Yesterday was a really good day, as we got our 19-week ultrasound! It was amazing how much we could see going on in there. If he's always moving this much, no wonder I can't sleep!
We had a midwife appt the same day, it was my third appt. The last two were great; I've seen a different midwife each time (it's a large practice, and they seem to rotate). Both of the last two were calming and reassuring, and made me feel much better. (As I've mentioned before, I've had major issues with going to doctors, and found this much, much easier.)
However . . . yesterday the midwife I saw was abrasive, and I came out of there feeling like I was being condescended to and yelled at. I was an idiot, and went ahead and asked my list of questions. She wasn't happy about my being 19 weeks and not haveing gained any weight (other than a five pounds that I think I put on at the beginning, bf I went in for my first appt). Then there was a small issue on the ultrasound (bubble kind of thing, from a blocked duct in the brain; the Dr. at the ultrasound place said it was nothing to worry about; that it is sometimes linked to a genetic defect, but that the vast majority of those cases have some other problem, and our baby didn't show any other problems; it would probably go away). He was reassuring about that, but she wasn't, and said we'd have to check again at 28 weeks w/ an ultrasound. Which, I guess, is reasonable, but she wasn't reassuring about it.
Then . . . I asked about the possibility of different birth positions at the hospital where we'll deliver and she said there were options, but immediately started lecturing on me about how they assess the baby right away, and how it's all about the baby's safety. Like I was attached to some crazy idea about childbirth at the expense of my child's life!!!!! I was kind of upset.
Then . . . (why didn't I just shut up?) I mentioned that I'd had an ear ache/infection (it was probably just swimmers ear, I get that even though I don't swim), and that I didn't go to a dr right away (again, I NEVER go) because I didn't want either antibiotics or cipro (swimmers ear med) unless I really needed it. Cirpro has really bad possible effects for pregnant women . . . that's what they usually give me. So I did some research, and tried olive oil & garlic & mulein flower drops from Whole Foods, and it totally worked in a couple of days. She started telling me not to try taking care of things myself, and that if it cleared up that it was definitely not an infection (ok, it probably wasn't. but obviously nothing ever gets better w/o antibiotics?) and that I should call them. Then I said I was still having stuffiness and asked if it was ok to use Debrox . . . and she acted like I was stupid to ask if it was safe, bc it is safe . . . well, I was just being careful!
Ugh. I came out of there trying not to cry, which was RIDICULOUS -- we had just had an amazing ultrasound and been told that we had a healthy little boy, and so many people get bad news there, it was wrong of me . . . but she made me feel horrible. THIS is why I don't go to doctors, bc they make me feel like this! So now I feel like an irresponsible, stupid person incompetant to have a baby. And I also have a fear of delivering with this person if she is on duty, because if that's the case, just knock me out and cut the baby out!! I don't know what to do. I was feeling so positive about this birth . . .