Past due date? - Page 3 « Back to Group Discussions

[A-time-to-live]

So - I'm scheduled for an induction tomorrow.  I called my midwife to see if we could postpone for a day at which point I would be exactly 42 weeks according to my earliest u/s.  Unfortunately she's not working today so some women I've never even met is making the decision for me.  There are all of these "issues" that she has to look into first including whether there is an induction slot available on Wednesday.  Grrrr!  I'm a mess.  My daughter is sitting in front of the TV right now because I needed a cry break.  I need to get it together.  This is not a good state to labor and meet my new baby girl in!

[jbk21]

First, I would absolutely tell your mother that you can't host T-giving at your house. Period.  No way, no how.  You don't need to go buy a new table just to host people when you might not even be in a physical or emotional state to do so.  Just my thoughts, but I wouldn't let anyone push me into that situation.  No way.  

You might want to check into FMLA more- I'm not sure how it works exactly but my husband filed for his and from what I understand you aren't even eligible for FMLA (paid) until the baby is born.  SO basically this time before hand is just time off, and the day the babe is born you begin 6 weeks paid.  WOrth checking into, especially if it will help you stress less :-)  Also, my husband got faulty info on this with our first child, so be sure to speak to someone WELL VERSED in FMLA leaves.  Not just a supervisor, but an HR person or something. 
 

Originally Posted by 2011mama 

I tried several times to get into "Birthing From Within" but I couldn't for some odd reason, but I do like this concept of paper tigers. I have often wondered if I'm doing something to hold labor back to be honest. First it was that the house wasn't "ready" but then I realized that doesn't really matter and then I think I got scared of the pain and now I'm back to the house not being ready. It is so silly. I want to cosleep anyway and I'm worried how the baby's room isn't decorated yet. Um, who cares? I have this urge to have everything perfect and when it's not perfect I can't deal. Some perfectionist issues, eh? Also the closer we get to Thanksgiving the more stressed I get about that. I basically asked my mom to please host this year (normally we go to my sister's who is 2 hours away) and I said as long as the baby was at least a week by Thanksgiving I'd come to her house and otherwise, could she just bring me and DH a plate. My mom is great that way and agreed but then the whole family started saying they'd just bring the whole meal here. The thought has me in a panic. Our table seats FOUR. Um, so now I keep saying to DH we have to get a dining room set but we really don't have the money designated for that! So I think in a way I'm holding back til I can get a table although if the baby got here NOW I could just go to my mom's and avoid the whole situation. Geez, I am a mess. But anyway, that whole paper tiger thing may or may not be true for me. I feel like the last few days (since the day after my due date really, so Thursday on) I've wanted the baby OUT more than still IN so I'm not sure how true it really is for me... Also, I've been out on leave for almost 5 weeks already so I feel pressure to have the baby from that. I'm cutting into my FMLA big time. The thought was if I went out four weeks before I'd have up to two weeks to go "late" and then six weeks with the baby, but if I go more than two weeks late that is cutting into my six weeks with the baby. I'm honestly not quite sure how that will work. I do get another 12 weeks on top of that "bonding time" (from the state of NJ, NJFLA) but that is all unpaid and I really don't know what happens if I go past 42 weeks. The period starting 4 weeks before my due date and the period starting 6 weeks from the birth are paid while on FMLA. If FMLA runs out before the 6 weeks is up I have no idea how that works.

My mom did have her last 23 days past her due date...BUT she had no prenatal care, basically had a UC, and could have been way off on her dates. That did result in her largest baby though (over 11 pounds) so we do think she was overdue but whether or not she was truly "23 days overdue" we'll never know. That "baby" is my youngest sister who was a completely normal weight her whole life so we do think she cooked a bit extra.

Oy, lots of cramping and back aches today...we'll see if it's day 3 of getting my hopes up and then nothing...

[birdhappy85]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jbk21 

You might want to check into FMLA more- I'm not sure how it works exactly but my husband filed for his and from what I understand you aren't even eligible for FMLA (paid) until the baby is born.  SO basically this time before hand is just time off, and the day the babe is born you begin 6 weeks paid.  Worth checking into, especially if it will help you stress less :-)  Also, my husband got faulty info on this with our first child, so be sure to speak to someone WELL VERSED in FMLA leaves.  Not just a supervisor, but an HR person or something. 

