Single, pregnant again and shameless

[jess in hawaii]

Any other pregnant single mamas with a bunch of kids already? Excited even if it's a surprise? Don't care what the neighbors think? I'd love to connect with other women going it alone, happily (or at least contentedly).

[jess in hawaii]

Oops! I wasn't finished making the poll when it glitched and posted. Can't figure out how to fix it..... oh, well, I'd like to know whatever the reason you are parenting by yourself.

[contactmaya]

My children are all intentionally conceived as a single woman. 

[jess in hawaii]

Alright, first response! Thanks for answering :)  How many do you have?

I had partners with mine (3 fathers, 4 kids) but they were all fairly new relationships when I got preg.

#1 I got out of the relationship pretty quickly, #2&3 were with a sociopath who I was dumb enough to marry, #4 was the love of my life (haha).... I am was a hopeless romantic. This one is a BIG surprise, (what's a little rebound between friends? I thought)  and I am not even trying to pursue coparenting; definitely the best choice I can make.

I wish I had done it all alone, but at least I can still do the rest alone :)

[contactmaya]

I am currently pregnant with my third. All three have different donors. I  worked with a known donor and anonymous donors as well. 

[Mom31]

I am divorced with two. I was living with xh but not married tho we got married before the baby was born. WE left xh when ds was 3 and dd was 18 months.

I have been on my own ever since. 

[docta]

I have been trying to get pregnant for a while, and my partner has just told me she's leaving me 3 days ago.
 

I will still be trying to get pregnant again using donor sperm...I want to have a baby & our daughter needs a sibling...but I think this will be hard because I will be dealing with the dissolution of our relationship at the same time as I'm trying to get pregnant

[hazeldust]

I love the positivity of this thread! Good for you:-) I'm not pregnant..I have three kids from the same dad, who I was in a relationship with for a long time. My third was conceived after we 'broke up' , but were still living together for lack of an alternative. I'm so glad I have her. She is a joy, as are the other other two:-D! 

[UmmZen]

I had 4 with ex-husband, then got pregnant by surprise with #5 and decided I didn't want to deal with the guy I was pregnant by.  Best decision I ever made! And, having been pregnant several times prior, I sincerely believe that if she needed him around, I would have felt the urge to stick with him. 

I want another.  I feel a boy hanging around and will probably buy some sperm in a couple of years. 

My parents were quite astounded by how shameless I was about being unwed, pregnant, and happy with my decision to have the baby alone. At first.  They got over it. I told them I was tired of doing what others expected of me.  I have yet to regret any of this.

Good luck to you! Life is only as fun as we determine it to be. :)

[animegeekmom]

I have 4...DD from one dad and 3 DS's from another. I would love another someday. I have always felt I would have another girl. I just need a few years to get a higher degree and have a better income, and then if I am still alone at the time, so be it. That won't stop me :)

[jess in hawaii]

Thanks Ladies for all your responses. It's interesting to hear the different ways we find ourselves on this path. I think that being secure in our choice to single parent (whether it is our absolute ideal or not) is a strength. Focusing all our energy on our children instead of dividing it with a difficult relationship is going to benefit them in the long run. I know that for me, when I have been in partnership, it made my job as a mother harder, because they weren't true partnerships. I admire the women who have known from the beginning that motherhood was more important than co-parenting.  Not to dis moms with wonderful loving supportive partners-more power to them. It just feels good to be confident that I can do this and it is my choice, and nobody else has to like it or do it, it's still right for me and my family.

[jess in hawaii]

I have a question for all you mamas without partners who got pregnant in the "usual" way..... What are your thoughts or experiences on paternity? Father on the birth cert. or left blank? Any contact or none at all? Do you know the law in your area? I am inclined to put nothing on the birth cert. if possible, although the baby will be considered my husband's. I also don't want any contact, but I live in a very small community and I don't feel like hiding in the shadows either. What are y'all doing about it?

[DCMama01]

Pregnant by a long-term boyfriend, relationship was going downhill when DD was conceived (not on purpose). Ex is still in her life but I do the heavy lifting. No regrets, would do it all the same again.

I think I've opened myself to a better relationship as a result.

[saudade]

New to this forum and I am 19 weeks pregnant with #5. The relationship was ending when I got pregnant, and I refuse to stay in the WRONG relationship just because I'm pregnant. I struggled with keeping the pregnancy in the beginning because I've been a single mom of four for most of my time mothering and struggled so, so, so much over the years. This pregnancy was obviously not intended, but I'm okay with it now and looking forward to doing this again after almost 10 years since I had my youngest. (My kids are 16, 13, 10 and 9--first two have the same father and younger two have the same father)

So good to know I'm not alone!

