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Deciding when to tell - Page 2

post #21 of 69

we are going to tell all of our immediate family on turkey day.  we know everyone will be thrilled- bonus is the in-laws will be visiting from out of town and get to hear the news in person this time.  great way to knock the whole family out in one sitting. :)  outside of immediate family and the BFF we will wait until the end of the first trimester for sure.  so happy i can share this news with youse guys at least!

post #22 of 69

I'm thinking I might tell everyone at about 40 weeks or so ;) 

I'm really in no rush at all

post #23 of 69
Thread Starter 

I guess I'm just bad at keeping secrets.
Kudos to you for not feeling like telling people.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by BigMamaBear View Post

I'm thinking I might tell everyone at about 40 weeks or so ;) 

I'm really in no rush at all



 

post #24 of 69
I hav a group of ver close friends(6 of us) and I told them as soon as I pos..They were there for me last time when I needed them. Plus they would know as soon as I had Tea instead of wine! My business partner knows, but I regret telling her as she is giving me greif greensad.gif
Another good friend that lives afar knows, I actually was misscarrying at a visit at her house the last time, so I would need her!
I want to tell the kids and family, but I think we will wait a few more weeks.. it's so hard!
post #25 of 69

I had dinner out with some friends last night who I've recently gotten to know since moving back to New Zealand and after being the only one not drinking a margarita the conversation eventually took a turn to talking babies. I was the first one asked if we'd like to have kids and when that might happen! I tried to play it cool... 'Oh, you know....just whenever it happens....', haha. Who knows if I fooled them!

 

Blissedmama - sorry to hear your business partner is giving you grief! That's no fun, but how great that you have that tight group of friends for support to balance it out :)

post #26 of 69

I can't keep secrets! Our immediate family knows, and a couple friends. We are getting portraits taken this weekend, and I got cute shirts that say "Big Sister Again" and "Big Brother" that the kids will wear, then we will hopefully send out as Christmas/holiday cards! We will send the cards in mid-Dec though, because I do want to wait a little longer before going public.

post #27 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by DecemberSun View Post

 I had "implantation" spotting with my mc, but not my "real " pregnancies.  I also never got sick.  At 10 weeks I started bleeding, went in for u/s and there was an empty sac.  Supposedly blighted ovum. 



This was the case for me, too. Although the bleeding was a couple weeks earlier.

 

I had a m/c in March, and having to tell everyone that I was no longer pregnant was so unpleasant. Everyone from the clerk at the baby consignment shop to the chiropractor.... ugh, not a fun conversation to keep having!!

So this time, we are waiting until we see a healthy ultrasound (should be Dec. 6th!), and then going forth with announcing!

post #28 of 69

We had a late loss with our first pregnancy and then with our DD we told quite early cause we wanted support - 9 weeks. But this time we told our parents straight away and DH's family cannot keep a secret so they all know. I haven't told my brother or sister yet but will when I talk to them. I have told my boss as I am a teacher and she needs to know for planning next year. And we are telling friends when we see them. We are not into keeping secrets but also telling people helps it to feel real somehow. But I am enjoying not have started any of the prenatal stuff like looking for a midwife etc. Nice to just have peace rather than any medical stuff or decisions to make yet.

post #29 of 69

We're waiting for now. I'm not sure of my inlaw's reactions honestly, and I'm just enjoying having a secret. My best friends know (i couldn't hide it on the weekend roadtrip we went on this weekend, since I was balking at all the amazing food we ordered), but we haven't told the kids (they are going to be thrilled, but I worry about getting them excited and then losing the pregnancy). I tend to show really early, so I don't think we'll be able to hide it another month, but I'm in no rush. 

post #30 of 69

I had a late miscarriage with my first (15 weeks) but we told everyone important on Saturday when we found out (parents, siblings, grandparents and our older two kids) but told them we wouldn't be announcing until 6 weeks...

 

well it turned out I was already 6 weeks along (well as of tomorrow) so we're announcing it today.

I'm putting a shirt on our youngest daughter, only 14 months old, that says "Big Sister" and posting it on Facebook with the caption something like "Doesn't really fit her yet but should fit better next year."


Edited by MaerynPearl - 11/16/11 at 2:07pm
post #31 of 69

I had a miscarriage at 4W 3D and I'm a it supersticious so we'll tell our family at Christmas, when we'll be 12weeks.  I ordered a custom shirt from Etsy that says "Big Sis" in holiday fabric.  We're just going to send her out on Christmas wearing that and let everyone figure it out.  Also, we're going to do a "New Year's Card" with our daughter wearing the shirt in front of our Christmas tree and we'll send that out to all our friends/family as an announcement to them as well.  It's hard to keep a secret, but it's worth it. 

