14 mo not sleeping through night - what did you do?

[graciegal]

Since she turned 12 months, my DD has been waking up some time between 1-3am - she wakes up, immediately stands and starts wailing. We would take turns to get her back down but now she HATES my husband at night, if she sees him coming it's a disaster, which means now I have to put her down.

She used to sleep through previous to this, we had a 3-week intensive cry-it-out to get her to do that. But she cannot put herself back down to sleep, so it was more of a PU/PD cry-it-out combo.

Now that she is getting up again in the middle of the night, we go in and rock her back to sleep, but that takes 10-15 minutes and I am exhausted about it.

So, my question: Is this just a phase that she may soon get out of, so just keep putting up with it until then? or is she learning something here, and we need to go back to PU/PD cry-it-out to get her past it? We are both FT workers and I am also going to school, so we're in need of sleep like nothing else.

Thanks for your insight - she is our first so I have no idea if this is here to stay or just a few month phase.

-Grace

[MsDolphin]

Well, no real advice for you, but I can share that DS (14 months) normally wakes ups once a night around 1-2am, for a feeding that takes 10 - 20 minutes. I would guess he sleeps through the whole night 1-2 times a month. I can't wait until he starts sleeping through the night on a regular basis!

Is it possible your DD is experiencing night terrors? We have a handful of episodes I am sure were night terrors. Horrible to go through. What a read is it's believed to be brought on by lack of sleep, which did seem to be the case in DS's experiences.

[newmamalizzy]

No great advice for you, but I just wanted to mention that there's a lot of stuff that happens to 12 - 24 month olds to disrupt their sleep, so even if your LO used to sleep through, don't be surprised if that starts to change.  She's probably not going to be able to soothe herself back to sleep through molar pain, nightmares, separation anxiety, etc., even if she IS capable of soothing herself back to sleep during normal sleep cycle changes.  I think your best bet here would be to really start trying to get your DH back into the night scene so that you can give each other full nights of sleep even if your LO is not sleeping through.  For the record, my 19 month old has never ever slept through the night, so count yourself lucky :)

[sarahr]

When I nightweaned DS, we did it by having DH handle all the nightwakings. DS definitely did NOT like that change in routine and would scream for me for the first 10 minutes or so, before letting DH rock him to sleep. But it didn't feel like CIO to me because he was in no way abandoned -- he was in his loving daddy's arms, even if he would have preferred my arms (and my boobs!). After several nights of this, I guess he decided that it wasn't worth him waking up.

But 14 months might be too early. Although we tried several times, we weren't successful until closer to 16 or 17 months, and we still have nights where he wakes up and then is pissed when DH comes.

To answer your direct question -- she will grow out of it, but perhaps not soon enough for you. If you can't deal with the sleep interruptions, then do something to change it. If you can at all manage to provide what she wants at night, then that's fine too -- you're not committing yourself to that forever.

[LittleBirdy]

Just wanted to chime in that DS was STTN pretty regularly from 11 months to about 13 months?  And now he wakes up right around 2 a.m. probably 9 out of 10 nights.  I don't know if it's molars, or being scared, or cold, or language development or what.  We have a full sized bed in his room along with his crib, so I just lay down with him and he stops crying.  Sometimes I lay with him until he's deeply asleep and then put him back in his crib, but most nights I fall asleep in the bed with him.  This is such a far cry from the waking every 90 minutes before we nightweaned that I'm not too worried about it.  I know it will change eventually.

It made me really resentful when he first started doing it, but I found by just accepting it I somehow felt less tired?  Crazy but true.

[graciegal]

I want to help her back to sleep if I know I'm not making any patterns of behavior that she will do it "just because" which I dont want, but if she will start a routine of getting up and crying "just because" then I need to nip it in the bud, you know? The night before she was up 4 times and last night it was twice. 14 months of me not sleeping through the night is getting exhausting to go to work the next morning, you know? My poor husband is even worse as he gets up WAY earlier than I do (5am).

[MsDolphin]

Originally Posted by graciegal 

I want to help her back to sleep if I know I'm not making any patterns of behavior that she will do it "just because" which I dont want, but if she will start a routine of getting up and crying "just because" then I need to nip it in the bud, you know?

Our doctor recommended a stuffed animal or blanket for comfort. Originally I was opposed, I didn't want anything extra in DS crib. However we got him a stuffed animal (one of the those mini blankets with a stuffed animal head) that he loves. He only gets to have it in the crib or if he is upset. I do think it helps him when he semi-wakes up in the middle of the night. He cuddles it and it helps sooth him back to sleep.

I would say my DS went from getting up 3-4 times a night to 1-2 times a night since we got it. He still gets up, but not as much.

[newmamalizzy]

Originally Posted by graciegal 

I want to help her back to sleep if I know I'm not making any patterns of behavior that she will do it "just because" which I dont want, but if she will start a routine of getting up and crying "just because" then I need to nip it in the bud, you know? The night before she was up 4 times and last night it was twice. 14 months of me not sleeping through the night is getting exhausting to go to work the next morning, you know? My poor husband is even worse as he gets up WAY earlier than I do (5am).

