No longer homeschooling, Upset. - Page 2

[milkybean]

I'm glad he's back home!!!!!
 

Originally Posted by Incubator 

We are not religious, I am not the sort to believe that it is my "duty" to obey. I just know that my husband can be stubborn. As I said before my usual tactic is to give him what he wants until he sees that he's wrong. What good does it do me to argue with him?

As far as DS going on days' notice, that bit was my decision. DH wanted to put him in for next school year, I told him I'd rather do it now. If he chooses to stay in PS he's got time to adjust BEFORE 1st grade, and if he chooses to come back home he's got more time to arrive at that decision before it starts to impact his attitude about school.

OK, but the only person that got hurt here was your son.  He's the one that cried and got in trouble and went hungry and all of that.  This has bigger stakes, because it's the little dude that's feeling the brunt of the decision.

DS has asked about school, and I describe to him, in great detail, what school is all about.  Approximately 2 minutes into it, he says nope, he wants to stay homeschooling.  Something about being gone ALL day long, not being around me or DH (if DH is working from home that day), and having to sit that still for that long, just really sucks the interest out of him!  Now Kinder shouldn't be quite that much sitting, but I dunno...schools are changing, and I wouldn't be surprised if a school DID have kids sit for ages. 

Kindergarten is SO different from the primary grades that I do not believe a child needs to go to Kindergarten in order to be ready for First Grade.  I did Montessori from ages 4-6, then went right into public school for 1st.  Some kids did Kinder at the elementary school we were all at.  Others had NO Kindergarten at all, no school at all, just came in for 1st.  And we all figured it out just fine.  Not to mention, Kindergarten isn't even mandatory, at least in my state.  So you didn't have to be doing *anything* with him school-wise, if you didn't really want to, if your state is like mine.  (heck, in my state 8 is the mandatory education age, so my guy will be starting 3rd grade work by the time I send in my intent-to-homeschool to the district!)  One day a week might have been absolutely perfect for him, to teach him what he needed to know this year...I know I wasn't doing all that much more for DS's year of K work, apart from just talking to him all the time, discussing money while at the grocery store, etc etc etc etc..it's amazing what they pick up just being around us.

I am very glad he's home now, but I really do recommend working on how you and DH come to decisions that will affect DS like this.

[sonuptosondown]

Hi, I just came back to check on you and your son and see that he is hs'ing once again--I hope things are going more smoothly now!  I'm sure you like having him with you again.

My dd (who I just put into K a few weeks ago also, with her enthusiasm, is still in K.  She had a pretty good transition.  She didn't eat her first day, either, because we simply packed too much into her lunchbag (didn't want her to starve lol!) and I think she was overwhelmed.  She didn't realize she had a time limit, either.  So she wanted to buy lunch and that has worked much better.

I didn't realize they did sight words in K and we hadn't done any of that at home, so that's new.  But I think she's capable of it.  If my kid weren't ready or interested in sight words, though, it would be a nightmare.

She still mentions that she'd like me to "unsign her up for K" now that she's tried it out.  But I want her to continue to Christmas at least.  Honestly she seems to be getting more comfortable every day and I don't think she'll want to quit.  This makes me sad.  I want her to want to homeschool with me.  Sigh.

I do see that if I did hs her again, I'd make some changes.  I am fairly unschool-y with my boys, 10 and 8.  Whenever i try to do something like a school, they laugh or get annoyed with me.  But my dd seems to like the workbooks, the cute songs, the laminated pictures and vocabulary words.  so maybe if I included some of those things for her, she'd feel more like she was doing school.  As someone else here mentioned, maybe she didn't feel like she was doing everything she "should" be doing.

I miss her  alot.  K is from 9:20 to 3:20.  She comes home and treats us to a bad mood for an hour or so.  That's fun.

I'm still conflicted.  They can offer her so much in K, but I worry that I'll be less satisfied with the PS as we go up in grades and that she won't want to come home after she's gotten a taste of it.

Sorry for rambling.  Hope all is going well at home now, and thanks for sharing!

Deb

[Incubator]

Originally Posted by milkybean 

OK, but the only person that got hurt here was your son.  He's the one that cried and got in trouble and went hungry and all of that.  This has bigger stakes, because it's the little dude that's feeling the brunt of the decision.

I wouldn't have sent DS if he himself did not want to give it a try anyway. I tried explaining to him what school is like, that did not deter him. It one of those things that he really had to experience to understand. Even when we pulled him out he didn't really want to quit. He agreed that there were things about it that he did not like, and now he is happy being at home and not in PS. I don't believe he got "hurt." I believe he made a choice that he later decided he wasn't entirely happy with.

IMO, it's a lesson for him about making choices without thinking things through/knowing what he's in for. That sometimes the grass isn't really greener on the other side, but it's OK to check it out and see for yourself.

As for my husband, trust me, that's something I've been working on for six years now. :) The way that he handles things isn't always optimal, but I do what I can. I have no expectations that he'll suddenly stop being hard-headed one day. He may come to listen and respect my thoughts on certain matters as we get older, but there are always things he's going to fight me on until one of us is proven wrong.

