Sitting with a group of moms drinking coffee, one of the moms brought up competitive dance teams and how offensive she finds the outfits, the way the girls carry themselves etc. She really went for a bit. Then she brought up that the fact that one of her DD's friends (whose mom is part of this same group but wasn't present) is on a competitive dance team and now her DD wants to be on it to. She asked what we would do.
I said that there's no way I would have my DDs on something like that. At all.
Then one of the other moms said that all the dance places were really intense, and that all kid activities were intense.
I said that it wasn't the intensity I had a problem with, my kids have done some very intense activities. But, I wouldn't have my DDs that immersed in an activity that teaches that their values lies in being decorative. I said I have a problem with anything that sexualizes children. I kinda went on a bit.
Now I regret what I said because I have no desire to be rude about the activity that another, even one loosely connected with me, has chosen for her child. How do I really know whether or not that specific dance team is even something I would approve/disapprove of for my own child? I was only going off what another parent was saying about dance teams in general. May be it's a nice team and positive thing. How do I know?
Second, I see a massive difference between telling a parent who ASK me my opinion what I think, and indicating to others who haven't asked that their choices are *wrong*. May be the team is like Toddler and Tiaras, but even then, unless someone ask my opinion, it isn't polite or helpful for me to go around shouting it.
I regret that I said something that may get back to a parent and sound like I am judging her parenting choice. Yet I fear that trying to fix what I said which actually make it a bigger problem.
I wish I had either just kept my mouth shut or re-directed the conversation. With hindsight, the whole topic was really gossipy because the mom who asked our opinions was without a doubt dissing the other moms' choices. I wish that I had said that I wouldn't let my child do something against *my* values, but said it in a way that was respectful for other people having different values.
(All of the people in this story have children who attend the same, small school. The exact group that was present for coffee most likely won't meet up any time soon)
I want to re-do this conversation!