My son wants me to do everything for him too. (He is 8.) But I don't, and often find myself explaining that when he was little and we HAD to do everything for him, then we did, but now he's 8 and can do so much more.
Also, sometimes I say "My doing that for you actually wouldn't be helping you; it would help to hold you back." We often talk about how sometimes when I say I won't help him with something, it's because I know he can do it and he needs to feel the satisfaction of solving or doing the difficult thing himself. But that if he truly NEEDS my help of course I will. As an example, after half a second of trying, "Mom can you help me open this candy? I can't get it open." No, I am not going to open his Halloween candy for him; for heavens sake. But I will tell him that it looks like a "pull the sides apart" bag, or it looks like one that you need to rip with your teeth, and if he's tried all sorts of things and can't do it, I will help, but usually by then he's done it himself. Especially with an only child it's easy to do too much for our kids and then they end up feeling that they don't have the competence to do things for themselves.
I got off track there for a minute. But what I mean is, I don't run and do everything for him, but occasionally I *DO* do something for him that I know he has the capacity for. Such as "Mom, can you get me a drink?" Sometimes I say "sure" because I want to show him kindness, and it doesn't involve me preventing him from growing in competence or anything. I'm happy to get him things from time to time. Other times, if I'm busy, I'll say No, sorry, I'm busy, you'll have to get it yourself.
Here's another thought. I have a feeling that kids are used to us parents asking for their "help" when we really don't need it. You know, when we're trying to "teach them to be responsible." Forced help. Help with a hidden agenda. Insincere, I think. They know we don't need their help and that we are trying to get them to do something for some other reason. So they do it back.
I have had this experience with my son. When I'm asking for "your-just-a-kid-and-I-need-to-teach-you-to-be-helpful" kinds of help, I get all sorts of resistance and whining. But when I seriously DO need help, and ask him honestly, he rushes to help. He's not a jerk about it. Like if I'm struggling with groceries and need the door held, or my arms are full and I drop something and need it picked up.
I think kids have real good b.s. detectors and can detect manipulation and hypocrisy a mile away. The only problem is, the way they tend to SHOW us that they've caught on to our tactics is usually not with a clear, rational statement....it tends to manifest itself as "bad behavior" and we often don't connect the dots.
Just my opinion, anyway.