Not sure where to put this - Mom issues and Birth

[MaryLang]

I just have to get  this out. I've been told since I was a little girl how horrible birth is, how it is almost unbearable for women to get through and how foolish it is for a woman to choose a natural birth. I am now in my 30's due with my 6th child, who will inevitably be born repeat c/s, my 6th one. And I still have these mommy issues,  and she still brings these things up. She was not surprised at all when after 3 days of labor with my first, first at home, going to my birth center and being transferred to a hospital that I ended up with a c/s. My baby got stuck in my pelvic bones, she was born with bruises across her forehead where I had been pushing her into the bone over and over, 2 1/2 hrs worth. "Midwives, ridiculous" she would say. Even though she had witnessed natural births of her friends, "Those women just don't have the right nerves there to feel the pain.". I  had a failed VBAC attempt with #2. And a hemorrhaging placenta previa with #3. And ever since I've been scheduled c/s. I always wish I could try VBAC again just to show her! But it's not in the cards. I already have issues dealing with the way my children are born and to be her "perfect example" is just a lot to hear from her. I love my mom, but I'm hoping to pass on much better information and encouragement to my daughters, I just wish they didn't have to know mommy births her baby's in the operating room. 

[CI Mama]

Your post brings up two good issues...how birth connects us back to our mothers, and how we pass something along to our daughters.

My "mother" issues are very different from yours, but I can fully relate to how giving birth brings that stuff into sharper focus. I am sorry that you haven't received the kind of support that you want from your mom. That's hard. I think all mother-daughter relationships (probably all parent-child relationships) are journeys of connection and separation, sometimes painfully so. Figuring out when to connect and share, when to set boundaries and let each other go her own way, is the work of a lifetime.

I share your difficulty in figuring out how to talk to my DD about her birth. I want her to learn about natural childbirth and to feel supported in having one, if she someday chooses to be a parent. I haven't talked to her much about the specifics of how she came into the world, though she has seen pictures of me holding her in the OR and in the recovery room. She's only 3, so I figure I have time to sort out what I want to tell her and how.

I'm hoping others respond to this thread with better insights!