Looking for a good comeback

[adoremybabe]

Let's face it, it's the norm to find out the sex of our babies before they are born. Then there are those of us who like to wait. My typical answer when asked is, "We are having a human baby." I'm tired of that answer so I'm looking for a few clever fun retorts.

[RosieL]

Is it okay when you're asked "Are you planning to find out the gender early?"

[adoremybabe]

I think that most people think that it's perfectly okay to ask. To me, it's a personal question. Then when the "askers" think I am crazy for not finding out and letting me know how silly it is.... that is a bit offensive.

[Just1More]

I just let it roll off.  I just smile and say, "We don't know."  Or, "We'll find out in April!" Or whatever.  When they express shock, "You aren't finding out?!?!"  I just smile again and say, "We never do."

A comeback though...a little snark.  You could say, "I don't do u/s, so maybe puppies?" 

[sarahlynne]

Yeah, sometimes I say "well I've never had an ultrasound, so..." but sometimes I just say "no, we aren't finding out early".  I think a lot of the time it is the only thing that people can think to say and they are probably figuring that it is a "safe" question since many people do find out. 

You could say " we are having a BOY...  OR a GIRL"  or  "hopefully it's a baby"   or are you finding out the sex? "Yes... we should know in about 4 more months(or how ever many months)."   

This is just one of many opinions people like to share with pregnant women, sometime I wish I had a comeback when something takes me by suprise, but I try to chalk it up to good intentions or possibly ignorance, and it makes it easier to deal with.   

[emmaegbert]

I think people just want to ask something... I have even asked the question of other moms despite not finding out myself (though I might ask it more in the context of discussing whether or not they are having an U/S...). I usually say, 'just one!' or, 'a person' or something like that. people are often surprised but kind of charmed that we decided not to find out early (and I don't generally volunteer that we didn't do much prenatal testing unless its an actual real convo about pregnancy, birth, etc).

[Mummoth]

When someone asks "What are you having?" I usually come back with "A surprise!" That way at least I'm making it obvious that I' happy that I don't know the sex... I think it cuts down on the negative responses. Though I have had a few of those, too. 

[eireann]

If feeling irritable, and someone asks what youre having, you could say "a fit" or "a cow" or look around confused and go "what are you talking about?"

When people acted shocked that we didn't find out, I'd ask them "Do you fast forward to the end of the movie before watching the whole thing? i don't"

Its one of lifes last few surprises for us.

[Adaline'sMama]

With DD we never found out and I always responded, "It' a surprise!" and sometimes they would ask if we arent finding out, but usually they would just not say anything else.

[ASusan]

Not the most polite comeback, but when I was having a garage sale, a newly pregnant woman was looking over a (blue) bucket carseat. "But I don't know what I'm having," she lamented, indicating that she'd love to buy the carseat, stroller, high chair. "Well, you're not having a hamster," I said.

(The baby items were all originally purchased for a girl, but were all blue or black.)

We're not finding out the sex, and I usually just say, "Nope, we're not finding out. Drives SIL nuts because she doesn't know what to buy!"

[hildare]

if someone asks if we know the sex, i say:

how do you think it got in there???? 

otherwise, "it's a surprise" is a fine answer.  even if you know, it will be a surprise for that person if you aren't telling.

[calapitters]

Originally Posted by hildare 

if someone asks if we know the sex, i say:

how do you think it got in there???? 

[sweetpea_119]

My tried & trues are:

Is it a boy or a girl? Yes.

What are you a having? A baby. (Said with a duh tone & a mock surprised look at such a silly question.)

It drives me crazy that no one is allowed to be surprised by their baby's gender anymore!

[southernfriedkarma]

I am 20 weeks now, so the question so far has been, "when are you finding out what you're having?"  We've been responding with "when baby tells us," and people have mostly been satisfied with that answer.  

Now that we could have found out the sex via ultrasound, people are starting to get more forceful with their questions and opinions.  My dear sister is especially worried that she won't know what kind of shoes to buy our baby.    I am running out of patience for witty comebacks, though, and am more likely to just tell people that we aren't finding out because we don't want the baby to be born into more gender baggage than necessary.  Whoops!

[craft_media_hero]

A big question mark!

I just say we are waiting to meet our little one, but I agree thst it can be annoying. When trying to open up coversations with pg mamas, it can be an uce breaker which I too have used, but I say, are you finding out? That way there is normalcy in not finding out, too, tho O would say 99% of the families I talk to want to know the gender, which is what can make it frustrating for parents that want to meet their child and learn then.

[cameragirl]

Since we already have a girl and are having a boy this time, people think is just dandy to tell me it is time to close up shop. We're done, according to them. Kind of a personal choice, no?

For the rude people, I often just stare at them. After a few seconds of me looking at them blank-faced, they get anxious and stammer out an apology or change the subject.

[Just1More]

After my first two (a girl, then a boy), I would reply, "No, now we have a boy room and a girl room.  We're just going to keep piling them in."  :wink

 

Originally Posted by cameragirl 

Since we already have a girl and are having a boy this time, people think is just dandy to tell me it is time to close up shop. We're done, according to them. Kind of a personal choice, no?
For the rude people, I often just stare at them. After a few seconds of me looking at them blank-faced, they get anxious and stammer out an apology or change the subject.

[MrsSlocombe]

I don't think it's an offensively-intended question requiring a comeback.  Some people are socially awkward and/or desperate for conversation topics, and they figure that your upcoming baby is something you'd be excited to talk about.  Yes, though, it's definitely offensive for someone to criticize this perfectly fine and legitimate decision.  It harms the baby not one whit for you to decline to learn the gender, and in fact, this decision helps ward off tacky princess-themed gear at the shower if your baby is a girl.  (We haven't decided if we want to find out yet or not, but if we do, we won't be telling anyone, for just this reason.)

I think what you may need is a generic answer that suits many nosy questions and comments, because they just become more numerous after the baby is born.  People will criticize you for what you do and don't let your child wear, what toys you do and don't get him/her, how strict or lenient you are with her/him at the playground, what you feed him/her, etc., etc.  You will probably look back on "Is it a boy or a girl?" with warm nostalgia when you get all this unsolicited advice later.

Some ideas, in response to increasingly rude/nosy comments and questions:

"Thank you for caring."/"Thank you for being concerned."

"We have our own ways and reasons."

"Thanks, but I function better without unsolicited advice."

"Hold that thought.  When I need your advice, I'll ask."

It is not comeback or one-liner oriented, but a book that has helped me is Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg.  Another good one is Did You Say Something, Susan? by Paulette Dale.  Although they are coming from different angles, they work really well together, as nonviolence and assertiveness can, in fact, coexist beautifully.