At what age do you let your child stay home alone? - Page 2

[meemee]

Originally Posted by dbsam 

For those of you who babysat at 12…I would not hire a sitter that young.  Of course we all know stories but there are a several tragedies that touched people my family knew and that is most likely shaping our decisions even though the odds of something bad happening are unlikely.

yup yup! personal experience makes a huge difference.

however when i look at babysitters i dont look at the age but the ability. my neighbors 10 year old i would totally leave my dd with even if my dd was 5 years old. i trust him over other adults too. plus he comes from a large extended family. he is the only and misses having siblings. so he just loves kids and is the favourite cousin. and my dd's fav. friend. right across the street the 14 year old. nope. wouldnt trust her to watch my 9 year old. she'd get my dd into trouble and my dd would feel pressured trying to do what's right and what's kind.

[hakeber]

I started babysitting the neighbor's kids when I was 11.  I was a latch key kid since I was 6, so I'd had lots of verbal training in emergency issues, but then when I was 13 I took the Red cross certification course. 

That being said I have never hired a sitter under the age of 17.

I am thinking of maybe using my friend's 14 yr old daughter next week, but we won't be going far, and she will have both our cellphones and her parents' cellphones handy, and she will be really cheap because we are going out with her parents. 

I think when people hired me to sit, in retrospect, it was 80% because I charged a fee that was reasonable (5-10 dollars an hour in New York City) and 20% because I was a trustworthy responsible teenager from their church or their building.  It didn't hurt that I loved playing games with their kids, was always doing artsy stuff with them, and when they came home the kids were asleep and I was usually doing my homework rather than making out with my boyfriend.

[Cyllya]

Hmm, why are parents these days not letting their kids stay home alone as young as in the past? With the way I grew up, I can't even imagine being unable to leave a 9-year-old home alone for 15 minutes, unless (s)he has some kind of special needs. What's changed so much in 15 years? I figured it'd be easier to leave kids home alone nowadays since it's easier to get in touch with each other (cell phones) and there're more entertaining things to do safely indoors (video games, etc).
 

Originally Posted by philomom 


My hubby waxes poetic about this sometimes, too. However, he can also tell you the day that his younger brother and he fell off a concrete wall and literally busted their scalps open. Bleeding profusely, they knocked on a few doors until someone helped them and called their mom home from work.

This was in the 1970's... I bet even fewer folks are home during the day now. But I guess some kids now have cell phones by age 8.

Regardless of age, I definitely wouldn't leave a minor home alone without a phone. It could be a home phone though. Or a "family" cell phone that doesn't officially belong to the kid.

[One_Girl]

Originally Posted by Cyllya 

Hmm, why are parents these days not letting their kids stay home alone as young as in the past? With the way I grew up, I can't even imagine being unable to leave a 9-year-old home alone for 15 minutes, unless (s)he has some kind of special needs. What's changed so much in 15 years? I figured it'd be easier to leave kids home alone nowadays since it's easier to get in touch with each other (cell phones) and there're more entertaining things to do safely indoors (video games, etc).
 

Regardless of age, I definitely wouldn't leave a minor home alone without a phone. It could be a home phone though. Or a "family" cell phone that doesn't officially belong to the kid.

I don't let my dd stay home alone because I had a bad experience as a child and would never want to have my dd go through the same thing.  I can't speak for all people, but there is a lot of fear about bad things happening to kids out there and kids seem to be doing just fine not being home alone so I can understand why more people aren't jumping to the ways of the past.

Our society also places a lot more value on kids than it seems to have done in the past so that may also be part of why some people don't have their kids home alone.  I grew up walking myself and my little brother home from the time I was eight and wandering the neighborhood and the adjoining streets with other kids from the time I was three.   It wasn't because my mom wanted a wonderful independent experience for me and my brother though, she was tired of us and wanted us out of the house.  I don't look back on my experience in a positive way so I am not choosing to repeat the past as a parent.

