Toddler back in our bed and I'm due in 10 weeks

[lactatinggirl]

My daughter is 31 months old and I'm due in January. She still nurses and has been in her own bed (just a twin mattress on the floor) since around 18 months because it was obvious that she slept better without me next to her (less waking before I went to bed). She was night weaned around 24 months old, but I still let her nurse in the morning (extra half hour of shut eye is great!). She generally would go to sleep in her own bed at around 8:30, wake up around 5am and come in our room and go back to sleep, then wake up around 7-8 and nurse. Sometimes she would wake up earlier and come to our bed, but most nights she spent the majority of the night in her own room. 

A month or two ago she started wanting to sleep in our room more. She would go to bed in her room and then around when I was going to bed (maybe 11-12), she'd come to our bed. Around the same time she started wanting to nurse more too (like to sleep, which she hadn't done in a while). It pretty quickly turned into her asking to sleep in our bed every night and me complying because I just don't have the energy to deal with saying no. 

I know that a big part of all of this is that things are changing and stressful, so she wants to be around us more. I don't know if that will get better or worse once the baby comes. Right now I'm in school and she's in preschool for the first time 5 days a week for 4 hours, but she'll be done with that at the beginning of December and she's not going back next semester because I'm not going back to school on campus for a couple of years (new baby and all). I also know that she plays off my stress and I get more stressed when classes are in session, so maybe things will get a bit better once the semester is over. 

So I'm seeing my two options as either A. Keep her in the bed and co-sleep with two, or B. Try to get her back into her own bed. 

The problem with keeping her in the bed is that she is always right up against me. Like so much so that she's almost pushing me off the bed. When I was co-sleeping with her, I would just flip sides when I needed to nurse, but I don't see how I would do that without my toddler smushing my newborn. I would love some resources on how co-sleeping with two works. 

The problem with moving her back into her own bed is that I am so not cool with traumatizing her in the process. Everything I'm reading is saying that they'll be screaming and basically crying-it-out. I'm not okay with that even with her being older. I especially don't want to traumatize her when things are already changing so much. I would love some resources on gently moving her back into her own bed.

So what would you do in this situation? 

[TiredX2]

I think you actually have a lot of options.

First, you say "our" bed so I'm assuming there is another adult in the bed with you.  Would it be possible for your DD to sleep on the otherside of the other adult?  That way you don't get the aggressive cuddling?

Another option would be for someone to carry DD back to her own bed after falling asleep in your bed.

You could move her twin bed beside your own to create more space.

Have you made sure she is still comfortable in her own bed--- warm enough, not scratchy, etc...?

For us, DD was 31 months when DS was born.  We had one of the kids between us and the other on the side.  They were both still nursing, though, so that influenced that decision.  Not until DS was significantly older/bigger did we place them next to each other on the bed.

As for moving her back to her own bed--- I think the level of trauma varries from child to child from none to extreme.  If you want her out of your bed, there are a variety of things you can try.  How verbal is she?  Can you talk to her and get an idea of how resistant she would be to moving out of your bed.

Just to be clear, though, I do not think that you *need* to get her out of your bed in any way.  Both of my kids have been long term co-sleepers.

[lactatinggirl]

She could possibly go onto the other side of my husband, but the problem with that is that he goes to bed later than us, so he'd have to move her when he got into bed and we'd still have the issue of her squishing me/baby before he goes to bed. When the baby comes he may end up going to bed earlier though, so maybe that would work out better.

I've tried telling her ahead of time that she's going to sleep in her own bed tonight and she doesn't really resist, but then when we get to bedtime she gets upset at the idea of sleeping in her own room. It could be an option to move her to her own bed after she goes to sleep, but I'm not sure how long she'd stay in there. Certainly worth trying.

We could look into rearranging the room so that her mattress is next to our bed if that becomes necessary though. I don't know why I hadn't thought of that.