Want to do Sleepover at Grandma's

[Ma Cactus]

Hi folks

My sister wants my mother and I to go away for a weekend with her for her birthday.  I'd like to go, but I have never spent the night away from DS in his 23 mos.  We thought it might be easier if he spent a night at Grandma's first, although he will be spending it with DH when (and if) the actual event comes. So we tried it this weekend, and it was a non-starter.  He had a great time playing there with Grandma & Grandaddy and one of his cousins, but when he realized we weren't coming back for him he got hysterical.  They called us around 10 and he calmed down as soon as she told him were were on our way. 

He is not nightweened, and usually nurses a lot at night.  The only time he couldn't, at around a year, when I had had surgery and we coudln't nurse til 4am, he was awake and very distraught every half hour with DH. That's part of why I thought it might go better at Grandma's, although it was so long ago. 

My neices both slept fine at Grandma's long before they were weened, and seemed to just know it wasn't part of the routine there. 

Any thoughts on how to go about this?  If we havn't had a successful test run before the trip, I don't think I could relax and have a good time (let alone sleep) knowing that he is not okay with my absence.  On the other hand, it would be blissful to sleep a night through after two years!

Thanks in advance!

[Adaline'sMama]

It seems to me like maybe you should go stay at your mom's house one night and let him stay with DH at home. Or go out with DH one night and see if your mom will stay at your house? Maybe it would help for DS to have the comfort of his own house.

Honestly, Im sure it was like this the first few times that DD stayed with gma, but they drove her around in the car (she was a lot younger) to appease her.

[lifeguard]

I don't really understand why you are using a sleepover at grandma's to prepare for a night alone with dh. We most definitely found it easier to leave ds alone with dh looong before we coul do a successful sleepover at grandma's. fwiw - it took 2 false tries before ds made it through a whole night at my mom's.

[Ma Cactus]

Well, I thought it would go easier at Grandmas as a first step because of the way my nieces did so well there, and because he has shown an interest in spending the night there in the past. It seemed like the novelty of a different place might help. At home he expects Mama and boobie to be available, and I always have been. But I guess we should just try something else since my hypothesis did not pan out.  Adelines Mama - sounds like a good plan B. wish us luck!

[DCMama01]

Was he given a bottle when he cried at your moms?

DD is roughly the same age (she will be 2 next week) and was rough the first 2-3 overnights with my mom. She was super attached to me and would cry alot more than other babies/toddlers. Well my mom kept taking her because she said she would warm up to her and I'm so glad I did. I did not rest very well away from her initially from worry. Now, DD sees my mom and takes off towards her. They have such a strong bond andboth seem to go through withdrawal if they don't see each other every weekend. My mom now takes her at least one night a week and its been such a blessing.

I do think it will be easier with DS to stay with DH. But even if its not, its all the more reason to do it. The two of them should establish a routine independent of you...why not start now?

[Ma Cactus]

DCMama01 - Grandma did not try to give him a bottle becasue he hasn't taken one for probably a year, and he was never keen on them at any time.  DH and my sister watch him the days that I work, and even when he really needed it, he preferrred to hold out for the real deal.  I guess its something I should have them try before they give up and call in the rescue. 

The funny thing is, when I go to work, he had all of one week fo separation anxiety ever.  Luckily, I didn't have anything pressing the first day it happened, so when he freaked out I just stayed with them until he fell asleep for his nap a few hours later and went in late.  DH had him the next time so it wasn't as bad. And that was it.  After that he woudl just give me a kiss goodbye and get on with his day.  Maybe since we came back for him the first time, he will be relaxed next time since he'll know we'll come for him if needed.  Fingers crossed!