Help!!!- 6/7 year old tantrums

[hembry]

OK, so I'm about in tears and so embarrassed after family photos today.  My MIL wanted a big group photo of her two sons and their families, so we met up with my MIL and my in-laws.  We are definitely the bigger group with our 3 kids (11 1/2, 6 1/2, 3 mo.). They have one 4 year old.  I was really worried that my 3 mo. baby would be fussy, want to nurse, etc. but he was fine- it was my 6 (7 in December) year old daughter that had a massive melt down. 

There are lots of contributing factors to the meltdown, but she refused to come out of it, folded her arms and pouted and/or cried for the entire appointment.  She was fine, and then a kid ran off with the balloon she had been playing with, and it was all over.

I'm not really looking for why (low blood sugar, another kid ran off with her balloon, jealous about cute cousin who loves her daddy, jealous about the baby, I just went back to work after 3 months of maternity leave letting me be a stay at home mom... I could go on...). I'm really looking for HOW do I deal with this???  Usually I would just ignore the tantrum (she used to have tons of them, but we really haven't had any in a long long time).  This was not something I could ignore- it was a birthday present for her grandmother, and she essentially ruined the entire thing.  I am SO embarrassed, and of course all she could offer was "I didn't want to take pictures" (in an incredibly whiny voice).  I'm feeling like the absolutely worst mother in the world- I don't know what to do.  She came off as such a selfish, spoiled brat, and I'm so upset. 

Help??

:(

[pianojazzgirl]

(((HUGS))) 

I think we've all BTDT... where one of our kids acts so awfully that we want to crawl into a hole.

That is what I consider an Emergency Situation, requiring Emergency Measures.  In almost any other scenario I would absolutely NOT do this (for a huge variety of reasons), but.... in an Emergency Situation I would stoop to using a bribe just to get through the damn photo-taking (or whatever) in one piece.  Is that "rewarding the tantrum" and quite probably a terrible idea in many ways???  Why, yes.  But, every once in a blue moon I find I need to take Emergency Measures... textbook parenting be damned.

"Dd I know you don't want to be here.  I know you're feeling upset about (fill in the blank).  But, we're here for Grandma and we just need to get this done."  Now, if you're lucky you happen to have a snack in your purse...  "Here, eat this (fill in the blank), and then, if you behave really well for the rest of the photo shoot (or whatever) I will take you to (whatever awesome place)/buy you (whatever awesome thing)."

Just sayin' sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do...

[Mummoth]

Originally Posted by pianojazzgirl 

(((HUGS))) 

I think we've all BTDT... where one of our kids acts so awfully that we want to crawl into a hole.

That is what I consider an Emergency Situation, requiring Emergency Measures.  In almost any other scenario I would absolutely NOT do this (for a huge variety of reasons), but.... in an Emergency Situation I would stoop to using a bribe just to get through the damn photo-taking (or whatever) in one piece.  Is that "rewarding the tantrum" and quite probably a terrible idea in many ways???  Why, yes.  But, every once in a blue moon I find I need to take Emergency Measures... textbook parenting be damned.

"Dd I know you don't want to be here.  I know you're feeling upset about (fill in the blank).  But, we're here for Grandma and we just need to get this done."  Now, if you're lucky you happen to have a snack in your purse...  "Here, eat this (fill in the blank), and then, if you behave really well for the rest of the photo shoot (or whatever) I will take you to (whatever awesome place)/buy you (whatever awesome thing)."

Just sayin' sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do...

This. Or the guilt trip, if it would work. Ds didn't want to co-operate for school pictures at that age and I told him his Gramma loves school pictures and she'll probably cry if I have to tell her he didn't have one taken. Well, she would have been disappointed.... I only exaggerated a bit.