I wish this were true, as I thought that to be the case too. But I used up all of my FMLA leave before my baby is even born. All 12 weeks of it. Lost the protection of my job after that. The company is doing me a favor and allowing me a longer unpaid leave of absence at this point. A person's 6 weeks paid is paid out through a company's private third-party insurance company (not FMLA), if they have the option and an employee is eligible, as far as I know. It's stupid that women have to apply for short-term disability in order to get 6 weeks paid time off for a birth, but that's how it works here in the US apparently.

[2011mama]

A-time-to-live, big ((((hugs))))!

jbk, nope, I'm definitely on FMLA right now. I'm out on "disability" due to blood pressure issues. And FMLA is not just for maternity leave. The 'f' is for family but the 'm' is for medical. When the FMLA runs out and I go on NJFLA, that is for family leave only. You can't go out on the FLA for your own medical condition but only to take care of a family member. I just worry if I go past 42 weeks I will run out of FMLA and technically I'll still be "disabled" til baby is 6 weeks old but if I use more than 6 weeks before baby is born that will cut into my 6 weeks after. I have spoken with so many HR people as well as the insurance company handling my disability case. It was very confusing but I finally have a good handle on it; finding out though that my midwife would let me go past 42 weeks though threw a monkey wrench into that because I thought there was no way I'd eat into my 6 weeks after what with 4 weeks before due date + up to 2 weeks after due date + 6 weeks after birth = 12 weeks total FMLA. My company is very generous. The company I worked before would have only paid 6 weeks after the birth at 60% and nothing else. This one is so great.

As for Thanksgiving, yeah, I said no, I was not hosting but my SIL and even DH were all like, "You won't have to do anything, don't worry." My mom said she'd bring the turkey over and put it in the oven and everyone else was saying how they'd do this and that. I don't care. If people are coming into my house I'll feel like I have to clean toilets, etc. and I just don't feel like I should (esp. at this point because I'll have a 10-day-old or less baby). I will wait til it gets closer but yeah, I really don't want company and the fact we didn't even order the table yet will certainly make a difference. We'd have at least seven people here counting me and DH and a table for four is not going to cut it. They also were saying how that baby would be held all day and I thought, "Yeah, by me." I was telling another friend how family was already acting like they were holding the baby and I said I was holding it and she raised her eyebrows at me and said she thought I'd have a battle on my hands. Oh, well. My baby. If I want to hold it all day long everyone just has to deal with that. My baby is not a toy to be passed around. I'm not saying I'll never let anyone hold it but I certainly am not going to let people just take the baby from me because it's their "turn."

[birdhappy85]

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2011mama 

They also were saying how that baby would be held all day and I thought, "Yeah, by me." I was telling another friend how family was already acting like they were holding the baby and I said I was holding it and she raised her eyebrows at me and said she thought I'd have a battle on my hands. Oh, well. My baby. If I want to hold it all day long everyone just has to deal with that. My baby is not a toy to be passed around. I'm not saying I'll never let anyone hold it but I certainly am not going to let people just take the baby from me because it's their "turn."

Amen!!! I'm right there with you. I've already had a struggle with family members over this concept and my baby hasn't even arrived yet! We've got to be strong and stick up for ourselves and say NO to people if we just want to be holding our newborns 99% of the time ourselves. I hate that whole "sense of entitlement" that family seems to have, especially with the holidays approaching. Sure, when my baby is a few months old I'm sure I'll be passing her around a lot more, but don't even dare try taking my 1-week old newborn out of my arms for more than a minute or two! Heck, I'm sure I'll be feeling the same way around Christmastime even. I want to hold my infant. That's all there is to it.

I hope you can avoid the negativity from family over that whole issue and that your wishes are respected!

