I haven't posted here in a few weeks, mostly because I post from my iphone (the only internet I have at the moment) and it's a pain in the butt - but I've been reading!
Appointments: next appt is Dec. 2 and then on the 7th I start group prenatal care.
I'm super excited about that. My mw group offers once-monthly 2 hr sessions for small groups
of moms all due in the same month. So it's like a due date club, but in real life,
with midwife care (dopplers, tests, etc) and mom friends. Over the last few years, almost
all my local friends have moved out of the area and so I'm really looking forward
to maybe making some friends and having a support group of other women. Plus,
I love the idea of group prenatal care. I've had two babies already and it seems like
it would be really cool to share experiences with other women and if even one first time
mom can hear from other moms like me that their first birth doesn't have to be a guinea
pig experience, that they can have an empowering, amazing, natural birth, I'm totally onboard
Symptoms: Mostly gone, which feels weird. I'm still super tired (and my kids have been so lovely, they decided now was a good time to start getting up at 7:30 instead of 8:30 every morning. Oh, and the 2 year old refuses to nap most days too!). When my bladder gets full (like five times a night) it is painful - it feels like my uterus is crushing it to the point that it might explode. Other than that, nausea is almost entirely gone unless I go for too long without food or am really tired. I finally got some new vitamins with iron and I think that's made a big difference in my energy levels.
Food: My appetite has returned, but I still am mostly sugar-averse. Except for the pumpkin bread I've been making every few days with DD1. I am so in love with fall right now.
This baby was a strict vegetarian for weeks but now he/she is letting me eat a little meat. I have cravings for vegetables and dairy - especially sour cream, which I don't eat. Last night I had a dream about tomatoes.
Exercise: I've been trying to take longer walks with the girls at least every other day. As my energy levels improve, I'll start trying yoga maybe.
Milestones: I HEARD THE HEARTBEAT last Thursday and finally breathed a HUGE sigh of relief. It feels like the first twelve weeks of pregnancy almost didn't count because as much as I tried to push down the anxiety and be positive, I was so scared. And now that we're past the first trimester, it's finally setting in that we're actually having a baby.
My pants are getting hard to button and even though I lost 10lbs in the beginning and haven't put more than 1 lb back on (which makes me only 25lbs overweight instead of 35) my midsection is pretty puffy. We haven't told any family yet, including the relative with whom we currently live so I've been trying to keep the bump concealed but I think it's going to be pretty impossible in a matter of days. I saw her glancing at my belly a few times the other day so...ugh.
I ocassionally feel flutters that feel so much like baby movement, but I don't know yet.
Thoughts: SO many. Can't type them all up and they usually go through my head at such a rapid pace, it's hard to keep up. This pregnancy feels so different on so many levels. I feel more womanly than I ever did with the girls, I guess prettier...I'm SUPER emotional. ME! I'm the girl who can count on one hand how many times I've cried in the last seven years, I have been crying like every day. Especially...uh...after...with DH. It's been amazing lately (it's always been amazing, but lately...wow)...but...yeah...crying. Super romantic, right? I routinely have inappropriate dreams about men, which is especially strange because, it's not like I'm deprived in that department and...when I was pregnant with the girls, my inappropriate dreams were all about women. So, all those things together, I'm thinking this has to be a boy. Plus all the unusual food aversions/cravings, and especially the meat thing - I have NEVER been a vegetarian but for at least a month, I couldn't even think about meat.
We haven't told our families yet and I'm dreading that. I feel like this pregnancy is so special and sacred - especially after three losses (my family only knows about one of those losses and DH's family only knows about the first two) - I feel a strong need to protect the beauty of carrying this baby. And given that our families haven't been very helpful or supportive of us recently and our material circumstances are...lacking?..at the moment, I'm worried that all we'll get is disapproving looks and judgement and the gossip. I hate family gossip and it's already been running at full tilt lately. It's silly for me to walk around with a big belly and deny I'm pregnant (ahem...Jessica Simpson?) and I have no intention of doing so, which means we have to tell soon...but I wish I could just tune out all the Judgey McJudgersons or even...have the intestinal fortitude to tell them to shove it. :-)
For now, DH and I are treasuring this time. We haven't even told the girls (5 year olds have big mouths), so it's sort of just us (and a few of my girlfriends know) and that's special.
So...onward and upward, right? Cannot believe we're getting close to Thanksgiving. It's my favorite holiday and it will be small for us as usual, but I am excited about cooking and we have been having such magical fall weather - perfect for tea and pumpkin bread and knitting socks and wearing warm sweaters.