my ds 7 has challenged me to the point where i have no idea what to do and i have found no resource truly helpful.
he has a 4 yo brother and 1 yo sister. we are having MAJOR issues of bad attitude, wanting to be in charge and in control of EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE, being violent with younger brother (snatching toys, demanding that he share with him but not doing the same in return, demanding that he play with him or leave him alone, smacking, kicking, yelling, etc....whenever he wants his own way in a situation).
we homeschool, but oldest plays baseball and is in scouts and we participate in a co-op. he doesn't treat any other children this way - just his brother.
i've read every book you can imagine about this.
i've heard all kinds of people say "i don't tolerate _____ behavior in my kids", but i never hear any concrete advice on what they do if their kids exhibit that behavior.
time out type stuff REALLY escalates the situation. he goes from angry to furious and basically won't comply. i think we'd probably have to get physical with him to get him to go along with this.
talking about stuff either causes him to shut down, talk beligerantly, or fight back tears and act like nothing is wrong???!?!?!!
he keeps saying things like "i'll be nice to Noah if you stop being mad about it". i don't know what he's trying to convey here. i've tried communicating how we express emotion and that i get sad and angry when he hurts his brother but that i never stop loving him.
i don't know ....i just feel like i've talked til i'm blue in the face and it's just.not.working.
not to mention the fact that he never wants to do school and gives me huge attitude about it every.single.time. and says things like "why doesn't Noah have to?" i explain Noah's abilities and the requirements of him as a 4 yo but that makes no difference. it's like he's got this HUGE issue with fairness and control and i just don't know how to help him.
last night, dh said, anytime there is an offense (e.g. he hits his brother), we need to take away a bag of legos (his prized possession) til he's lost them all. i said ok, what about when noah wants to play legos? and how is it helping get to the root of the problem by taking away a toy? is that going about it the right way or not? i am so lost and desperate for help.
if you've read all of this thank you. if you can offer me any tips, i would be so grateful!