[jbk21]

Originally Posted by birdhappy85 

Quote:

I wish this were true, as I thought that to be the case too. But I used up all of my FMLA leave before my baby is even born. All 12 weeks of it. Lost the protection of my job after that. The company is doing me a favor and allowing me a longer unpaid leave of absence at this point. A person's 6 weeks paid is paid out through a company's private third-party insurance company (not FMLA), if they have the option and an employee is eligible, as far as I know. It's stupid that women have to apply for short-term disability in order to get 6 weeks paid time off for a birth, but that's how it works here in the US apparently.

Originally Posted by 2011mama 

A-time-to-live, big ((((hugs))))!

jbk, nope, I'm definitely on FMLA right now. I'm out on "disability" due to blood pressure issues. And FMLA is not just for maternity leave. The 'f' is for family but the 'm' is for medical. When the FMLA runs out and I go on NJFLA, that is for family leave only. You can't go out on the FLA for your own medical condition but only to take care of a family member. I just worry if I go past 42 weeks I will run out of FMLA and technically I'll still be "disabled" til baby is 6 weeks old but if I use more than 6 weeks before baby is born that will cut into my 6 weeks after. I have spoken with so many HR people as well as the insurance company handling my disability case. It was very confusing but I finally have a good handle on it; finding out though that my midwife would let me go past 42 weeks though threw a monkey wrench into that because I thought there was no way I'd eat into my 6 weeks after what with 4 weeks before due date + up to 2 weeks after due date + 6 weeks after birth = 12 weeks total FMLA. My company is very generous. The company I worked before would have only paid 6 weeks after the birth at 60% and nothing else. This one is so great.

As for Thanksgiving, yeah, I said no, I was not hosting but my SIL and even DH were all like, "You won't have to do anything, don't worry." My mom said she'd bring the turkey over and put it in the oven and everyone else was saying how they'd do this and that. I don't care. If people are coming into my house I'll feel like I have to clean toilets, etc. and I just don't feel like I should (esp. at this point because I'll have a 10-day-old or less baby). I will wait til it gets closer but yeah, I really don't want company and the fact we didn't even order the table yet will certainly make a difference. We'd have at least seven people here counting me and DH and a table for four is not going to cut it. They also were saying how that baby would be held all day and I thought, "Yeah, by me." I was telling another friend how family was already acting like they were holding the baby and I said I was holding it and she raised her eyebrows at me and said she thought I'd have a battle on my hands. Oh, well. My baby. If I want to hold it all day long everyone just has to deal with that. My baby is not a toy to be passed around. I'm not saying I'll never let anyone hold it but I certainly am not going to let people just take the baby from me because it's their "turn."

That sucks- my husband's company told him that he can just leave work the day I have the baby (or his leave will start that day if he is off) and he can take up to twelve weeks (unpaid, since it's paternity) anytime in the first year of the child's life.  This was different from the last time we did this in that they wanted him to schedule the two weeks that he wanted off, and once it was scheduled he couldn't change it- thus he ended up being off for 11 days up to the birth then only 3 days after.  The resource persons he spoke to this time said that they shouldn't have made him do that last time and it would have been reason enough to sue.  Maybe it's different for paternity leave?  He's not getting PAID leave, so perhaps that is why it's different.  His job is protected though.  I know it's Family and Medical leave, but since he is asking for paternity leave they said it starts when baby is born, but if there were some emergency or reason why he would have to stop working to take care of me prior to the birth that it could be covered as well.  I don't know- it's all rather confusing but it does seem really awful that mothers wouldn't be covered/protected after the baby is born, even if unpaid.  Our American system sucks, that's all I know 

Re: holidays yeah I hate the pass the baby game. People don't get it, either.  It's like they think they're doing a favor by holding the baby for you.  I can't wait to have baby slinged to me all the time.    
 

[2011mama]

jbk - yep, another mom in my home birth prep class said with her older son she kept him in a Moby and no one really asked to hold him because he was so snug in there! While I don't think that would deter my family I'm still planning to get one. I'll let my mom hold the baby but if my SIL thinks it's going to be hers to take whenever she wants, she'll quickly realize...ha ha!

