1st Cycle on Clomid - Page 3

[toothfairy2be]

Negative tonight, i knew it was coming after how last nights sleeping went so i tested just so i can stop progesterone, af will come & i can start over. This is such a long sad process... I honestly dont know how i keep going...

[sherryvhkb]

Awww cbaa- i'm soooo sorry. There aren't words to describe how this feels, and the frustrations that follow hang in there.

[indie1976]

@cbaa bah. that sucks so much. i don't want to be all "but it's still early! there's so many people who don't get bfps until later!" because i know that when you know you're out, you're out. BUT... there is a part of me that wonders about a bfn at night... forever optimistic, i suppose. it's frustrating that this cycle was a dud for all three of us. was hoping at least one of us would have had success.

@sherry looks like i'll be joining you in popping the clomid the day after tomorrow. i *think* this is cd1 for me. i really hope the O timing works out for you and your dh. there are so many variables in all of this. very frustrating indeed. which leads me to an AFM...

AFM i guess i will not take this cycle off. i'm not all that happy about it, though. of course, wanting to take the cycle off is probably me just being a chicken sh*t. i trick myself into feeling better about everything when i can tell myself "oh well, i wasn't really trying anyway". the hard part is that i travel internationally for work and i made this declaration that i can't do anymore overseas trips for the sole purpose of wanting to get pregnant (those trips lead to missed opportunities as well as unpredictable cycles... not at all ttc friendly). BUT here i am STILL not pregnant and so i'm wavering on whether or not to go on a trip in february. i feel like my entire life is in this weird limbo.

all i want is a baby.

that's all.

anyway, i say i *think* this is cd1 because the last two days have been steady spotting but no full flow yet. i'm feeling as if that is starting today. but since this is my first cycle on clomid, i'm not sure if/how AF will be different for me.

here's to our last chance for a 2011 bfp...

[sherryvhkb]

Hello

HAHA yeah i was thinking the same thing....it's early...not FMU....it could be....but then when AF is pooling around my feet, im standing with my FRER in hand saying hmmmmm could this be implantation bleeding? haha

@indie - i had to make some big decisions over the summer for fall- job choices, living area choices- etc....I kept thinking I should decide as though pregnant....I had to fight that sense and just make the best choice.  One that I wouldn't regret if I'm not pregnant.  So in March will you be saying Oh I should have gone in February? 

afm i am day 4 clomid.  I took in in the morning this time as i was torn between what day was cd1.    No problems with SE yet.  I have already almost given up though...unless i ovulate sooner.  DH is having a procedure that will leave him out of the game for a few days on my cd15.  Usual O day is CD 14, but last time it was CD19.   

I think this is getting to him.  I felt like he was avoiding me last month...haha...as though my pumped up hormonal self might attack. 

yeah I'm tired of it too.  I started out hating the 2ww- now i also hate waiting to O...and even almost cringe at BD under pressure....

I had 4 new pregnancy patients today, one of which is electing for a termination at 14 weeks....being  in this boat myself, and reading so so many sad stories has gotten to me.  I half wanted to cry and half wanted to throttle her...but it is her sound decision.  It's just tough right now.

The new pregnancies and the ready to burst moms make my heart feel squeezed.... 

[toothfairy2be]

I had to LOL at the irony of some of what you've said (both of you!) because I've so been there, skipping a cycle but only trying 'a little' because I couldnt really miss a whole chance, but then when it's BFN pretending it didnt really count cuz we werent 'trying'. Wondering about pregnancy with travel & vacation, weddings, funerals, the whole nine, to have everything for a whole year plus pass with none of them effected...Being torn about CD1... I called my RE as CD1 today b/c I felt it coming so much & figured 'whatever my u/s may be a day earlier, ill still start my clomid on true cd3... So the nurse tells me my doc wants cd2 estradiol! So i have to go at 7am tomorrow & AF still hasnt shown, FML!!!