As for the original question, I am going to stick with the recommendations on the website about latchkey kids.  I think that twelve is a good age for being home completely alone.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by One_Girl 

As for the original question, I am going to stick with the recommendations on the website about latchkey kids.  I think that twelve is a good age for being home completely alone.

i kinda find it funny. at 12 you can be a baby sitter. but then you have never been alone. how does that work, ya know?

actually perhaps not here but in general it is far more common to leave kids alone at home than not. however not completely alone. there is always a neighbour who watches out. in fact one of the 4th grade students at dd's school used to come to school by herself taking public transportation. there are other kids where the parents drop them off at a public transport point and then pick them up from there. 

i am at school and there is this unsaid acceptance that if your kid is ok and there is a neighbor around, its ok to leave your kids alone. 

i've seen that all over the city here. 

i remember seeing 10 year olds as latch key kids. i wasnt even a parent and wasnt aware of any information. i'd see the local neighborhood gma keep an eye on the kids getting home and then watch out for the parents getting home. if the kids needed anything they'd come over to ask that person. where i live right now, i dont see that. but in many apartment kinda neighborhood, within gated community or where you have to be buzzed in, i have seen kids left alone. however at all those times i wasnt shocked or wigged out. because it seemed to work out well. there was more of a community feel to that environment. and those kids would be between the ages of 5 to 10.

for many they had no options. they had to work yet their son was recovered but not over the hump. he needed a day more of rest - which usually is laying watching tv or doing some crafty activity. the neighbor would check on him every hour. 

seeing them i would not say its a question of caring more so you dont leave them alone. its more of a survival in most cases. and lack of choices. the parents could choose between being homeless and being with their kids or have them home alone with someone keeping an eye on them and they go to work. 

[SweetSilver]

Originally Posted by Cyllya 

Hmm, why are parents these days not letting their kids stay home alone as young as in the past? With the way I grew up, I can't even imagine being unable to leave a 9-year-old home alone for 15 minutes, unless (s)he has some kind of special needs. What's changed so much in 15 years? I figured it'd be easier to leave kids home alone nowadays since it's easier to get in touch with each other (cell phones) and there're more entertaining things to do safely indoors (video games, etc).
 

Hmmm..... I think a lot of bad things happened back then as well.  I grew up a latch key kid, and, hmmm, fires on the living room carpet, being nearly kidnapped on the way home from school near the house and with nobody home, fights between my big sisters one including the kitchen knife, nearly choking to death.  And that's just off the top of my head.  As for being sent out the door until dinner without supervision, well one great-uncle drowned as a 2yo being supervised by his "big" brother and an uncle nearly-drowned at the same age (again, unsupervised outside), aggressive adults, nearly gotten run over by a train.  

This was all back in the early- mid- 70's.  Yeah, parents were less concerned, but then again a lot of s**t happened, too, because of it.  So, our fears might have gone too far in the other direction, but they are definitely not unfounded.

[One_Girl]

Originally Posted by meemee 

i kinda find it funny. at 12 you can be a baby sitter. but then you have never been alone. how does that work, ya know?

actually perhaps not here but in general it is far more common to leave kids alone at home than not. however not completely alone. there is always a neighbour who watches out. in fact one of the 4th grade students at dd's school used to come to school by herself taking public transportation. there are other kids where the parents drop them off at a public transport point and then pick them up from there. 

i am at school and there is this unsaid acceptance that if your kid is ok and there is a neighbor around, its ok to leave your kids alone. 

i've seen that all over the city here. 

i remember seeing 10 year olds as latch key kids. i wasnt even a parent and wasnt aware of any information. i'd see the local neighborhood gma keep an eye on the kids getting home and then watch out for the parents getting home. if the kids needed anything they'd come over to ask that person. where i live right now, i dont see that. but in many apartment kinda neighborhood, within gated community or where you have to be buzzed in, i have seen kids left alone. however at all those times i wasnt shocked or wigged out. because it seemed to work out well. there was more of a community feel to that environment. and those kids would be between the ages of 5 to 10.

for many they had no options. they had to work yet their son was recovered but not over the hump. he needed a day more of rest - which usually is laying watching tv or doing some crafty activity. the neighbor would check on him every hour. 

seeing them i would not say its a question of caring more so you dont leave them alone. its more of a survival in most cases. and lack of choices. the parents could choose between being homeless and being with their kids or have them home alone with someone keeping an eye on them and they go to work. 

