Daycare in a Small Town

[csekywithlove]

DSS will be starting daycare in the next few weeks. He was three in August. We have been very lucky in being able to keep him home this whole time. Since we moved back to my home town things have been very tense. I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone's business. Because of this very reason we keep mostly to ourselves. 

Right around the time I became pregnant in July, I lost one of my best friends here. My SIL witnessed my friend's DH out on a date with another woman.... Being the good friend that I am, I told her. Her DH lied until she got the truth out of him. Que drama. Her DH calls my phone and harasses me, telling me to stay out of their business and what not. My DH was very upset that this happened as was our whole family. My friend and I were very close. I back off, and let them be. To my surprise my friend never talks to me again. This was the third time her DH had been accused of cheating. I have been round and round in my head about this. I have not bothered her or tried to contact her. We have enough on our plate as is. 

Here's the worry I have. Her DH's sister works at the daycare I plan on sending DSS to in a couple of weeks. The daycare is a great facility. The owner is one of my parent's close friend's daughter. She was also my baby sitter. They not only have a great place but a preschool built into the program and certified teachers who are in charge of that program.

I may be worrying for nothing but this is a SMALL town. The girl is a young girl who knows who I am has of course given me the stink eye in Wal-Mart. I don't want to insult the owner and go to another daycare. There aren't that many in this county as is. I want him in her program and the one on the way too, once I start back to school. I don't want to bring this up with the owner because I feel like it shouldn't matter. But I don't want my child mistreated either.

How do I handle this?

[BroodyWoodsgal]

I would say something to the owner. I just couldn't drop my kid off and walk away and let it bother me all day. I would say something like this:

"Hey, can I grab you for a second? Look, I know this is so dumb and won't be an actual issue I just have to say something because it's going to eat at me all day if I don't. You know there was some drama that went down a while back and one of the ladies who works here was kind of on the edges of that drama and I just want to make sure that no matter what happened outside of here, that there is no way my son could ever find himself disliked or even mistreated because someone has an ax to grind with me" - just be sincere, be honest, you said the owner lady is awesome....just be super honest and explain that since this is the first time you are leaving him anywhere, you're kind of anxious and want to make sure he has a good experience.

The woman is going to comfort you, absolutely insist that there is no way that anyone will play favorites and treat one kid poorly, etc....but maybe it will also plant a seed in her head and make her double take interactions between said "stink eye" giver and your child just to make doubly sure, you know?

The only thing that makes me hesitate, is that I'm sure the girl is perfectly nice and was giving you the stink eye out of some loyalty to her brother or whatever and I would hate for the daycare owner to say something to her like "don't let outside drama into this place, you be good to that kid" or something and have that make the issue worse than it would have been, you know?

But I don't know that I would feel I had a choice in your position. I would doubt highly, if this is as good a place as you say, that this would happen..I would doubt highly that the woman would even have time throughout the course of the day to single out and someone mistreat your kid...but I still would say something, request that the owner keep my confidence...and let her soothe my fears about this away.

I totally get the small town dynamic...that can be SO tough to deal with. I'm sorry this happened and that your friend won't talk to you...I think this daycare experience is going to be fine for your son and that in no time at all, this drama will fade away and won't even be on your mind anymore. <3 <3

[csekywithlove]

Thanks AverysMomma, I actually talked to the owner today. Turns out the girl is not just working there, she is his teacher for his class/ age group. I called the owner to set up a time to come by with DSS and let him check it out before we start. When I asked who the teacher was and found out it was her I said, "Oh..... ok." The owner said, "What's wrong?" I told her that I had nothing against the girl but that she had been on the outside of some drama, pretty much the same thing you stated. The owner assured me that she would keep a special eye on him just to relieve my anxiety a bit and that even though the girl worked for her today, she might not be in the next couple of weeks. So I don't know if she has already had some problems with this girl or not.

DH and I talked about it and decided just to send him and see what happens. If DSS is mistreated, he is not only old enough to  tell us, but will probably let everyone in the building know that he has a problem. He can be very spirited at times. I had a great experience with daycare as a child and didn't start until I was DSS's age. I really want this social interaction for him and for him to make friends. DH said, "He should go and try it. But if he comes home multiple days in a row upset, we will just pull him out and find another one." 

We will see what happens when we show up next week and I come face to face with this girl. I honestly hope there aren't any problems. The owner is very aware of how hectic our life is right now with my father having cancer, me being a student mom, and the continuing drama that DSS's BM  adds. Based on the conversation I had with her, I think she is questioning the employment of this girl as is. Either way it is good to know that she understood where I was coming from and didn't ask any details.

[BroodyWoodsgal]

I would hope that if there is a question about whether the woman is a good fit, that she would be let go before the start of the school year, you know? I'm really glad you said something and I'm glad your kid is the kind of guy who would say something, that rocks!

GL...I'm sorry for the way your life is right now...sending hugs and lots of peace to you, to keep you grounded in all this chaos. <3

[csekywithlove]

Originally Posted by AverysMomma 

I would hope that if there is a question about whether the woman is a good fit, that she would be let go before the start of the school year, you know? I'm really glad you said something and I'm glad your kid is the kind of guy who would say something, that rocks!

GL...I'm sorry for the way your life is right now...sending hugs and lots of peace to you, to keep you grounded in all this chaos. <3

Exactly. I will keep you posted though. And life is pretty calm, just waiting until my Dad can have his surgery. It's five days before Christmas and he is actually pretty excited that the family get together won't be at our house this year. He is very optimistic about it, it's my mother and I who are the worriers. Thanks for the support! :)