[Incubator]

Originally Posted by MissBright 

Could it be that he was worried about the lack of time spent on homeschooling? Maybe he was thinking there'd be more to it than that. Crafts, learning games, math and science play? If he was mostly playing outside (don't get me wrong—I believe in tons of play time; I know it's how kids learn) for a month...maybe he got worried that things were being run too loosely. Is that possible? 

It might have made me start worrying... Unless you're doing more unschooling than homeschooling. If so, I guess that would change everything. It sounds like you've done a ton of planning for the coming years. Did you put a lot of thought into this year? 

Just thinking out loud! No criticism meant or implied. It just crossed my mind that I would have been concerned if I'd been him.

It turned out later that THIS was the problem. I told him the answer to that is to talk to me about it, not immediately turn around and insist that he need to go to PS. 

I would understand this if I hadn't already told DH beforehand that we would be taking the fall off (Turns out he just doesn't listen.) It was an unusually horrible summer around these parts, and several months of limited outside play really wore on us. Besides the fact that the boy is in kindergarten, "school" is kind of an afterthought at that age, the things they need to learn have very little to do with books.

When I was in fifth grade I went to a "year-around" school and we had the entire month of October off. I liked it then and I still like it. It makes no sense to have the best months of the year stuck cooped up at school for several hours. I always figured that was the best part of Homeschooling. The school year doesn't have to start in August, your age doesn't matter, and your "summer break" can occur when ever YOU want it to.

Anyway, as an update the the situation, We're all back on board with the homeschooling. Furthermore, DH is about to be forced into being more active in our homeschool activities, which may prevent future "Put them in PS!" situations. DH is going to be going to school nights and I'll be getting a job outside the home, so DH is going to be doing bits of the school work with the kids. I think that once he gets more "hands-on" with that the kids are learning he'll understand what kind of input I need from him about his concerns. Maybe next time his reaction will be " I think DS needs a different math approach" rather than " Put him in PS!"

[sonuptosondown]

Do you think that asking a 5 year old to make this choice is unrealistic, though?  Maybe it depends on the kid, but I've been trying not to ask my 5yo dd if she wants to continue with K or not, though I want to.  She'll make comments anyway about what she wants to do, like saying she doesn't want to go to K today because she wants to ride her bike at the park like her brothers were going to do.  Or she loves art class at K (one hour a week).  Or she likes the drum she plays in music class.  Or she doesn't like that she had to quit gymnastics in order to go to K.

I'm questioning if a 5 yo can make a decision that will last for the whole school year.  My dd looks at small details like the above but can't understand the longer range.
 

Originally Posted by Incubator 

I wouldn't have sent DS if he himself did not want to give it a try anyway. I tried explaining to him what school is like, that did not deter him. It one of those things that he really had to experience to understand. Even when we pulled him out he didn't really want to quit. He agreed that there were things about it that he did not like, and now he is happy being at home and not in PS. I don't believe he got "hurt." I believe he made a choice that he later decided he wasn't entirely happy with.

IMO, it's a lesson for him about making choices without thinking things through/knowing what he's in for. That sometimes the grass isn't really greener on the other side, but it's OK to check it out and see for yourself.

As for my husband, trust me, that's something I've been working on for six years now. :) The way that he handles things isn't always optimal, but I do what I can. I have no expectations that he'll suddenly stop being hard-headed one day. He may come to listen and respect my thoughts on certain matters as we get older, but there are always things he's going to fight me on until one of us is proven wrong.

[Incubator]

Originally Posted by sonuptosondown 

Do you think that asking a 5 year old to make this choice is unrealistic, though?  Maybe it depends on the kid, but I've been trying not to ask my 5yo dd if she wants to continue with K or not, though I want to.  She'll make comments anyway about what she wants to do, like saying she doesn't want to go to K today because she wants to ride her bike at the park like her brothers were going to do.  Or she loves art class at K (one hour a week).  Or she likes the drum she plays in music class.  Or she doesn't like that she had to quit gymnastics in order to go to K.

I'm questioning if a 5 yo can make a decision that will last for the whole school year.  My dd looks at small details like the above but can't understand the longer range.
 

I didn't ask him to make this choice. When you hear it every day and he talks about how all his friends go to regular school, and then one day your husband comes home and says "Hey, I want him to go to PS. HE want's to go to PS." In the end, DS did not really make any decisions, DH did. It just so happened that DS agreed at the time, and a week later they both changed their minds.

I didn't say he could make a decision like that clearly, in fact I believe I clearly stated that he could not, not without getting the chance to experience what he was asking for. Who says it has to last the whole school year? I don't see the harm in changing ones' mind, or in making bad decisions. It happens to the best of us at times.

ETA: OF COURSE it's unrealistic to think he could make that choice, I'm right on the same page with you. The problem is getting the concept that five is too young to understand what he's asking through my husbands thick skull. When he's set on something he's set on it. Either he comes out of it on his own or I have to let reality teach him the lesson instead.

Edited by Incubator - 11/30/11 at 7:15pm