I think it is probably fairly easy to guess that I wouldn't have my dd babysitting at twelve even if she could stand to be near young children for more than a few minutes at a time.  I don't think kids babysitting that young is very common and I coming from the experience of being a young babysitter I also think that is a good trend. 

I don't think it is always a case of caring or not caring.  I do know that in my mother's case it was a case of being burnt out and not wanting us around. We weren't at risk for being homeless.  I am sure there are people who truly can't miss a day of work and do have to choose between losing their job and leaving their child home alone, but I don't think that accounts for the majority of children who are left home alone. 

I don't think early babysitting or being left home alone are going to cause long lasting damage (barring the rare horrible incident) but I also don't see anything positive about it based on my experiences so I will avoid putting my dd in those situations.  This may be going too far towards sheltering but I really think that is much better than going too far towards neglect.

[dbsam]

Originally Posted by Cyllya 

Hmm, why are parents these days not letting their kids stay home alone as young as in the past? With the way I grew up, I can't even imagine being unable to leave a 9-year-old home alone for 15 minutes, unless (s)he has some kind of special needs. What's changed so much in 15 years? I figured it'd be easier to leave kids home alone nowadays since it's easier to get in touch with each other (cell phones) and there're more entertaining things to do safely indoors (video games, etc)
 

I feel the opposite...In my experience people leave their children home alone younger now than when I was little in the 60's and 70's.   Mostly because more of the mothers work and the children are home from school alone now.  My mother went to work when I was in 5th grade and hired a sitter for the after school hours until my dad arrived home.  From my childhood, I can only think of one neighbor family who did not have a sitter if they worked...the kids in that family went inside and were not allowed outside until the parents arrived home...which is when the rest of us went in for dinner.  Also, people are more transient and may not know their neighbors well enough to ask them to watch their children.  If a parent had to leave for 15 minutes and couldn't take the child they would normally send their child to a neighbor's house or have a sitter run over. My mom, as most of the mothers in our neighborhood, had and older woman, a highschooler, and many of her friends in the neighborhood she could call when she needed someone to watch us.  I think of my neighborhood now, I've lived in this house 19 years, and I would trust my neighbors to watch my children but I would feel like I was imposing if I asked.  Most of the teenagers and parents are so busy and always running around. 

edited to add...I just re-read Cyllya's post and realized she is speaking of the 1990's and I am speaking of the 1960-70's.  So...the trend may have gone back and forth over that time period.  And, of course, type of neighborhood (rural, urban, population, etc) also play a part in this.

Edited by dbsam - 11/7/11 at 11:18pm

[Ragana]

Wow, the age in my state according to that link is 14!

[CatsCradle]

This is what my state (NY) has to say about age appropriateness (in the link cited above).  They don't set a minimum age, but I agree with their summarization below.  I bolded the last sentence because I think it is particularly relevant. 

At what age is it okay to leave my children home alone?

OCFS is often asked questions regarding the appropriate age to leave a child alone, or what age is appropriate to allow a child to begin babysitting. There are no straightforward answers to these questions. All children develop at their own rate, and with their own special needs and abilities. Some children are responsible, intelligent, and independent enough to be left alone at 12 or 13 years of age. Likewise, there are some teenagers who are too irresponsible or who have special needs that limit their ability to be safe if they are left alone.
Parents and guardians need to make intelligent, reasoned decisions regarding these matters.

Below there are some items for these decision-makers to consider before leaving a child alone. Be aware, this is just the beginning of issues to consider. It is not an all-inclusive checklist to guarantee intelligent and reasoned decision-making:

• Consider the child: How mature is the child? How comfortable is the child with the circumstances? What has the child done in the past to show you he/she is able to take on this kind of responsibility?
• Consider the child’s knowledge and ability: Does the child know how and when to contact emergency help? Is the child able to prepare food for him/herself? Are there hazards to the child in the environment such as accessible knives, power tools, a stove or oven?
• Consider the circumstances: Where will the child be when left alone? How long is the child to be alone?