[elevena true]

i am the mama to 3 sweet ones..... all with a different story, though i have parented them all alone until my weird current situation. my eldest was conceived out of naivety and wanderlust. my middle conceived in what (i thought then) was a loving devoted relationship.....apparently that was only on my end; he left while i was still pregnant, with his other kids whom i had been caring for for years. my third babe, oh gosh, the most complex situation of all. we were in a relationship, have known each other for years, since my eldest was brand new, planned to have a baby. baby conceived, and then i had a second trimester loss. daddy decides it was a good thing that it panned out that way, we opt to prevent pregnancy and then....i am pregnant again. he freaks out. in a terrible way. asks me to consider abortion, adoption, (really? after bleeding my other baby out and not being able to control it...i would opt to end this baby's life? or give it away? not that this isn't an important option to have available, but so incredibly inappropriate in this situation). whatever makes him not a daddy. like, a mid-life crisis freak out. it was ugly. i tell him i choose my baby over him, neither adoption or abortion are anywhere near my radar, he can bail though it is a sh*tbag move. he goes.

and after a pregnancy free of him, he starts calling again right around when sweet 3 was born. he moves back to my town when ds was 2 months old. and now he's here, half-assedly (i know, i made the word up) trying to be a dad? i am so confused as to how to move forward. i have so much love and heart invested in this little baby, and then there's papa, who is not bonded or invested but wants to parent together. this person is my friend, but i can't get over how deeply he tried to stop this life from being here. that really cut deep. AND.... i have never parented with another person, so this is brand new, rugged terrain. i love my freedom as a single mom. while it is nice to have a partner as in having someone to share troubles and laughter and truth with.....i've never had to make decisions together or compromise my values with another person.

i am not trying to derail the thread, just speaking up that i am another mama of multiples, and love my sweet little brood. the daddy drama will hopefully die off soon......either he will buck up and be a whole-hearted daddy, or step back and let me run my show. here's to hoping.

[elevena true]

oh, sorry, so i'm not pregnant again, but still felt i should chime in. :)

[jess in hawaii]

Hi elevena! OK, so you are not currently pg but it sounds like you have the single and shameless part . I encourage you to keep your strength and boundaries with ds papa. It's great if he wants to be involved, and maybe he regrets the things he said (who knows?) but if you can call the shots as much as possible and just let him play daddy, and be at peace with that, that's what I would do. Your situation is somewhat similar to mine, although in mine, we had known each other only a few years, casually, and it was a friendship fling, not a Relationship (big R). But the freak out, the suggestion of abortion/adoption (yeah, I already did adoption, I've 2nd tri miscarried, and abortion is not even a remote consideration), the choice that this baby's well being is more important than his happiness...

I was actually excited at the idea that I could have a baby and co-parent with a friend, too bad he is still in offense mode. But if you can make it work, more power to you. And if you can't, well you know it's no great loss, right?

[minnowmomma]

Just found this thread, and while i currently have only one at home, after i finish school i plan to have more and live my life the way I want. I have NO intention of getting into a relationship as i don't want to share my kids. My mom is going to be appalled ,but so what,I pay the cost to be the boss. I just wanted to chime in and say how awesome this thread is!

[jess in hawaii]

Sounds good minnowmomma! I wish I'd had the foresight to go it alone from the beginning. It's not that I ever thought I "needed" a man, I was fine without one, they were just always there, sort of... not enough to be useful, just enough to make life difficult, lol.

[quantumleap]

I'm not pregnant either, and the idea of having to give up the family I want (a house full of kids!) is a great part of what pushed me to stay with my "partner". I did eventually have a lightbulb moment though, and I *know* I will have more babies. I was really stuck in the idea that I needed to have a partner in order to have a child. I need to go back to school and/or establish myself in a career first, but I think I can manage another babe in 3-5 years, and hopefully another not too long after that. Even though my "partner" is a man, we had to use a donor to conceive our kids. We used a known donor, and he's open to donating again, even though I'll be single. My parents are going to lose their minds, but I refuse to feel that divorce is a punishment for a bad choice in partner and that I then have to give up everything I believe in or am passionate about as a result (homeschooling, flexible work schedule so I can primarily be at home with my kids, a big family, etc, etc). I don't know exactly how, but I DO know it's going to all work out. There's more to life than daycare and work. I'll be single and pregnant and unashamed too - in a few years. Until then, well, kudos to you all, and many, many wishes for a supportive created family around you.