Deciding when to tell - Page 3 « Back to Group Discussions

[mrs_mandolini]

Hi all!

I am super excited and want to TELL EVERYONE. July 27th or so, by my estimate. I had my first at 32w, so if I make it to July 4th (37w) I will be fabulously happy.

However, someone I see every week announced in May or so... by October there was no bump. :-( I didn't hear her talk about a loss, but certainly didn't want to ask, either.

So I'm paranoid about saying anything!

Also if it's like last time, I'll be sick as a dog around 7-8 weeks. That is hard to hide in social situations involving food.

My in-laws asked not to be told until 12 w as a general rule (they said this before we had the 1st.) Um, if I'm sick at Thanksgiving, they're gonna know! And that is before 12w. too bad!

[tolovemercy]

Originally Posted by mrs_mandolini 

My in-laws asked not to be told until 12 w as a general rule (they said this before we had the 1st.) Um, if I'm sick at Thanksgiving, they're gonna know! And that is before 12w. too bad!

!!! When you decide to announce seems like a very personal decision to me- I can't believe your ILs would ask you to wait for their sake!   
 

Anyway, CONGRATULATIONS!  I am so excited for all of us.

[T-Bear]

We told our immediate family the day we got our BFP, but I am trying to wait until 12 weeks (around Christmas) to tell everyone else, but I am already so bloated I think I already look pregnant. I'm worried what it will look like in just a more weeks if this keeps up!

[lbkw]

I am a terrible secret keeper - even though I'm really trying.

I broke down and told my boss yesterday even though I had wanted to wait a couple more weeks. I mean why tell your boss at 6+ weeks if you don't really have to?

We were having this strange heart-to-heart and he was inviting my husband and I over for drinks with he and his wife. (I don't drink and most people are unnerved by that.) And I was running out of protests so I was like it can't be for a while and he was like, are you telling me something? And then he was all apologetic and nice and congratulatory. And he totally gets the chance of loss since he and his wife had several unexplained losses.

So...just have to make it through tomorrow with my parents before I blow all of my secret plans! LOL

[craft_media_hero]

Originally Posted by GoofyInOK 

Craft_Media_Hero - I totally understand how you feel.  Isn't it frustrating that you know once you tell everyone, the judgment time begins?  I told a lady at my work who I thought would be supportive, and she turned around and starting asking a million questions.  Once she got out of me that I wanted a natural birth, she started telling me horror stories and about why an epidural was the only way to go.  I haven't told anyone else at work since.

Exactly!

Plus, a lot of my friends are pg with their first right now, and I've kinda been in this supporting role (I rly wanna be a pp doula!)--I remember with my first pg, I felt so special and then two wks later my sis announced her third and I was happy to have a pg buddy but just wanted to be special for a while? So I'm going to wait til I start showing.

On the other hand, I want to tell my sis cz she's pg too and will be so excited for us, she is pretty awesome abt being supportive and reserving judgments. I wanna talk about it with her! I have an out of town friend coming this week, and last time she was in town, I was just beginning my pg with ds-she is a CBE and like minded mama and I will probably let it slip to her.

So I guess I might tell a couple folks selectively.


BTW with the bloating---
My experience has been getting bloaty and round tummy looks like starting to show, in the first few weeks coz of eating more and digestive changes, then all that kinda settles in and go back to normal size til around 4 mo or so when starting to show. So I toally get what yall are saying abt that, I've wondered if I look pg yet already. Some really tuned in folks always seem too know right away!

[ivymae]

We told the kids about the "new baby" today (because i am so sick and they kids kept asking what was wrong) and Alice did the happy scream and said "WE'S GET A BORNED BABY!?" and Ella asked if she could sing to them. Yes, them. Oh dear. 

 

I do still worry that this bean may not stick, and then we'll have to 'untell' the kids, but it was either tell them or say I had the flu for the next month. Now I have to figure out how to tell my MIL before the kids do....

[deborahbgkelly]

We have told my immediate family and DH's cousin. I have also told my acupuncturist, my Sensei and one friend who I have not met IRL, so she won't have anyone to share it with where it would be a problem. She's also suffered many losses, so if something should happen (G-D forbid), she'd be able to support me. Not sure if DH will tell anyone else in his family right away (maybe after first ultrasound in December?). In terms of the big announcement, it will either be 12 weeks or when I start showing, whichever comes first. I'm short, so I could start showing early, especially if both embies we transferred stuck (highly likely).

[Patches]

I am here because I haven't told many people, and I need to talk about it somewhere!  :)  I have told my mom, and a few of my closest friends.  No-one at work, yet, because I don't want to start the firestorm of gossip around what's going to happen when I'm gone.  (politically speaking.)  DH told his brother and will tell his best friend next time we see her...  not telling the kids yet.  The toddler won't understand, but my 4 year old is desperate for a baby sister.  So I want to make dang sure when I tell him about it that the baby is sticking!  I wouldn't begin to know how to explain a m/c to him at his age.

[MaerynPearl]

This was our announcement picture:

[Patches]

Cute!

[DecemberSun]

Well my husband got tipsy and told my brother via text (who was also tipsy.)  He can keep a secret, though.  And I told me 4 yr old this morning, only because I'm sick and wanted her to know why.  She is super excited and wants the baby out NOW, lol.  I told her to keep it a secret, but I'm sure I'll have to tell my other kids soon.  I'm not really ready to tell my parents and extended family yet because even though I know they'd be supportive, they'd also ask questions about HOW we are going to do it.  We have a lot going on over here, and this was an unplanned pregnancy, but I know it will work out.  A baby is a blessing, not a burden for DH and I.  <3  My family is all in the medical field so I know I'll get flack about having a homebirth (my aunt is a nurse practitioner and always says "Home delivery is for pizzas, not babies!"), but since last time I had a UC, they better be happy that I'm using a Naturopath/Midwife for this birth, lol.   

