I'm just venting more than anything, I don't have anyone to talk to who doesn't see it as a good thing.
I've wanted to home-school our kids from the start, but hubby was dead set against the idea. I applied for DS to go to a Montessori school last year but he wasn't drawn in the lottery and so didn't go. I convinced my husband to let me home-school in the mean time and he agreed.
Last fall DH came home from work and seemed to have embraced the idea of homeschooling. He said he thought we should do it, and that he didn't like the attitude of the public schooled kids he'd seen among various other things. I was thrilled! So we did a bit of home-school last year, and then we started some kindergarten home-school this year.
Things are going well. We had a home-school room and we'd sit down for about an hour a day and do some phonics work, DS would start asking questions or pick up a book and get interested in that. He can read almost any word up to about 5 or 6 letters. He can read all of his BOB books and the two primers I bought for him. Lately we've only been "doing school" for about one day per week. Between this horrible summer in the south finally being over and the loss of our school room when some family moved in, I've been letting him spend most of his time the past month playing outside.
So DH comes home on Wednesday and tells me he wants to send DS to a public school. I was crushed. He says he doesn't think I have the patience to do it for twelve years and that he doesn't think the good of home-school outweighs the bad. So He'll be going to kindergarten at the public school starting Monday. DS is thrilled. He hasn't gotten to experience the great things about home-school yet. For one thing he's in Kindergarten, the public school looks really appealing to him right now. We also don't have a second car for me to get them out of the house and go places.
I just feel like I had the rug yanked out from under me. I never got a chance to try. I've bought years worth of school books, I've been looking at curricula for first and second grade, I've made manipulatives to help me teach him some of the more tricky abstract ideas. I just feel like he seemed all gung-ho about this just a few months ago, I felt like we were on the same page and now my son is going to be subjected to the cookie-cutter anyway.
We've toured the school, and it's fine. It's not personal against the teachers or anything. There is a dress code. DS has to cut his hair. I just hate it. The first thing they do is make him look like all the other kids. I just feel crushed. It upsets me to take my child who I've worked so hard to allow him to be his own person, and have the freedom of individuality, to let him know that it's ok to be different, and the first thing the school is going to do is take that away from him.
I did at least get DH to agree that if DS decided public school is not for him that he can change his mind. I believe that DS will change his mind eventually, I am just worried that it won't happen until he's several years down the road and he's already in the mindset that school isn't fun anymore. Of course school looks fun right now, that's the point.
It just makes me upset, DS is going to love public school, but I am distraught at the idea of subjecting him to all those things I wanted to protect him from.