Baby spacing - is it too soon for LO #2?

[KateDavies45]

Okay so lately baby fever has struck with a vengence for baby #2, DD is 9mo 2wks and I can't help thinking that the time is if not right now, getting closer (like within the next few months) to start trying for #2. DD schedule is fairly stable she STTN and has since 5mo, DH and I seem to have worked out the rough patches that stemmed from having DD earlier than planned (she was concieved while I had my IUD) and our financial situation has improved greatly in the last few months with my going back to work part time and his finishing up his degree and getting more steady work. but....

DH is unconvinced that we're ready he thinks it's better to wait until DD is in school full time before trying for #2. I think he's nuts. I understand where he's coming from about only haveing one baby to take care of at a time but I just don't think I could mentally handle finishing up that baby/ with-me-all-the-time/ nursing-24/7/ washing a million diapers phase and moving on to having a school age child and then adding another baby and starting at the begining again. I'd rather have two babies closer together....I'm already nursing/washing diapers/with DD all the time and I don't feel like adding one more would be quite as much of a shock now as it would be if I had already finished all that.

Anyone have any experiance with this, opinions and advise are appriciated! Thanx!

[librarygirl]

I haven't started my family yet but when I compare my family to my partner's, I'm more inclined to think like you. My sisters and I have gaps of 22 months, 3 years, 26 months. So 4 babies in 7 years. We were friends as kids and best friends as adults.

My fiance is 6 years older than his brother and although they get along okay now, they hated each other as children and it took them a long time to be friends because they grew up with different circumstances. Naturally, every child reacts to divorce differently but I think it was perceived differently by a 15 year old than  9 year old. Even though it was the same event, it impacted them differently because of their age difference.

To me, the most special thing about siblings is that shared set of experiences. No one else knows the craziness that is your own family quite like your siblings! I think a big age gap causes kids to have a different set of experiences growing up.

anyways, just my humble opinion.

[mt_gooseberry]

DS was conceived when DD was about 10mo, give or take.  So far, I don't have any major complaints related to the spacing.  DD ADORES her brother, and pregnancy/nursing/newborn/etc. was still so fresh in my mind that there was no need to readjust to all of that.  If I have any regrets, I don't know it yet! 

[emma00]

I think closely spaced children can work very well and I know many families with that arrangment that are doing great. However, that being said, personally I wouldn't space my kids under 2 years apart on purpose.   Obviously life happens and sometimes kids come close together than planned, but my observation of friends who had kids under 2 years apart (particularly 18mths or less) is that it is really hard and exhausting to parent a needy toddler and a needy newborn.  It is also usually a good idea to let you body fully recover from the demands of pregnancy and nursing before getting pregnant again.  But each woman is unique in how her body responds and recovers from pregnancy. 

Good luck.  No matter what the spacing is - it will end up being perfect for your family, because there is no real "perfect" spacing ;-)

[stellamia]

For every person who says "My sibling and I are 18 months apart and I love it!" There will be someone who has the opposite experience. I think what matters is you child's personality, and if you and your DH are ready. For me, those are the most important factors. Kids are friends and can play well together regardless of age gap. I think you brought up good points about your financial stability and also that you're already in the chaos of diapers/BF'ing, etc. It's SUCH a personal thing so I think it's really important to listen to your inner voice and your DH's opinion. 

[BaileyB]

I DO I DO I DO!!!! Have experience with this, I mean. My DD is also 9 months and almost 2 weeks and we are also talking TTC. I am like ready, set, do me! and DH is like, "ugh...we have a baby..." He's warming up to it though. I have a bad knee that may need surgery, so once we know what is going on with it we will talk again. DH and I were originally thinking about the same spacing that your DH is talking about and after having 2 back to back pregnancies and dealing with a stillborn he is not as gung-ho as me. But he does ADORE DD and I think that helps soften him. He is 1 of 4 boys in his family so I thought he might not be as warm as he is with a daughter, but he is great.

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I didn't read all the answers on here before answering but now that I read them, there is some great advice from everybody. I agree with the large age gap between siblings and shared set of experiences part. My mom is 14 years younger than her next sibling and they each experienced their father's death very differently and are very different people. They talk, but their closeness varies. Especially since my mom was raised almost as an only child. I also agree with the under 18 months gap part. I have 2 friends who have 3 and 4 kids that are extremely close and I would not want to be in their shoes. Not that they complain about anything but I would not be able to handle that. It also seems that they hardly ever leave the house. That is one thing I think about when considering TTC #2. It is so easy and enjoyable now to take DD shopping or to run errands and I wonder how it will be with another little one, especially in the winter here in MN.

Edited by BaileyB - 11/17/11 at 2:33pm

[Thyme Mama]

Something to consider is that many traditional cultures found it best for the health of the mother and the baby to wait until the youngest child is at least two years old before conceiving again.

That said, my little ones are 6, 4 and 1 1/2. My body feels absolutely depleted from being pregnant and breastfeeding for nearly eight years now. DH and I do plan on having more children, but we are waiting until the baby is at least two, and then I will see how my body feels then.

I will also add that I suffered from infertility for many years and went through several devastating miscarriages. After my oldest was born, I wanted another baby as soon as I could get pregnant, so I can completely identify with that feverish feeling of wanting another baby NOW. After my second was born, same thing. I gave birth 3 times in 4 1/2 years! I would not trade my kids for anything, but looking back now, I wish I would have spaced my kids farther apart, by just a little bit, to not only give my body a chance to build up my nutritional stores, but to give better health to my children and to have had more time to spend with each child before another baby came along.

[AnkaJones]

I feel the same way.  I wish I was already pregnant again, but DS is only 4 months old and still no PPAF... plus I'm worried it would interfere with nursing.  But maybe in March or so.... but everyone says to wait.  I guess we'll see what happens.

Anka

[StephandOwen]

I agree with the pp who said it depends on your childrens personalities. My children are 8 years and 5 weeks. I am SO GLAD we waited until my older ds was in school full time. I have lots of one on one time with the baby now, without having to worry about a needy toddler/preschooler.

My older ds is thrilled with his baby brother. The transition has gone much smoother than I imagined it would, but if ds were younger it would be a much different story.