Guess it's hard to know whether or not the "just because" thing will happen, but I find with my daughter that her sleep problems solve themselves more easily if I totally cater to what she needs.  Lately, for instance, she went through a thing where she didn't want me to put her in bed to fall asleep on her own.  I tried lying close to her, patting her back, etc., but it just didn't help much; it wasn't what she wanted from me.  Then I switched to snuggling with her, giving her lots of kisses and softly singing.  She fell right to sleep, and after doing it a few times, she's right back to falling asleep the way she used to.  So kind of the opposite of what you're afraid of. 

[lizsky]

I don't know if this will be helpful or not, but the main thing that has helped me deal with DD's nighttime wakings and my fatigue has been to try to come to peace about it, whether the actual wakings improve or not.  

Our backstory: My DD was up every 1-2 hours until age 10 months, still waking 2-3 times a night until 14 months, and finally slept through for the 1st time at age 15 months. It still isn't consistent though (she is now 20 months and she currently sleeps through maybe 2 or 3 nights out of 7), and didn't happen at all for a 6 week stretch when she was about 18 months when her canine teeth were all coming in.  And when my daughter wakes, it usually takes 1 hour or more to rock her back down.

Honestly, the biggest thing that has helped me has not been to try to "solve" my DDs wakings, but rather to find my own inner peace with the situation.  Its hard to be tired, and I'm finding it even harder now, as I'm pregnant with #2.  But I found it felt worse when I was comparing myself and my daughter to other families.  Its really hard not to be jealous when I see other families with babies who sleep so well.  And it can be even harder when everyone seems to have "the perfect solution" and showers me with advice that doesn't actually work for my particular family.  When I finally started to shut out all the sleep advice and just reminded myself that we were on our own path and it wouldn't necessarily look like anyone else's I started to feel a lot calmer.  I don't think I realized just how much the stress of comparisons was getting to me.

I do think that DD's language acquisition is helping a little.  She can sometimes articulate what it is she wants, and she can understand our replies.  If she wants a hug or a blanket, we can help with that.  If she wants to go downstairs and play with her toys we can explain "toys go night-night and its time for YOU to go night-night too."  

And lastly, it helps me to take a deep breath and remind myself of all the things I love about my daughter when I'm feeling resentful about my lost sleep.  It is hard to be chronically sleep-deprived, but I'm trying to remind myself that it won't be like this forever, she won't be little forever, and someday I'm going to really miss rocking her, and kissing her chubby toddler cheeks.  

Again, I'm not sure if this is even remotely helpful...I just wanted to let you know that other mamas here understand the sleep deprivation and wanted to share what has been helping me.  

[baltmom]

I just wanted to echo lizsky's comments and thank her for them. Amen sister!

[LittleBirdy]

Just wanted to post a little update -

I looked up the dosage of infant ibuprofen and realized I had been under dosing DS.  We are now giving him the appropriate dosage and he's slept through the night every night.  I can see his molars erupting - his gums are all swollen.  So it appears he was just in pain from the teeth, poor guy!

[newmamalizzy]

Originally Posted by LittleBirdy 

Just wanted to post a little update -

I looked up the dosage of infant ibuprofen and realized I had been under dosing DS.  We are now giving him the appropriate dosage and he's slept through the night every night.  I can see his molars erupting - his gums are all swollen.  So it appears he was just in pain from the teeth, poor guy!

This happened to us, too!  They grow too fast to keep up with the doses.

[graciegal]

How do you figure out if it's teething pain or not? It seems so hard when they cannot say anything.

[andromedajulie]

There are many nights we don't know what it is... often if it's teeth, like now we have canines coming in, we see the swollenness, the tooth near the edge, the chewing and drooling. Other times, it's a crap shoot as to whether it's pain or what. As time goes on we get more of a sense of the sound of the pain cry. My LO is turning 16 mo and has never once slept through the night. Currently we are pretty sure that in addition to teeth, she is in a big cognitive developmental stage, I think related to language. She seriously seems unable to turn off her brain, wakes up the night yelling out words, laughing, stuff.

PS: mamas, I don't feel so much resentful of my lost sleep, it's that I feel psychotic b/c of it. And also, that I parent my other child poorly because of it :(

[slgt]

Originally Posted by lizsky 

I don't know if this will be helpful or not, but the main thing that has helped me deal with DD's nighttime wakings and my fatigue has been to try to come to peace about it, whether the actual wakings improve or not. 

For what it's worth, I take the same approach. These early years are full of SO many changes for these kids. They are learning things, figuring things out, processing, growing, developing, cutting teeth (and I don't use the word "cutting" lightly!), and generally working hard in their bodies & brains. Think about how your sleep is affected when you are learning something new, or under a lot of stress...have you ever dreamed about a new skill? Or tossed & turned because you can't shut your brain down? I figure the same more-or-less applies to wee kiddos.

I've taken this same "make my peace with it" approach, especially with DD#2. When it comes to sleep, (for most kids) I don't believe there is a lot we can do besides gentle coaching that the child is loved, safe, and not alone. Best of luck - lots of deep breaths. Sometimes these phases last a week, sometimes they last for a month!