Starting daycare

[remymom]

My son is almost 9 months old and will be starting day care in a month. I'm fairly lucky in that he will be starting progressively and I want to take the time to make sure the transition goes as well as possible. He's going to start 3 days a week at first. I was self-employed before my maternity leave so I don't have a job to go back to but will be looking for work. Our family situation is a bit precarious as my husband is also freelance but hasn't been having a very good year and has been looking for full and part-time work. So I'm not sure for how long I'll be able to send my son 3 days a week as the reality of our finances may force me into working more than I'd really like to.

I know lots of moms work full-time and it's not everyone's luxury to stay at home or have flexible, part-time hours. I consider myself lucky to have spent as much time at home with my son (I am in Canada so mat leaves are long). DS has been going to a day care one morning a week for a month now and he doesn't deal very well with the separation. He has always liked being held a lot and I have held him as much as he needs. I don't let him cry much either. I'm suspecting he may be a bit of a high-needs baby. The drop-in day care he goes to now 3 hours a week, they are very loving and will hold him if he needs that. But often when I arrive he's in a little rocking chair with his blanket and pacifer. It's funny because at home he's so active and animated and yet at day care he becomes this vulnerable little being. ANYHOW, I've been doing reading online and people seem to say children may only be comfortable with other carers (besides mom, dad and other close family) by the age of 3!!! This just makes me feel guilty yet I'm far from being the only mom who has to work. How do you parents deal with this reality? What has helped you and your little ones get through the transition? 

[CatsCradle]

Just from my own experience, OP, the transition takes a while.  In each situation where DD transitioned (from home to daycare, from daycare to Montessori, from Montessori to Kindergarten), it took her a good three weeks each time to transition in.  I would imagine that the inconsistency of only going three hours a week is drawing this out a little longer for you.  DD has always been a very attached child, but once she found consistency and pattern in the situation, she flourished.  

I wish you luck and hope some of the other working mamas here can give their own experiences.

[remymom]

Thanks CatsCradle for your encouragement.

[Quinalla]

It took my DD awhile to adjust, she started at 4 months, I think the first week was the roughest on her and me, after that it got easier slowly and after 3-4 weeks she was well settled in. If your DS has a lovey or pacifier (or both) that can be a great help. I have to say the transition was tough, but now she loves daycare so much, she even had "friends", even when she was ~7 months or so, even moreso now that she is nearly 2. I never expected her to get so much out of being with the other kids that young, but she did.

Some good advice I got and followed was to not try to sneak out, but also to not prolong goodbyes either. And 99% of the time, if a kid is crying when you leave, a few minutes at most after you are gone they are happily playing, usually it is more like 10-20 seconds. It is hard to leave them sad, but just make sure you have picked a place where you are comfortable with the caregivers and call to check up if you need to, especially in the first few weeks, they should expect it and be completely fine with it!

And I agree the inconsistency of going for a short burst can make it harder to adjust for really young kids especially, I think going 3 days or more will be easier to adjust to as well.

[sweetBBkendall]

I was looking for some advice myself. I'll be starting clinicals in a couple months and wonder how my dd will do.