 

Personally, I am sooooo nauseous 24hours/day and I am super exhausted and bloated (up 6lbs already) so, it will be tough to get through Thanksgiving?!

post #32 of 69
Thread Starter 

I feel like I'm starting a trend of telling later and later. When I was pregnant with # 1, my mom confronted me at around 5 weeks (she had had a dream) so I told her and swore her to secrecy until 8 weeks. When I was pregnant a second time, we only found out on a Sunday and a miscarried on a Thursday so we only ended up telling people after the miscarriage which we estimate was around 5-6 weeks. I had some slightly negative feedback from my mom about having another baby so I didn't want to tell her about the next pregnancy. Also, my grandfather was really sick at the time and died when I was around 7 weeks. I was having serious anxiety from keeping it a secret so I finally told about #2 at 8 weeks.

So after we had a boy and a girl, we have been "told" by several people that we should be done and that where would we put another kid in our small-ish house. Even though, I know everyone would love another kid, it just makes me not feel like sharing.

Now that we are expecting #3, I'm trying to wait as long as possible to tell family and friends. I've told a few close friends and my yoga teacher namaste.gif. DH hasn't told anyone. I don't know how he can stand it. I hate that he thinks that the second we tell my parents (who we are very close with - both proximity and relationship) we have to tell his (who we are not close with in proximity nor relationship). I guess my problem is that my kids could tell them before I'm ready to so I have to figure out timing.

 

I just have to figure out how to get through another month and a half. This is the first time I've joined a DDC and I apologize for going on and on about the telling or not business, but I need an outlet somewhere.

post #33 of 69

no worries. If I could keep a secret at all, I would have to have an outlet to share my excitement and thoughts, too! As it is, I'm absolute crap at keeping secrets, and told the world pretty much already. I'm 5w5d today, and temps are stable and high, so that's always a good sign. FWIW, I called my mom, announced on fb, and then realized my dad's an idiot and had to call him late last week so he wouldn't find out from one of his siblings (who are essentially fb stalkers; they don't post, just *watch*--ugh). If it weren't for them (dad and siblings) getting together and planning a thanksgiving thing, I might not have called him for a few more weeks. 

post #34 of 69

lbkw - I'm sorry that your mom & others feel like they can dictate your family size.  That sort of thing drives me crazy.  I know that people ultimately just want the best for you, but it's still not right for them to tell you what to do.  This will be our first so I'm sure everyone in my family would be happy this time around, but after two we'll be in the same boat I'm sure!

 

We've told our closest friends & some co-workers so far, but are trying to hold off for family until Christmas (end of the first trimester).  My family will FREAK OUT since it's our first, and I'm actually kind of enjoying keeping it a secret.  I know that once we tell, they will be calling non-stop for a while telling me everything I should be afraid of.  Sigh.  They are pro-doctor, pro-c section, pro-epidural, etc., and we are hoping for a natural birth.  So I'm kind of looking at this time period as the calm before the storm, lol!  I am both dreading and looking forward to telling them.  I just hope I can make it through Thanksgiving without it being obvious!

post #35 of 69

Well, I told my mom and she kind of started telling my siblings. I'm not publicly telling people until Christmas, but with our family it will get around anyways I'm sure. Since so many people are finding out, we are telling the kids tonight, so they don't hear it from someone else. We had a good scan yesterday, and saw the heartbeat, that made me feel better. I'm still a little shy about it, because I've had a missed miscarriage before went on for quite a while after seeing the heartbeat. Although I've had two healthy pregnancies since then, I still worry until well into my 2nd trimester. I guess if people know, they know, whatever.

post #36 of 69

GoofyinOK - I'm not sure what you've chosen for your birthing plan... but getting a midwife for our homebirth was probably one of the only things that kept me sane through the pregnancy of my first baby. Everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) said that we were crazy, we were going to kill our baby, asked if we were crazy hippies... but when you have a midwife that you trust (and a good one) - she talks to you about all of your options, gives you information, makes you feel empowered... so that everyone else's "NORM" of pro-drugs, pro-induction, pro-c-section, just kind of roll of your back - because you know that it's not the NORM and they're not doing themselves any favors by not being informed... Plus, it's your body, your baby! I was so scared to tell my mother too, especially for this reason. Revel in the secret for right now... because you're right, the craziness is just about to begin! I found out from my family after DS was born - that they were planning on kidnapping me (jokingly, but semi-serious) if I went longer than 42 weeks (I was 13 days over) and taking me to the hospital for an induction because it's "not safe". (and I'm the crazy one?!) Good luck! This is a good group too - especially if you need any support for your decisions (whether they're popular or not) - most of the women on here are all about empowering each other's decisions (especially when they're educated ones)!

