's life (not healing scars, painful intercourse). I was exhausted. I wish I would have taken better care of myself, time to let let  my body heal, rest and regain its energy. Traditionally in many cultures the women rest for 6 weeks/40days, where they are not supposed to do any household, don't spend a lot of time outside the house, even outside the bed.

Yes, there is the occasional woman that bounces back to full strength in a matter of days, but I haven't really met them yet. A long road trip might be possible, but it could also be harmful to your health adding stress, an easier vacation staying one location might be more enjoyable for everyone involved.