[MaerynPearl]

lol My 6 year old even is having trouble understanding mom won't be having the baby until SUMMER!

"well the baby could come early and be here by Christmas"... awww, sorry doesn't work that way hun!

[stegenrae]

I honestly thought my kids had forgotten, they'd seemed so nonplussed about it when I told them. (okay, other than my 6yo telling me he thought the name should be either Sally for a girl, or Nick for a boy--because those are the kids' names on The Cat in The Hat on PBS. I told him I'd put them on the list, but they might not be the right names, lol.) Then this morning, my 6yo is doing a handstand and asks if it's good for me to drink orange juice while I'm growing a baby. AWW. 

I said something on facebook yesterday and a whole bunch of people said they didn't know--even classmates who saw me with my pooch Saturday at a class reunion. :/ (another friend there said she thought so because I was so trim everywhere but *right there* and she assumed it was a bump. thank goodness someone understands proportionality.) 

I did ask a friend from church to wait to put it in the announcements until after the new year, though. I don't go all that often, so if something bad were to happen with this pregnancy, it's not like I'd need their support or anything (beyond my friends there who know). So they get 2nd trimester knowledge. :P

[ms.shell]

dangit, we have gotten some drama over telling.  i told my sisters and mom and best friends i think it was the same day i found out.  i left it to dh to tell his family, but he didn't.  He had a friend over to watch football the other night, and he told him.  I mentioned that he really should tell his folks and siblings before the friend lets it slip at the bar where s-i-l tends bar....figured it would cause hurt feelings that he told B (friend) but not his family.  He was at least a little drunk and picked up the phone to call that sister.  She got all excited and asked him if SHE could call their mom.  He said sure, and apparently this upset his mom that he didn't call her himself.  And then his mom called and had the nerve to say something like, "OH NO! What are ya'll going to do, you don't have enough money for another kid..."  Since dh was DRUNK and already worried about this himself, he got quite upset and that phone call was a mess!  I already have a really hard time being around or liking his family, and this is making me want to have nothing to do with them!   I mean, I bet my mama was thinking the same thing, lol, but she had the grace to say Congratulations, at least!   I also have one sister who is trouble because she has always desperately wanted twins.  I think she was relieved that we lost our first set, and she is NOT happy to hear that I think they have come back to us.  I think she is green with envy and probably praying every day that we don't get them back.  So at this point, I wish I had kept my mouth shut and kept a secret!

[WendyJo410]

ms. shell - Wow, I'm so sorry! This world would be a much better place if people could honestly just be happy for the good things that happen to good people. I'm sure you will raise your children to not have feelings like that toward their siblings and their parents!

[Luv2bemommy]

Not sure when we are telling the world.. A few close friends know, my mother and sister in law/brother, our kids know and that's about it.. When you have a large family, a pregnancy announcement isnt all joyful news. Most people arent happy for us. So we are sharing with the ones we know who is happy with us right now and worry with naysayers later.

[tolovemercy]

Originally Posted by Luv2bemommy 

Not sure when we are telling the world.. A few close friends know, my mother and sister in law/brother, our kids know and that's about it.. When you have a large family, a pregnancy announcement isnt all joyful news. Most people arent happy for us. So we are sharing with the ones we know who is happy with us right now and worry with naysayers later.

Yes.  I grew up the oldest of seven (my younger siblings are still very young), and while WE were always thrilled to add members to our family, I remember so many announcements being met with disapproval.   We also want to have a big family, and announcing my fourth pregnancy to my grandparents warranted no response except an eyeroll and a shake of the head.  

Anyway, congratulations on this brand new eternal soul and sweet addition to your family.  Hope we can all ignore the meanies.

[deborahbgkelly]

So, DH and I have told his cousin and will tell his aunt (her mom) today. We have decided that if everything looks good at our ultrasound on Dec. 8, we'll tell the rest of his family then. We'll wait for the big announcement until 12 weeks or showing (whichever comes first, as stated earlier) with permission to tell a few friends here and there in between. It seems DH is pretty much leaving the announcing decision up to me. He's been so great since we found out I'm PG though, so I know he is also excited. He's not the most emotionally demonstrative person, so I'll take that as my clue.

[lbkw]

Originally Posted by deborahbgkelly 

It seems DH is pretty much leaving the announcing decision up to me. He's been so great since we found out I'm PG though, so I know he is also excited. He's not the most emotionally demonstrative person, so I'll take that as my clue.

Same here. I am almost waiting for him to change his mind or something.

We broke down and told my parents the weekend before Thanksgiving. My mom was way more supportive than I expected which was a huge relief. They were planning a vacation for the week of my due date so we needed to tell them since my mom has always been with me to help right after the babies come.

Waiting till after midwife appt tomorrow to tell my grandma and then we're waiting till 12/18 (a family party) to tell everyone else in my family including the kids. Hope I can make it since I've failed on my other dates. Planning to wait to tell in-laws in person when we see them at the end of December. We've never had an opportunity to tell them in person before so I think we'll try to hold out.

[deborahbgkelly]

My mom is super-excited since this will be her first biological grandchild. We had a good, happy cry before she left on Sunday. I am the youngest, so, of course, my mom said, "My baby is having a baby" with tears flowing down her cheeks. It was quite beautiful