 

One other thing that's nice is that you can give them material to read regarding your birth decisions or pregnancy decisions to help them get more educated themselves. Ina May's Guide to Childbirth is one of those books that every single mother/grandmother/sister should read. :)

 

Mary - I'm a worrier too... at least we're all in this together over here! I want to tell people because we're excited, but I'm also anxious myself because I don't want to have to face people (heaven forbid) and repeat that I miscarried. Sorry to bring it up again - but you had a missed miscarriage that went on for a while? How does that happen - no blood or your temps stayed high? (Sorry if those are dumb questions - I'm worrying over here for myself!)

post #37 of 69

WendyJo - it is good to know we're all in this together over here. My missed had no blood, went in around 10ish weeks - no heartbeat. Had a D&C a week later, still no bleeding and I just had a hard time psychologically with it after I realized the baby had passed. The main symptom I had was that I wasn't sick anymore, but that happens in healthy pregnancies too so I didn't give it much thought.

Now after writing that, I will say we should both agree not to worry and stay positive! Before we know it we will all be posting birth stories!

post #38 of 69
I seriously want to postpone as long as possible! I only told dh today lol.gif

I feel like its magic while its a secret but after telling it becomes science, people asking too many questions and getting in my business. I think partly becuase the birth culture here is super super "mainstream" (outdated might be a better word? Coz a lot of it is mainstream to e but not our local hospital or the people around us) and hospital based and my preferences are well, pretty much different on everythung surrounding pregnancy, birth, postpartum that I felt really stressed and exhausted repeating myself, justifying, explaining with our last pg--even prett " normal " stuff formdc, delayed cord clamping, not finding out the gender, skipping the u/s, and waiting to name him til we met him, cloth daipers, breastfeeding. Just a nightmare with the inlaws and clucking at us at every corner it seemed.

If we had more supportive, understanding folks, I might feel differently abt waiting to tell, I guess. But I. Like that the experience is Mine for now and I get to fully experience it without the explaining, justifying, etc.

Hoping to hold off til New Years Eve and maybe send a mass text at midnight announcing that we will be greeting another family member in 2012.

Tho it seems my tummy is returning to round mama form quickly, so we'll see if we can last til Jan 1!
post #39 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by WendyJo410 View Post

GoofyinOK - I'm not sure what you've chosen for your birthing plan... but getting a midwife for our homebirth was probably one of the only things that kept me sane through the pregnancy of my first baby. Everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) said that we were crazy, we were going to kill our baby, asked if we were crazy hippies... but when you have a midwife that you trust (and a good one) - she talks to you about all of your options, gives you information, makes you feel empowered... so that everyone else's "NORM" of pro-drugs, pro-induction, pro-c-section, just kind of roll of your back - because you know that it's not the NORM and they're not doing themselves any favors by not being informed... Plus, it's your body, your baby! I was so scared to tell my mother too, especially for this reason. Revel in the secret for right now... because you're right, the craziness is just about to begin! I found out from my family after DS was born - that they were planning on kidnapping me (jokingly, but semi-serious) if I went longer than 42 weeks (I was 13 days over) and taking me to the hospital for an induction because it's "not safe". (and I'm the crazy one?!) Good luck! This is a good group too - especially if you need any support for your decisions (whether they're popular or not) - most of the women on here are all about empowering each other's decisions (especially when they're educated ones)!

 

One other thing that's nice is that you can give them material to read regarding your birth decisions or pregnancy decisions to help them get more educated themselves. Ina May's Guide to Childbirth is one of those books that every single mother/grandmother/sister should read. :)


Awww, thanks, WendyJo.  :)  We actually are in the process of choosing a midwife right now.  It's kind of slim pickings here in Oklahoma, but just last night I found one that I REALLY like.  I spoke to her on the phone for quite a while, and we're supposed to meet with her the Monday after Thanksgiving.  If all goes well, we'll be doing a homebirth, too!  I'm so excited because I had heard so many horror stories about the midwives in my area, but she has great reviews and we just clicked.  I'm still really afraid to tell my family - they will react just like yours did, they've already been pushing a c-section and drugs before we even conceived!  But oh well, at least they live in another state about 3 hours away, so it's not like they can do anything.  Heh.  I just wish that they'd understand that I'd never do something to hurt my baby, you know?  It's like they think that because I don't want to be in a hospital, I don't care about the health of the baby, which couldn't be further from the truth.  You know how it is!

 

Anyway, I have Ina May's Guide to Childbirth at home right now.  I just checked it out from our library and am so excited to read it!  orngbiggrin.gif  Let me know if you have any other recommendations, I'm all ears!

post #40 of 69

Craft_Media_Hero - I totally understand how you feel.  Isn't it frustrating that you know once you tell everyone, the judgment time begins?  I told a lady at my work who I thought would be supportive, and she turned around and starting asking a million questions.  Once she got out of me that I wanted a natural birth, she started telling me horror stories and about why an epidural was the only way to go.  I haven't told anyone else at work since.

 

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