It will be me, my two partners, and possibly a friend of mine who is a birth worker also. my male partner's sister said she wanted to be there (she's a narcissist/a very angry person) and I politely told her that would not be ok.
I have not yet brought this up with my mom. I have no idea if she assumes she'll be invited, wants to but will wait for the invitation, or doesn't want to be there. Well, I doubt it's the latter. She lives a mile from my house, and she's incredibly supportive and wonderful. I'm not sure she will have the energy I need when I'm in labor. From reading Ina May and other birth stories from here, I'm inclined to say "nope." I just hope she can understand. She's barely wrapping her head around the homebirth idea as it is. The idea that 'the presence of a person who doesn't have just the right energy could literally slow down labor' will probably be extremely foreign to her. And, of course, I don't wanna tell ma that her energy isn't right.
I'll probably just end up saying that a lot of people will already be here (two midwives, an assistant, and DH), and I don't know what to expect but I expect wanting to be private. Hopefully she'll leave it at that.
Have any of you had experience with "hiding" your labor until after the birth? I don't know how I'll be able to do it. I have a feeling if my friends didn't hear from me in a couple days they'd worry sick that something was wrong. And I don't think I could say "Still no labor" if it wasn't true.
I haven't discussed my pregnancy at all on facebook. I only use it to check up with people who never communicate elsewhere, and to keep a garden log, haha. I have pretty constant daily text exchanges with two friends and emails with two others, and a phone chat with my mom and another friend about thrice a week. Hmmm, I didn't realize until recently that I communicate with friends a LOT.
I guess there's lots of time to condition friends and family to not expect much communication from me at the end of pregnancy.
Haha, facebook status's are checked every five minutes when one of DH's family is in labor - there was much grumbling two births ago when my SIL didn't have a designated facebook updater (she had five family members attending the birth too!)... but that was mostly cause it was a high risk pregnancy and we were all on tenter hooks to see if everything turned out all right or if we needed to call a family fast or something.
The SIL I wanted to invite but who won't be able to come will be my "facebook" person - she'll be getting hourly updates by phone anyway, and it'll give her something to do so she doesn't feel left out (she's really upset she can't come, but it's just not feasable).
I do have to say though, after the birth is over there's gonna be pretty tight restrictions on who comes to visit - I value my sleep. I'm probably gonna steal one of my SIL's post-birth practices - when visitors come to see the baby, no cleaning house, putting the baby in clothes and meeting them in the living room. She met them in the office, where she had her breastfeeding/diaper station set up and a futon to sleep on, so there was very much a sense of entering her "territory".
I think I'd be more stressed if the family members I had to worry about were closer - but I'll be very surprised if any of them make the trek.
On another note... My mother doesn't want to be there! Apparently she feels guilty, that it's her "responsability" to support me if I ask her to be there, but she only had C-sections and feels very, very out of her depth. I told her I wouldn't be offended if she didn't come, and she looked so relieved, saying she'd much rather play solitaire in the waiting room, and stick her head in every now and again. I think she's terrified of having to watch me be in pain and not know how to help - DH said he is too, and she laughed and said HE can't get out of being there.
With her camped out in the waiting room, Dad will probably want to be out there with her a lot of the time, and with MIL's attendance iffy (she's planning on coming, but it depends on me going into labor sometime around my actual due date, since she lives overseas), my "family supported" birth might end up being more private than I planned after all!
I really want our homebirth to be quiet and peaceful. I haven't invited anyone, and no one has asked about coming. I think they all think I'm crazy for giving birth at home ;)
As for after the birth, I hadn't really thought about it. I gave birth to my daughter the same day my brother got married (in a different city), so I didn't have any visitors. A few days later though my baby daddy's mom and sister came and stayed with us and it was a nightmare. Seriously, the mom should get the first shower. Because my dd was so colicky no one else really wanted to hold her. I had to cook, and clean, entertain guests, and take care of a colicky baby. I plan on scheduling guests as little as possible in the beginning, and I'll definitely not act like I'm feeling okay when I'm not this time.
Dandy Lion- that is so junky :(
This time its us (me, dh, and 3 sons) and I may or may not have a midwife and that's it. I still haven't decided if I want her assistant to come at all. It would be nice for someone to take photos though. I am pretty sensitive in labor and I just can't bring too many ppl around me. Not to mention our house is TINY and I feel like they will be hovering for lack of somewhere to go. At my 2nd birth, I had to run and hide in the furthest back bedroom/bathroom because I didn't want to be out in the LR with everyone near the birth pool (mom, sister, mw and mw assistant).
I love my mom, and she's been there for #1 and #2 but I just don't know about doing that again. I don't feel like I can just relax and do what I need around her but I wish I had that connection.
After a few not-great postpartum periods, we plan to make close relatives wait to come at least 12 hours after the birth (which is about 2 people) and everyone else can wait at least a few days to a week. It was crappy after my c/s, with loud unhelpful visitors at the hospital and NO help at home. The next 2 babes we got little to no help again, so I anticipate anyone around means I have to entertain them somehow, and I'm not down with that. We got lucky and had some meals cooked for us by a friend last time, that kind of help is welcome anytime of course.
Here's a great blog post by Gloria Lemay about the postpartum period http://www.glorialemay.com/blog/?p=34
Thanksgiving weekend totally reaffirmed my decision to not have family come to the hospital. it was a nice weekend, and everyone was friendly and pleasant, but it still took me a few days to recover emotionally. And thanks to you guys for confirming that I'm not being wildly unreasonable :)
For all of you who are having someone at your birth in a doula capacity, how did you choose that person? What qualifications and levels of experience were important to you when you were deciding?
I really want someone to be with me at my house for the early parts of labor, and then to accompany me to the hospital when it's time, but I don't know whether to hire a doula or a midwife. Since they'll be with me at my house, part of me wants someone who is fully capable of helping me deliver at home, just in case the labor ends up being much shorter than expected (I'm trying to plan for everything). Ideally I'd like a CNM for that, but it's really hard to find a CNM in my area who is able to be a doula since most of them are already working full-time at hospitals or birth centers. Can a DONA-certified doula help with delivery, or is a CPM my best bet? What qualifications does your birth assistant have?
I am pregnant with my sprout #8. We had 47 people in our livingroom for my last birth. It was INCREDIBLE, but we are going with less this time. I am a doula and childbirth educator, and love the idea of allowing anyone who wants to be part of the incredible experience to be there I had more neighbor kids around the birth tub than I realized, until my son was born!
I have always had my parents, any siblings who wanted to come (I'm oldest of seven), my husband, kids, and a few close friends, so there was always a big group. This time I will still have my family and a few close friends, but it will be closer to 20 than 50!
Either way, Mama's need to decide what is best for THEM, and what they will be most comfortable with. I grew up in a big family, and watching my mom homebirth, and I am very comfortable with people being all around. It is so... normal and natural feeling. People laughing, talking and singing around me. No Dr.s and Nurses coming at me. It's beautiful because it's what I want.
My only complaint about the HUGE group was that my kids got lost in the chaos. They had friends everywhere, so they were not as involved. My sixteen year old son did deliver the baby, but my two year old was upstairs playing and no one realized he wasn't there. With my four year old's birth he cam ein less than an hour, and my littlest ones swam in the birth tub as I delivered. COMPLETELY involved!
I feel the same way - I'd love a doula, but really can't afford one at $800....
Almost all CPM's in my area have an assistant, many of them are doula trained. My CPM used to be a doula and is more than happy to do both midwife-ing and doula-ing. :) Her assistant is a trained doula as well, recently starting toward her CPM training.
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