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Good resources for highly spirited child?

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 

My niece is definitely what you would call a "highly spirited" 3 year old. Her parents differ a lot from us in all of their parenting approaches, and I know that some of their choices have made things a bit more difficult for them at this point. Examples of her behavior include typical 3 year old behaviors, but perhaps quite a bit more intense and extreme. She will bolt away from the parents and run off (has crossed a street in doing so), she throws a bit fit when she doesn't get what she wants, etc. These are normal behaviors, and I don't think she necessarily has any sensory disorder or anything, but they are indeed more extreme than I have witnessed in my own kids or friends' kids. At the preschool, she wouldn't  follow instructions and did her own thing. She was given a time out, and then was required to sit instead of going to recess. She tried to bite the caregiver.

 

Overall, she seems a little less developed than my friend's kids, either she hasn't been given the nurturing and opportunities for learning, or perhaps she is a bit slow (I suspect it is the lack of nurturing, though). This is sad to me.

 

She was basically asked to leave this highly rigid, structured "preschool" program (religious based), so the parents are kindof open to new ideas. (Luckily, they may be putting her into a good montessori instead) I am trying to compile a list of books/resources for them. So far I have come up with the following. Any other books I have missed?

 

Raising your Spirited Child, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

Sleepless in America, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (after all, a lot of it is sleep!)

Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, Adele Faber

Redirecting Children's Behavior, Kathryn Kvols

The Explosive Child, Ross Greene

 

I never finished the Explosive Child, so I'm not sure how helpful it is. But, I really loved all of the other ones on that list. Any other thoughts?

Thanks!

post #2 of 4
Quote:
Originally Posted by porcelina View Post

At the preschool, she wouldn't  follow instructions and did her own thing. She was given a time out, and then was required to sit instead of going to recess. She tried to bite the caregiver.

 

Overall, she seems a little less developed than my friend's kids, either she hasn't been given the nurturing and opportunities for learning, or perhaps she is a bit slow (I suspect it is the lack of nurturing, though). This is sad to me.

 

She was basically asked to leave this highly rigid, structured "preschool" program (religious based), so the parents are kindof open to new ideas. (Luckily, they may be putting her into a good montessori instead) I am trying to compile a list of books/resources for them. So far I have come up with the following. Any other books I have missed?

 

 

 

She's 3!  She shouldn't be in a highly rigid & structured program right now :(  & some 3's are still working on "using their words instead of teeth/hands to express anger"  this doesn't shock me or really indicate any serious problems, in particular if she is a young 3 or hasn't had role modeling of adults (who help her to understand frustration & translate it to words)

 

Sounds like she would greatly benefit from acceptance, nurturing and some patience....



 

post #3 of 4
Thread Starter 

Yes, I totally agree. The behaviors are really just normal 3 yo behaviors, but probably have been met with anything but love and understanding. I'm thankful that the school "kicked her out" because the parents would have left her in that awful environment just because it was convenient. 

 

So, how do you non-offensively suggest to someone that they treat their child with more love and nurturing? 

post #4 of 4

hmm i am really not sure...i am not one known for my graceful subtle hints...LOL
 

If you see her frequently,  role model language & praise (lavish it on your niece) compliment her family when they speak to her respectfully  & with love...

or you could call them to share how much your niece has been on your mind...& share how wonderful you think she is ...and do they need any help with researching new schools etc. 

Talking to them about how some of her high spirited characteristics will make her a great leader as she grows up...

Especially now, I can imagine her parents need to feel reassured that "They are okay & daughter is Okay"

it reminds me of something i saw on FB this week:

 

This was a facebook posting from a workshop group called "Celebrate Calm"

 

Dear Mom and Dad, I like who I am, but it's tough when no one else seems to. Why does everyone want to change who I am? I'm not unhappy with myself-I'm uneasy because since I can remember, everyone around me has been so negative and tried to fix what they think is wrong with me. Please stop trying to make me be like everyone else. I like who I am. Do you?

 

 

 

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