I'm thinking about finding a new job, I'm starting to think stress at work is a big problem & so I'm starting to look now while I'm motivate, trouble is theres not much going on in my field.

I'm jealous you're both ahead of me! In good news, my acupuncturist gave me herbs to try for circulation to improve my lining & recommended wheat grass juice every morning. Sooo here we go again.

[indie1976]

Originally Posted by sherryvhkb 
...but then when AF is pooling around my feet, im standing with my FRER in hand saying hmmmmm could this be implantation bleeding? haha

THIS. haha. so funny.

everything you both said is so spot on. every decision i make i'm always weighing how it will work if i'm pregnant. i've been afraid to *not* make decisions that way because it feels like a lack of faith on my part. it's all very confusing.

this AF has been crazy difficult for me emotionally. i've been an anxious/depressed mess far more than usual. usually i get some relief from the emotional symptoms once AF starts but not this cycle. tonight i will be taking my first dose of clomid and i feel completely apathetic about it. usually this is my hopeful time of the month, when everything seems like a fresh start. but this time i'm reeeeeally grumpy. and i'm not looking forward to planned bding, that's for sure. i'm sure with all this negativity i'm going to be real turn-on for my dh. ha.

[sherryvhkb]

Taking a reality break this morning. Im not sure anymore what is justified stress and frustration, whst is hormoans, and what is clomid. I feel chaotic, i tend to be calm. Whether its the year end and holidays i just seem more preoccupied with NOT being pregnant. I have run away from home and work im sitting on the waterfront with the big ships and statue of liberty eating a horribley unhealthy breakfast sandwich trying to think of some enticing bd strategy for next week. Ugh.

[indie1976]

@sherry i'm feeling the same way! but no statue of liberty for me to stare off at. last night i sat on the couch with my packet of clomid and asked my dh once again... are we sure we want to do this right now? and he was all... yes? no? what's the right answer here? because i've been far from enjoyable to be around the past few days and i think he's walking on eggshells a bit. i ended up swallowing the damned pill and i haven't a clue how to make it through the next bd marathon. maybe i need to be on a pr0n thread in addition to a ttc thread? i need to get my sexy back. pronto.

[sherryvhkb]

@indie- hmmm my last post in response to yours isnt here. I hope it wasn't to racey- it alluded to costume rental as a means to inspire the BD. Haha.

So im CD 11.....feeling that unexplainable anxiety taking turns with sadness. Before im here i always think it wont bother me because i know what and why it is, but its very hard to ignore. I am going to say that tbis month waiting to O is worse than any tww ive ever experienced. Even after feeling 90% hopeless last month.
My mantra today. The sun is shining and everyone i love is safe and well.

I hope the same is true for the rest of the thread. I feel like we are ascending the rollercoaster climb together even if in different cars.

[sherryvhkb]

@cbaa.... hmmm what herbs do share...and wheatgrass sounds interesting in any case...ive looked around but now am confused about the must be instant freshness factor....Sooooo what happened? Af....us....estrodial..? Whats the plan for the month?

[toothfairy2be]

Haha on the getting sexy back... I'm feeling the same way... IF breaks all my good girl barriers down, i just bought a little (tiny) vibrator. it should be here tomorrow...

They said my results were good/ normal. So Clomid 3-7, 50mg, trigger, iui, prometrium... No changes. The wheatgrass juice is frozen, i know it isnt as effective, but theres no way i'm growing and buying a special juicer... The other herbs are Women's Treasure, it is from my acupuncturist. I also started red clover tea... I'll add EPO and alfalfa after i finish the clomid... I always wonder how much is too much.the only other thing i take is a prenatal & fish oil.

I hear ya on the Clomid crazies. I felt it this month... Anxiety, insomnia, mood swings, sadness, energy swings, exhaustion, days of headaches... Thats just the short list... It is weird, they arent terrible, but they are certainly different than my normal self!

