STEPMOTHER THAT IS FED UP WITH BEING USED!!!!!

[QUEENEARTHSTAR1]

I have a question about personal responsibility. My childs father has a son from a previous relationship. He stays at our home 5 days a week ( this started when I had my son a year ago). My fiance is unemployed so I buy his school uniforms,clothes,toys,shoes,etc. This past Sunday I brought him a jacket. Tuesday his sons mother asked him for money. He said be had none. Later he offered her $25 of my money without asking me. I am on a tight budget with no room for personal items for myself. I need shoes for work and I cant afford to buy them.I have 2 children from another relationship where I get minimal help as well in addition to the child we hav.I dont feel that he should have given her anything and I feel resentment towards him, his sons mother and the child because my needs are often put on the back burner, and he should have had some balls to tell her no. Can I get some feedback. Its been times when he has promised her money and even when it was our last he still gave it.

[Adaline'sMama]

So, is he a SAHD to your kids and his kid? Is he watching the child you have together all day long? What does she need the money for?

Quite honestly, you knew this guy had a kid when you got involved with him, right? The ex and her kid are part of the package.

[rainbow_mandala]

He should have asked you first; it sounds like you're being used.  He's taking advantage of your niceness and your generosity with his son, when the child is really his responsibility and the mother's.  You love him, he's practically your step son, but since you're the one who's bringing home the bacon, you're the one that gets to set the boundaries here.  You're not married yet, so clearly your fiance is stepping over boundaries because he thinks he can.  You need to stand up for yourself and let him know what you told us: that you get minimal help, you have three other children to take care of, you don't feel he should have given her anything, and your pissed off about being disrespected.  If you're not clear about your boundaries, he won't take them seriously, either.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by QUEENEARTHSTAR1 

My fiance is unemployed so I buy his school uniforms,clothes,toys,shoes,etc. This past Sunday I brought him a jacket. Tuesday his sons mother asked him for money. He said be had none. Later he offered her $25 of my money without asking me.

I'm having a little trouble following your pronouns -- do you mean you buy your DSS's things for him (including a new jacket)? Who did the child's mother ask for money -- your DSS, or your finance? Who offered this woman $25? 

If your fiance is offering his ex your money, then it's time to end the relationship with him. He's just showing you the future. You get to support yourself, your kids, him, his kid, and his ex.

Everybody has some baggage, but that's too much baggage.

[tropicana]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 

So, is he a SAHD to your kids and his kid? Is he watching the child you have together all day long? What does she need the money for?
Quite honestly, you knew this guy had a kid when you got involved with him, right? The ex and her kid are part of the package.

a SAHD, or unemployed and not really looking? there is a HUGE difference.

just b/c she got involved with a man who has a child (and an ex) does NOT make the child and the ex her responsibility.

i agree with the PP who stated that you are seeing your future if you stay together.

now, here's another way to look at it -- if you split up, where will he get the money to help support your child with him?

[nextcommercial]

I would be very angry.  It's not the child, or his mother that are using you, but your BF that's using you.  

As long as he's looking for work, or doing everything he can to make money for his family, I'd give him some slack....but, if he's not even trying to make money, I would be livid and feel very unappreciated.  

I have a friend who has been out of work for over a year.  He works HARD at bringing in as much money as he can.  He is willing to do anything anybody needs.  He's cleaned the play equipment at Mcdonalds.  He's put gas grills together, installed toilets...anything.  He was a highly paid professional, but he's not too proud to do whatever it takes to buy his kids school clothes until he finds a full time job.

If he's truly trying, I'd just be mad, and then let it go.  He probably feels a sense of responsibility towards his ex, and maybe she made it sound desperate.