From what I understand FMLA can be used over the course of a year so it sounds like your DH was told the wrong thing last time. A coworker friend of mine was on FMLA to take care of her father who was dying of cancer and she was able to use it even in increments of a chunk of hours. She would leave work at lunch and use the afternoon as FMLA, or she could take a day or a week at a time. And she could do this with pretty much no notice; her dad would call and she'd tell her manager and go if it was urgent. FMLA is really just a job protection. In order to be paid you have to use it in conjunction with paid disability or some type of paid time off from your company (vacation, sick, personal, bank time, whatever that particular company calls it). For paternity leave I think it would be great to use it in increments. If it's the mother, yeah, she's going to want those 6 or more weeks to be home in a row, but a father doesn't necessarily have to be home the whole time and it's nice he can take a week here or there later in the year. DH's friend took his paternity leave (four weeks) after his wife went back to work at 12 weeks so that their baby didn't have to go to daycare til she was 16 weeks old. It was nice they could stagger it. Unfortunately, my DH is a consultant, not an employee, plus he hasn't been with his company for even six months yet so he has no protection, but they are working with him and are going to let him work from home for a week or two so he can be here with the baby and me but not give up pay and not be there to get the job done. He'll probably take a few days truly "off" and then will plug in for a bit. Anyway, getting back to your husband I don't see why he'd have to say ahead of time when he's going out. That is so silly. And yes, if something were to happen to you ahead of time that you needed his help because you were "disabled" (i.e. on bedrest) he should be able to take FMLA starting then. It is to take care of a sick family member or a newborn child among other things...

[2011mama]

I think my baby has some burning knives inside there and is using them to carve up the inside of my uterus. Wow, this is worse than any cramps I've ever had! Day 4 of these fun babies! I only hope this means that my cervix is almost ready!

I'm going for acupressure today in about 2 hours and then I'm going to call to set up NST for probably tomorrow (if I'm still not in labor that is)...

Since I've been having cramps since Saturday it makes me realize that my body most likely wasn't even near ready at my due date or on 11/11...I guess I feel better knowing that I'm letting my body do its thing... I felt like I was SO CLOSE to having an 11/11 baby but really I wasn't. Each day that passes makes me realize it just wasn't meant to be. I was very upset I missed it but am now moving past that!

[Krystal323]

Yea, I'm also coming to grips with the likelihood that 11/11 was really "just" my due date, and I should have been expecting to go past it...perhaps even a lot past it.  

My littlest turns two tomorrow, and I feel like I've been having that "calm before the storm" for the last few days.  Le sigh.  I'm contracting now, but I'm persistently ignoring it, lol.  

All bets are off--it'll be sometime between now and December--UGH!  

[A-time-to-live]

Time has totally gotten away from me!  I was hoping for an 11/1/11 baby and used to laugh when people suggested she might wait until 11/11/11.  I wasn't even thinking about how close Thanksgiving was until you all started talking about it!  We were supposed to have at least 3 weeks with the baby before my in-laws arrived.  Fortunately my husband told me yesterday that they were all very understanding and were prepared to cancel their trips if that's what we would prefer.  

Also fortunately - Baby has decided that she doesn't want to be induced!!!  :-)  I did manage to get my induction pushed up until tomorrow morning but I had an NST and visit with my midwife this morning just to make sure everything looks ok.  Now I am leaking amniotic fluid and having more regular/intense contractions.  Yea! 

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by A-time-to-live 

Also fortunately - Baby has decided that she doesn't want to be induced!!!  :-)  I did manage to get my induction pushed up until tomorrow morning but I had an NST and visit with my midwife this morning just to make sure everything looks ok.  Now I am leaking amniotic fluid and having more regular/intense contractions.  Yea! 

Yay!!!!!  Peaceful labor vibes to you!!!

[xakana]

Sorry I took so long to get back--no, an NST is NOT an ultrasound. That's a biophysical profile, which I do on Thursday if I haven't had the baby. An NST is being hooked up to a doppler, basically, which charts your baby's heartrate and your contractions until baby has 3 accelerations (basically, checking to make sure baby's not in a coma or distress). From facebook yesterday, since I'm so tired from constant night contracting (and almost nothing in the day yesterday was a WELCOME BREAK):

I love midwifery care. I'm never going back to an OB ;) And can I say how much fun it is to come up with a new idea? The NST was going the usual, super-boring, baby won't have an acceleration route. I had eaten before we left (cereal!), we tried juice, we tried water, poking/prodding, talking, shifting position--nada. I was watching her major breathing movements and how she shifted and started rocking side to side and commented that she was a dancer. So I asked if we should try music, since that's the only thing I could think of that excites her. The moment I turned on my music (Decode by Paramore if you're curious), her heart rate jumped. When I started singing, we got our accelerations. Now we know--with this baby, to get her attention: Music. And we learned a new option for getting babies wiggly for the NST (she was totally visibly dancing to the music in there).