[sherryvhkb]

Im weak.....i wish i had OPK's now though i vowed not to use them and just listen to my body and charts...i felt like the opk stress might delay me....now every time i use the restroom I'm longing to poas. Haha.
So my dhObgyn says we should try suppression next month.....i dont want to....it just feels like a waste! Extra hoping for a BFP now.

Post clomid bloated
Mild nausea
cant think straight
headache
grouchy...when provoked
breast tenderness!!!
Maybea he will say yes to ivf now. The cup has got to be more appealing than i am right now.

@cbaa- i saw frozen wheatgrass juice, but very $$$. Couple hundred for the smallest order. Ive seen it fteeze dried...but it seems like its not as good. Ill keep looking. Let me lnow if you like it or have suggestions for where to buy.

[toothfairy2be]

Frozen at whole foods ( with the frozen oj etc) was $16 for 10 days... It is pricey but cheaper than online i guess. I will try anything, with all the bills ive racked up on specialists and tcm, herbs, massage chiro, blah blah... $16 is like pennies...

Im sick ( like a cold) im not sure how that will effect things on the clomid... Gah!

[indie1976]

you guys crack me up! i've been laughing at the comments and wanting to reply but i've only been able to check the thread on my iphone and as a great of a phone as it is... i hate typing anything long on phones, period.

so... i'm on cd8, took the last pill last night. i'm not sure if it's the clomid, the holidays, or other life stressors (or maybe a combo of all three?) but i'm super down in the dumps. this past AF was the WORST emotionally and though i feel some relief now, it's not much. the physical side effects i can handle but feeling depressed sucks. i've been having really unfortunate dreams which means i wake up in a crappy mood. i'm really worried that i'm going to feel this way the whole cycle which is NOT good considering i will be in a cabin with family during part of the 2ww. i don't want to be all mopey or a bitch which means i will be tempted to hide from everyone which will then make me look anti-social! and then i will be hosting a christmas eve party for the extended family which will be nicely timed right around when i get my bfn. i can see myself choking back tears that night. FUN.

@sherry that comment about your husband and a cup made me seriously LOL. i hope you get that baby in you this month!

@cbaa way to go with the, um, toys. i'm thinking dh and i need to to bust out some new accessories!

i really wish i was more positive right now. especially since i really do believe you get more of what you focus on. and right now my focus is not on anything i want more of :/

[toothfairy2be]

Indie- i get ya on the depressed/mopey thing... I just dont know if I'm coming or going most of the time. My attitude started improving, then i got this nasty cold, so I'm dumpy again.. I actually had a talk with my boss tonight about stress at work, my gist was ' i know it really isnt me making you miserable, its your terrible personal life which by the way you brought on yourself by cheating on your wife with the assistant, but lets not take it out on me'... Mmkay? And he said mmmkay... Atleast thats the short of it!

Lets all try and find some Christmas Cheer... Ill try if youll try:o

[sherryvhkb]

Yay! Cbaa- haha you go girl. I sm feeling a bit better all of a sudden last night- although still a bit empowered(bitchy) at leasr my symptoms disappeared. So i jumped DH!! Thinking it might be the O. So much for my concern about getting in the mood. I am pretending im not trying because it is work to get into the holiday spirit....i and must say no matter how tempting do not spend your lunch break goigle imaging newborns or fetal ultrasounds.

Chart coming up. Opinions..

[sherryvhkb]

[bootsvalentine]

I just wanted to interject that I just got my BFP after my first cycle of Clomid, 50 mg days 3-7. Never thought it would happen so quickly! Good luck ladies.

[toothfairy2be]

Sherry-certainly looks like impending O! Time to get your sexy onnnnnn.

Boots! Yay! I'm always glad to see a clomid bfp... Im hoping 3rd times the charm...

[sherryvhkb]

Cbaa- its on so i hope so!!
And yay boots. How long were you trying?