Dear Go Blue:
What a great question! I like to adapt the 8 ideals of attachment parenting older children as below:
1. Prepare - Understand and seek out information on development. Know the social, cognitive and physical limitations of your child at each stage of parenting. Learn about how the brain develops.
2. Feed - Avoid power struggles at meal times. Understand the feeding relationship and the different roles of parents and children.
3. Respond - Avoid ignoring your child even when you are feeling angry. She needs hugs and attention in times of distress just as she did as a baby. Learn empathic listening skills which are more required the older your child gets.
4. Touch - Keep up loving touch - hugs, cuddles, holding hands.
5. Sleep - Continue family bedrooms even in the school-age years if it works for all family members. Problem-solve bedtime issues.
6. Consistent and loving care - Aim for consistency at least 70% of the time. We are human and not 100% perfect!
7. Positive Discipline - Use distraction, modelling and problem-solving. Have family meetings more as your child gets older. Avoid "punishment-lite" methods such as time-out, grounding, and taking things away. Resolve conflicts respectfully as you would with any other person.
8. Self-Care - find time to meet your varied needs. You are important too!
In your specific case, your preschooler still needs a lot of you and if you can give it to her, she will become more secure as she grows. Preschoolers are still very young. Try to find ways to meet your needs with her around if possible. This is a stage that won't last foreever!
We have some resources for parents attachment parenting older children on our site at www.attachmentparenting.ca
author of "Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising responsible caring children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery."