Dealing with a pathological liar/alcoholic?

[mama2004]

Anyone have any experience to share?  I have held on as long as I could, but it's definitely over.  Right now, we're trying mediation, although I'm not sure it will be successful.  Does anyone have any wisdom or suggestions for how to survive dealing with someone who has proven unreliable?  I am most concerned about the wellbeing of our son who is four.

[jaam]

I don't really have advice or suggestions, but I know that even if a person is willing to work to change habits/behaviors, who they are at the core will not change. I hope you can keep you and your son safe. 

[Halfasianmomma]

My XH was/is an functional alcoholic, sometimes drug user, pathological liar and manipulator. I would strongly recommend attending Al-Anon to get support for the alcoholism portion of the equation, as well as individual counselling to handle the other portions of his personality.

Next, do you have a lawyer? I would strongly recommend getting one...

Finally, I would highly recommend documenting EVERYTHING that is said and done with regards to your relationship and visitation exchanges. As I was gearing up to take XH to court for custody of our daughter, I wrote down every time a visitation was scheduled, every time he was late, cancelled or shortened the visit. I also did my best to keep track of the state of his apartment when I was there for visitations (his alcoholism had progressed to the point where he shook nonstop and often dropped his glass of beer...and then never picked up the shards), as well as the state DD was in when he returned her to me (many times, she came back famished, unchanged and once, covered in dried blood). I also wrote down a history of our relationship, including the threats, and instanced psychological/emotional abuse. When I went to consult the second lawyer I hired (fired the first one for not being proactive), I made sure to tell her I wasn't looking to cut XH off from visitation; my only concern was that visitation be safe and age-appropriate. After a while, she started to see just how effed up XH was...and then he didn't show up in court, which granted me sole custody by default.

Please feel free to PM me if you want to discuss this further.

[hillymum]

To the op, I am sorry you are in this situation and sorry I have no advice to give.

Originally Posted by jaam 

I don't really have advice or suggestions, but I know that even if a person is willing to work to change habits/behaviors, who they are at the core will not change. I hope you can keep you and your son safe. 

jamm, I just wanted to say that this is not always true. I am friends with a guy who is a recovered alcoholic and has been for 20 +years (he is in his 60's now). He has told me what a ^&^%&*( he was when he was in his 30's and married with children. After his divorce he met another woman, married and when that marrige was falling apart he sobered up. He is now the most amazing husband (his wife has Parkinsins and we suspect Altzimers) and fantastic Grandfather. He feels tremendous guilt about his behaviour as a father and husband when first married.

    It would be wonderful if we could say this will be Annalivia's ex, but we can't, but we also can't say it will not be.

Al-Anon is a huge support and help to anyone involved with alcoholism. Definatly go and get some support!!