These same questions should be asked when considering whether a child is old enough to baby-sit. However, when considering a child as an adequate baby sitter, you must evaluate these factors for both the potential baby sitter as well as the needs of the child or children who will be cared for by the baby sitter. A child of 12 might be fine alone for two hours in an afternoon. Yet, the same child may be incapable of responsibly caring for a 5-year-old for that same period of time.

[Just1More]

I was a latchkey kid, too.  Totally on my own from about 7 on.  For about 2 hours every morning, and 2 every afternoon, I literally could have been anywhere.  I wasn't, but I could have been.  Different world then.  I also know that it wasn't my mom's preference, but due to other situations, her hands were tied.  I had a neighbor that sort of kept tabs on me.  Sort of. :)  By the time I was 9 or 10, I was free to roam the town. 
 

Originally Posted by hakeber 

It's funny, my sister and I were left home alone as kids, my sister was 8 and I was 6, and because I got home first I was often home alone for 10-30 minutes before my sister's bus arrived.  I guess that's pretty nuts thinking back.

I would not be happy about my son being left home alone until he was 9 or 10 probably.  I don't know...but definitely not yet...what were my parents thinking?!

[DariusMom]

I left DS at home for short periods while I ran out to run an errand in a neighborhood shop or something at around 7. Now he's almost 9 and I leave him for an hour or so while I run errands further away. However, we live in a great, closely-knit neighborhood and there is always someone home nearby (best friend's father is chronically ill and is always home, old lady on the corner always home, etc.) so he knows he can run to any of the neighbors if there's a problem. He's also a very cautious kid, so I'm not too worried about him getting into trouble. He would be *very* anxious, though, to be left alone for longer periods or at night.

[hippiemum21580]

My 3 oldest are almost 11, 8 and 6. there have been a handful of times Ive been late getting home from errands due to car trouble or traffic so they were off the bus and home alone about 10-30 minutes. we have gone over the rules, expectations, etc.... (Lock door, stay inside, no wrestling, dont touch the stove, etc....) They just get a snack from the snack bin and sit and work on homework til I am home. they are surprisingly responsible for a clan of little boys. :)

[kathymuggle]

I have just started leaving my almost 9 year old home for up to 15 minutes - usually because I need to go to the post office or buy milk or something.  I think she is capable of it.

It will be a while yet before i leave her home alone for any longer lenth of time. 

[sharon71]

I started leaving my kids for short periods of time like 30 min. trips to the store when my oldest was 11 so my middle dd was 9 of course I'd take the baby with me,after a period of time I'd increase the amount of time I'd be gone,by the time the oldest was 13 i was also leaving the youngest with them for short errand. Now at 16 and 14 they are my regular sitters while DH and I work after school until around the time DH comes home between 6-7pm.

[pigpokey]

Originally Posted by Ragana 

Wow, the age in my state according to that link is 14!

That link isn't right.  For example, my state Georgia does not have an "age."  It's up to the parents to be reasonable.  An agency can write anything they darn well want, that doesn't make it a law.

[pigpokey]

OP, I have a mature almost-7 year old who can stay alone occasionally for very brief periods if he has something to do, while I run his sister to a neighborhood lesson or sports practice.  By something to do I mean finishing his lessons, is engrossed in TV or a video game, or is lying in bed reading an audiobook. 

I think anyone who believes that it's safest for me to strap him into a metal cage and drive him through traffic, than staying home briefly (<20min) while engrossed in a book, tv, video game or schoolwork, is in for a rousing debate. .

I have a somewhat older child that is not emotionally ready to be independent that way, but can be independent biking to friend's houses or the neighborhood pool.  (She then will probably call me from the pool phone every 20 minutes to check in.  Each child has his and her own way.)