What to do about sudden sleep anxiety in my 19month old?

[newmamalizzy]

DD is 19 months, and we've been on a very slow, relatively steady journey to sleep independence since she was born.  We had progressed to a point where, after PJs/books, we'd do a bottle, I'd lay down next to her, and she'd fall asleep listening to a musical toy-thingy.  Sometimes I'd rub her back or stroke her hair; sometimes she didn't need me to touch her at all, and would sing herself to sleep.  I felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel.  And then....

The past week or so everything changed.  DD freaks out when I try to lay her down in her bed, even though I'm lying there right next to her.  She wants to cling to me, hug me tight around the neck, and grasp at my hair and face in way that I just can't tolerate.  If I don't let her, she screams and screams.  I still really want to help her fall asleep, but if I don't do it the way she wants, she has a fit.  This has led to multiple nights of her crying herself to sleep with my lying next to her feeling helpless.  Essentially, she's crying it out, even though this is not my intention at all.  During the night, she wakes up reaching for me anxiously, repeating my name over and over again.  She's only soothed by having my face right up close to hers.

Has anyone been through a sudden bout of anxiety like this with their toddler?  What do I do?  I feel like every time she cries herself to sleep, the anxiety just increases.  But trying to soothe her in my usual manner isn't working either.  Tonight I just held her in the rocking chair after her bottle and sang to her until she fell asleep.  It was a relief from the crying, but it also feels like we're moving backwards...

I only have one theory as to why this might be happening.  We were out of power for 4 days this week, so life was just weird, and we had no baby monitor.  I usually go in as soon as I hear her on the monitor, but without it, I'm sure I took longer - maybe she never realized before this that I don't stay in the room with her when she goes to sleep?

I just feel like I've worked through her sleep challenges so slowly and patiently, for the express reason of avoiding this type of anxiety at night.  It feels like all my efforts were for nothing, you know? 

[andromedajulie]

OK - we have a 15 mo old and have just had a similar thing happen. Complete death screams any time we tried to put her down in her crib, after the completely normal bedtime routine. she wouldn't sleep unless she was being held - nap, all night long, anything. (i mean, death scream, like we're killing her, which is why i thought she was in pain) It was right after a 24 hour stomach bug so I thought it was connected, and went to the doctor. (obviously could have been some after-sick weirdness, but it was extreme) This was after several days of it.

Our doc is awesome, and felt that after being sick she was just regressing a little, and we should probably bring her either back into our room, or into our bed. That we should accommodate her anxiety until she showed readiness to move out again. (just want to say we are not cosleepers, i am not opposed to it but it has not worked for me.) 

So we brought her into the bed, which was very difficult as I can't sleep that way, but she slept there for a few nights, first night waking every hour+, the next couple nights sleeping more normally (waking 2? times). Now she is on a mattress on the floor in our room. I'm not totally comfortable with her on the floor, but that way we can start by lying next to her, and she seems to do fine when we leave. she still nurses a couple times in the night, maybe 11 and 4.

our next goal is to see if we can move her into her crib in our room. if so, i think we'll be able to get her back into her room. i love having her close, but we felt the need for our own space, having another child. if she won't go in the crib, we'll try moving her to her own room to amattress on the floor, but that makes me kind of nervous, as she could get up and stumble around and get into things, but that's another issue if it happens!

so..... no answers for you but that's what's happening to me and it did seem weird... but the doc felt it was not a problem, fairly normal.

[newmamalizzy]

Good to know we're not the only ones, andromedajulie.  Seems like it may just be the disruption in our usual routine that's causing the problem.  I think you're right that "accommodating the anxiety" is the way to go.  It just doesn't feel right to do anything else.  Good luck to you, and thanks for the input. 

[sept15lija]

My DD will be 2 in January, and we're experiencing the same thing.  She used to put herself to sleep for naps and bedtime after being laid in her bed, no problems.  Now after our normal routine, she screams and cries...at nap time she is fine when I rock her to sleep and lay her down, but at bedtime she screams even though I am rocking her and staying with her.  I have to shush her and physically hold her because she is arching her back and just so upset.  I ask her what's wrong and she just says "mama"...so I'm sure she just realizes I will leave after she's asleep and is upset by it.  She calms down after five minutes or so and then will go to sleep after probably 10 more minutes of rocking and then I lay her down, and then I have to pat her for a few minutes before I sneak out.  I miss my easy bedtimes and naptimes.....so no advice, but commiseration!  Hopefully we will grow out of this, soon!

[newmamalizzy]

Ah, yes, the back arching.  We get a lot of that, too.  She inevitably smacks her head at some point, which makes me feel even worse about the whole situation.