Renaissance mama tries to hone in on a career...please weigh in

[doulawoman]

Hello Everyone,

I need some career and major life transition feedback from ppl outside my immediate circle. So, I'm 30 weeks pregnant with baby #2, and dd1 is 20 months old. We just moved across the country for a new start and a new job for dh, but we are pretty much broke from the move and not even sure he will have work till the baby is born. Anyway, that is not entirely why I'm writing, just a background.

I have read the book "the reanaissance soul" and really would say I am one, probably never have a "monogamous" career. I've studied a lot of random things -doula training, certified herbal consultant, nutrition, many short courses on child-care related stuff including wilderness/nature mentoring and on and on (was a manager at a boys and girls club before dd1), and have been lately toying with getting my ECE or Waldorf ECE or both, likely to run my own program, starting with in home care while the kids are young. But I'm in my foundation distance program for Waldorf and it feels 1.) too intense in terms of the philosophy for this time in my life even though I love and agree with so much of it 2.) difficult for me to move on to the part time teacher training with a such a young family, travel issues, loan issues (private institution), and I need to be working ina s chool and we live no where near one and probably won't due to the types of places my husband works... and honestl, I'm just not ure about it. I'm a bit bored, feel like I've mastered what I wanted to know about it...I know that sounds super fickle...when I was 18 i aginuzed over how to spendmy education money...I got talked out of things like yoga teacher etc. by my mother, nowI wish I'd picked one of those shorter study programs and just gone for it.

So...I'm in the position of really wantingto begin studying or trainging for a career soon...I know that I want the study to be as fexible as possible, not too long (four year degree honestly won\t happen), and very hands on yet also intullectually stimulating. It would be nice within a few years to have a solid skill that 1.) helps people 2.) I can work for myself if possible 3.) can be flexiblepart-time full time anc when/where 4.) makes a decent wage.

I had treatments with a woman I found deeply inspiring and they were very healing -she was a PT and a craniosacral therpist specializing in babies and women's health. She helped clear some of my endometriosis and helped me heal from a very traumatic birth,and veyr much helped my daughter as well. She seemed very grounded, happy, made good money, and very fulfilled. Good at what she did. I loved the way she was able to be so intimate with her clients yet professional (I've looked into counselling and lfie coaching too...among about 100 other things)...anyway, I know at this point in my life i won't become a PT, its really the craniosacral that fascinates me, but I'd want a stronger background in anatomy esp. and here in Canada something similar where a health plan could cover the treatments so I coudl help more people. I was looking at osetopathy (manual practitioner, it's not regulated in canada so there are 5 month programs as well as 5 year programs), or Registered massage therapist courses... then taking craniosacral therpist training and other specializations over the years for esp. working with babies and women as well....I'm just worried that I might not be good at it, that I'd burn out, that the training would be too much (I did find one for RMT that does all the theory by distance and then you go for 10 months to do the hands on on location and by then the baby would be 2-3 years old...)

advice please!! anyone elsein those fields.

[Adaline'sMama]

Ok, so I totally get where you are coming from about being studied in multiple different fields. DH was like this before we got married, and part of our conversation about getting married and having kids was focused on him just picking something. But, he will never JUST be the owner of a landscaping company. He wants to do a nursery, he wants to be an artist, he wants to be a million different things. But, in order to support our family , it was important that he pick something, so thats what he picked. I suggest you pick something that you already have partial training in that will be able to bend and fit around your busy mama of two baby schedule (Im due with my second when my first is 22 months, so we are in the same boat there.)

You said you have some training as a doula. Why did you decide not to do that? It seems like it would fit your life wonderfully.

[doulawoman]

Well, the doula thing...I had a very bad experience with one of my first births, in a very conservative hospital...we just mvoed from that area and I felt helpless to really help women. Then I had a bad experience with the midwives and two other DONA doulas -who trained me- and I had a newborn. I wasn't feeling like I believed in some of the mandates behind DONA. Doulas don't make much money generally, and the politics are heavy and you ahve the on-call aspect which I'd need to wait to do. I'm kind of just done with it I guess...not to mention developping PTSD symtoms after my daughter's birth. I didn't want to be carrying that baggage into someone's birth.

[GuavaGirl]

I just wanted to say that I feel like I can relate.  I just came to this section because I'm having some of the same issues and struggles.  I like so many things and can never seem to stick with something.  I feel like there must be a deeper underlying issue.

