Circ information- small and professional.

[Adaline'sMama]

I have a DS due soonish and we dont plan to really tell anyone in our family about our decision to not circ unless they ask. However, I am really worried about baby care and one of the grandparents. My parents have all girls. My dad is cut, and has never change a diaper for an uncut baby. When DD was born I think they only changed diapers 2-3 times in the first few weeks, but there were times when I was napping and they were over that they DID change a few diapers. MIL had DH cut, and Im sure still thinks she made the best decision and by us going against the same decision she made, we are going to put her on the defense. (happens with every.single.thing. so its pretty safe to assume).

At any rate, I think its likely that the issue will come up at the hospital when they are visiting the brand new baby. Basically, i think she will probably ask when they are going to do the circ, and that is when we will tell her we arent doing it. Insert her telling us all about infections, and how they will have to have it done eventually anyway and it will hurt worse, STDs, ect. I want to be able to hand her some information (a small pamphlet or brochure that doesnt look to propaganda-y) and tell her that we've done our research, here are some stats, DONT EVER RETRACT HIS FORESKIN!!!! ever. My parents are good at listening to things like this and both had kids really young and didnt do any research while they were little, so they usually trust that I have researched my butt off about it. MIL, not so much.

DH is willing to do all the talking on this and make sure that they know how important it is to him for his son to not be cut, and try to make sure that they understand not to retract him. He doesnt feel like it needs to be done in advance, and I dont want to put up (and refuse to put up with) any drama in my hospital room over this issue.

Where can I send off for some of this information. My OB also said that whatever info I get, I cant put in her office.

[transylvania_mom]

Honestly, I wouldn't try to justify it or explain why you choice is the best. I'd just go with a casual answer and something less likely to put her on the defensive: "Oh, people do it less and less nowadays." So she can't argue that circumcised is better than intact, and you let her know you are not judging her for what she did to your dh (although you might). If she tries to counterargument, "but so-and-so did it, and everybody I know does it", I'd say: that's ok, we're still not doing it, over and over. I'd just avoid a confrontation, but be firm on my position.

As for "do not retract" advice, I would keep it for when grandma babysits. Why spoil such a beautiful moment with lecturing your mil on proper advice on how to change a baby? I don't mean to be snarky, but I think that the best for your peace of mind as someone who just gave birth is to focus on the positive and not prepare for a confrontation. You don't need to show anything to anyone. You made the absolutely best choice for your son; just relax and enjoy the moment.

[Dan Bollinger]

What you want is to print off the Foreskin Care Guide and Penis Washing Instructions pages at Circumcision Decision-Maker.

. 

[Adaline'sMama]

Originally Posted by transylvania_mom 

Honestly, I wouldn't try to justify it or explain why you choice is the best. I'd just go with a casual answer and something less likely to put her on the defensive: "Oh, people do it less and less nowadays." So she can't argue that circumcised is better than intact, and you let her know you are not judging her for what she did to your dh (although you might). If she tries to counterargument, "but so-and-so did it, and everybody I know does it", I'd say: that's ok, we're still not doing it, over and over. I'd just avoid a confrontation, but be firm on my position.

As for "do not retract" advice, I would keep it for when grandma babysits. Why spoil such a beautiful moment with lecturing your mil on proper advice on how to change a baby? I don't mean to be snarky, but I think that the best for your peace of mind as someone who just gave birth is to focus on the positive and not prepare for a confrontation. You don't need to show anything to anyone. You made the absolutely best choice for your son; just relax and enjoy the moment.

Quite honeslty, I also dont want to have to monitor every single move she makes to make sure she doesnt change a diaper for the first few days too. I want to nap in peace and know she isnt going to retract his foreskin.

[wishin'&hopin']

How about, "our doctor (ped or whomever) said that circumcision is cosmetic surgery and does not recommend cosmetic surgery for babies/children."  Then, start musing aloud about whether baby has g'pas nose or DH's chin or your eye shape...

Then, at diaper change..."the doctor said that he/she wants us to be sure to only gently wipe the outside of DS's penis, like we would a finger, if it is visibly dirty--he/she said that if we retract it we could cause an infection".  

If they try to argue..."feel free to ask the doctor about it" AND/OR "isn't it amazing how doctor's recommendations change over time!"

Gentle, clear and it makes it sound like this is new information for all of you...not just the grandparents.  And, most of the doc's I know (I'm married to one) DO think of circ as a cosmetic and unnecessary procedure.

[Adaline'sMama]

While I think the above is what I will do, I think that DH will have to do a little more talking to her about what the ped recommends, since she has argued with us about why I chose to take DD to a ped this isnt the ped DH and SIL grew up going to (super vaxing, pro circ, antibiotics every time anything goes wrong kind of ped who is almost retired.)