I went 42 weeks with my first and I'm 41+3 with this one. My midwife just does the NSTs and BPP and I'll go as long as it takes baby to be ready, be it 42, 43 or 45 weeks. I SERIOUSLY doubt it will be more than 42 weeks. I'm not particularly antsy--I've been here before. I'm just sore and would like a break from being sore.

[2011mama]

Thanks for explaining, xakana. That's very interesting because I emailed my midwife today just to say I'm starting to wig out a little as 41 weeks approaches (tomorrow) and she told me to call and schedule an NST. So I did call and when they called back they referred to it as a biophysical profile, but those are two different things, huh? Interesting! I wound up not being able to schedule one anyway as they can't get me into the only office that is convenient for me until next Tuesday so at this point I said I'd wait and see how things were on Friday and if I'm still pregnant Friday I'll call to schedule for Tuesday (they are closed the weekend and Monday). There is a good chance I'll have already had the baby by Tuesday.

Aww, Krystal, I know how you feel!

A-time-to-live - yay!

[Motivated Mama]

An NST is part of a biophysical profile. They do the ultrasound where you can score up to 8 points and the NST for a total of 10 points.

[2011mama]

Nina - thanks!

[xakana]

Originally Posted by Motivated Mama 

An NST is part of a biophysical profile. They do the ultrasound where you can score up to 8 points and the NST for a total of 10 points.

Depends on where you go. My NSTs are with my midwife at her birth center. The BPP (which will not include an NST) will be at an ultrasound imaging place. I never had a BPP with my first daughter, though I had NSTs twice a week.

[KeanusMomma]

That is interesting that you mention the birthing from within stuff. I haven't read it but have just had a strong feeling that baby won't come out if I have any unfinished business. But I thought I had everything tied up and ready to go for Sunday. Nothing happened. And now I am no longer patient. All the unknowns are up in the air and really starting to get to me. My first was 41 eeeks exactly, I believe, so I thought for sure this one would be sooner.

My nst was Monday and everything was fine. It was at the birthing center w mw, where I always go for checkups. 2 monitors were strapped to me, and they looked at a printout to see how baby was responding to ctx. Thurs I have another, then Friday they'll schedule a bio physical profile, which means i'll go elsewhere for someone to give me an u/s and make sure amniotic fluid, placenta, baby size, etc is all good. I have not had u/s with this baby, and that's the only reason why I don't know the sex, so I am thinking I may want to find out if I get that bpp.

[mrsrayray]

I'll be 41 weeks tomorrow, but my last 2 babies were born at 43w 2d and 43w. So... I guess I have 2 more weeks to go. :P Even though I knew I have looong pregnancies, I still hoped that this would be different because he's my first boy. :P Phooey. I actually wouldn't mind too much but my midwife (homebirth) has me seeing a backup doctor so every week I go "overdue" I have to have another $100 appointment with the doc. :( Kind of feels like I'm being fined for each week I go over..

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by mrsrayray 

I actually wouldn't mind too much but my midwife (homebirth) has me seeing a backup doctor so every week I go "overdue" I have to have another $100 appointment with the doc. :( Kind of feels like I'm being fined for each week I go over..

Like you're paying overdue fines!    But, seriously that sucks... why so much for an appointment?
 

[Krystal323]

Originally Posted by Jaimee 

Like you're paying overdue fines!    But, seriously that sucks... why so much for an appointment?
 

OMG, ROFLMAO!!  I had to pay OOP for hundred-dollar stress tests to not risk out of homebirth last time, and It totally felt like that!  I actually had one scheduled for the same day that he was born on, and I was so relieved I didn't have to pay for it!