I feel like I've been trying to figure out what I what to do every since jr. high, but every time I look deeper into something or I end up deciding I don't like it.  I have a couple of friends who have always known what they wanted to do, went straight to college and were working in 4 years and are still doing the same job.  The big difference between me and them is personality types.  They're a little more type A, a little OCD about things, don't like change, like sticking with a plan, not super introspective.  ....I'm the opposite.  Plus, I feel like maybe I'm a little more lazy, carefree, messy, artsy, don't sweat the small stuff, etc.

I also have issues with depression and low self image from time to time, and I really think that may be the root of my problem.  I talk myself out of things or think that I won't be able to do it, or I won't be good at it, or I'm not smart enough, or I'll get burned out.  

As far as ideas for you, what about doing the Yoga thing now?  Also, being a postpartum doula is an option where you don't have to be on call.  What about a childbirth educator?  A lactation consultant?  What about esthetician or hair stylist?  Massage therapist?  Acupuncturist?  

I'm interested to hear what others have to say.

[jeteaa]

my similar situation is that for the past 3 years I "knew" I wanted to do "something".... I'm done having babies, both dc are school age and I am ready to not be a FT sahm anymore. So for the past 3 years I have tried to figure out what I want to do. I looked into applying to grad school, researched various majors. I thought about starting some kind of business, looking at many various options. I looked into just getting a pt job, such as working a my dc private school, or trying to start our own program. My point is I have spent alot of time exploring options.... and although many seemed like very plausible options.... none never felt exactly right. There was always some aspect of the options that just did not seem to fit. However, recently I came across an option very outside my box so to speak and it FITS. I KNOW this is what I am meant to do. I can totally see myself loving this career and being in it well past retirement age. So I'm going for it and I feel great about it. My advise is that I truly feel that when you eventually come across the perfect career path you WILL KNOW.... so wait until you do, but don't stop exploring your options.

[DeerMother]

What is this perfectly fitting career? You know, just in case it is my perfect fit too.

[jeteaa]

Originally Posted by DeerMother 

What is this perfectly fitting career? You know, just in case it is my perfect fit too.

I have a BS in geology but after 12 weeks of field work I knew that I did not want to be in the field. I also really enjoyed my mineralogy course but never thought about continuing in that until I came across the field of gemology..... so I am now in a graduate gemology program. 

[LessTraveledBy]

When my child was...

- a young baby, I wanted to become a lactation consultant 

- an older baby, I looked into midwifery

- a young toddler, I thought about making and selling cloth diapers

- around 3, I wanted to teach courses about how to raise kids

- 4-5 I thought about going back to school, part time, to become a psychologist

Considering that I have a master's in another field, and that I will stay at home for years yet, home schooling and all that, none of these really made sense. However, looking back, I noticed that these interests of mine were really connected to the different phases of my child's growth, maybe even to my hormones, rather than being long term interests. Inspiring dreams describes them well, really, but they were not realistic at that point in time, and not something I really would have wanted to do for the rest of my life.

The question is, is your need to find something more about money or about fulfillment. If you must be able to make money soon, I suppose you will simply need to choose something that is doable, both the studies as well as the work itself. Otherwise it might be wiser to accept how much your little ones will need you (and that taking care of 2 under 2 is really a full time job, IMO), and wait a couple of years. You may be surprised how much clearer -maybe even different- your thoughts may be by then.

I started by wanting to "just stay at home" with lots of kids. However, things did not go as originally planned, as I am only now pregnant with our second child, and will have a 7 year gap between kids. Really not the life I had imagined. Meanwhile, as I was craving a baby to hold and dd seemed old and mature enough, we became short term foster parents. When I found out I was pregnant, I thought that was it, why foster when I finally would have my own to hold. However, to my great surprise, fostering just might be the right thing for me and our family, although we will not start again until our baby is much, much older. It seems that fostering allows me to have interests outside the home, even a community of colleagues, while staying at home and doing what I had always planned to do. (Fostering here pays a pretty nice amount, so while there will be plenty of times without a foster baby here, it still ends up being enough for basically a part time salary, for something I would do for much less just because I enjoy it.) It also fits well our earlier ideas about wanting to teach our children compassion and the need to help others. 

I guess what I am suggesting is that the idea will come when you are ready and the situation in your life is right for whatever it is. The other way, I suppose, would be to just make a list with all the facts for and against each choice and then just go with which ever choice seems the best... That it not my way of doing things, but may work well for some.