Actually, when DD had a head injury at 5 months, she called DH's ped to come to the hospital just for "peace of mind" because she didnt trust what my ped said about it. She is a facts and statistics kind of person by nature, and almost everything has to be "proved" to her. Honestly, I wont trust her to watch DS even for 3 minutes while I pee if she wont promise us that she understands not to retract and that if she does she could cause our son a whole world of problems. Because she is an antibacterial hand gel using, throw milk away if its been in the sippy cup longer than 15 minutes, freak about germs kind of person that I fear would really feel that his penis just.wasnt.clean if she didnt clean under the foreskin. Honestly, I know its going to be an issue one way or another, because everything is unless she is. I'd like to nip it in the bud asap and not make our special day with our new kiddo all about why we arent doing something she thinks we should do. I hope its never even mentioned, not something to worry about and she will just say "ok" when do the diaper change, nothing with MIL is ever that easy. Ever. No matter how many times I assume that she will be an adult and understand me as a decision making responsible adult. Everything is questioned to the fullest extent.

Hopefully, it wont even come up. However, our hospital is still circing the majority of boys that are born there, so it may come up from a nurse. Last time I had to sign papers opting out of K, HepB, and eye ointment- Surely I wont have to opt out of circ?

ps. I use antibacterial hand gel sometimes too, just not every two minutes. When DD was little, I had to tell her that she didnt need to wipe DDs nose with a tissue with antibacterial hand gel on it to try and keep her germ free.

[mama24-7]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 

While I think the above is what I will do, I think that DH will have to do a little more talking to her about what the ped recommends, since she has argued with us about why I chose to take DD to a ped this isnt the ped DH and SIL grew up going to (super vaxing, pro circ, antibiotics every time anything goes wrong kind of ped who is almost retired.)
Actually, when DD had a head injury at 5 months, she called DH's ped to come to the hospital just for "peace of mind" because she didnt trust what my ped said about it. She is a facts and statistics kind of person by nature, and almost everything has to be "proved" to her. Honestly, I wont trust her to watch DS even for 3 minutes while I pee if she wont promise us that she understands not to retract and that if she does she could cause our son a whole world of problems. Because she is an antibacterial hand gel using, throw milk away if its been in the sippy cup longer than 15 minutes, freak about germs kind of person that I fear would really feel that his penis just.wasnt.clean if she didnt clean under the foreskin. Honestly, I know its going to be an issue one way or another, because everything is unless she is. I'd like to nip it in the bud asap and not make our special day with our new kiddo all about why we arent doing something she thinks we should do. I hope its never even mentioned, not something to worry about and she will just say "ok" when do the diaper change, nothing with MIL is ever that easy. Ever. No matter how many times I assume that she will be an adult and understand me as a decision making responsible adult. Everything is questioned to the fullest extent.
Hopefully, it wont even come up. However, our hospital is still circing the majority of boys that are born there, so it may come up from a nurse. Last time I had to sign papers opting out of K, HepB, and eye ointment- Surely I wont have to opt out of circ?
ps. I use antibacterial hand gel sometimes too, just not every two minutes. When DD was little, I had to tell her that she didnt need to wipe DDs nose with a tissue with antibacterial hand gel on it to try and keep her germ free.

I'm sorry to hear that MIL is overshadowing a joyful time.  

Oh my.  She sounds like a real piece of work!  What does your dh think about all of this?  

It really sounds to me like she needs to be put in her place about ALL of it.  She had her turn at parenting, now it is yours & Dh's turn.  End. Of. Story.  Perhaps, a "pass the bean dip," kind of approach would be best.  As in, she says, "What, you're not circ'ing, WHAT?!?!?"  

Your response, "No, we're not.  Pass the bean dip."  

Her: "You're not giving shots?  WHAT?!?!?!"  

You: "Nope, we're not.  Pass the bean dip."  

Her: "You're not using antibacterial gel after you checked the diaper?  WHAT?!?!?!"

You: "Nope, I'm not.  Pass the bean dip."

Become a broken record until she just stops.  

Seriously, she had her turn.  It's over.  Now it's yours & honestly, if someone was this intrusive into my & dh's parenting, they would be severely limited in their communications w/ us/the children, until the time that life wasn't all about these decisions (which is usually when the children are little).

I guess I'm lucky...everyone knows I/we just do things differently.  No one asks anymore.  

I hope you come up w/ a plan that allows you to enjoy your babymoon w/o her intrusions.

Best wishes,

Sus