I'm with the " "Tell them to go F*ck themselves." camp, but only with my immediate family. Not with anyone else. But that is because they tell me "you never listen to anyone!!" when I have simply stated I already have a plan in place for X, Y, or Z.
Ex: My mom asks with concern, "Where are her socks?"
Me, "She doesn't need socks. They just fall off and get lost. Let's go."
My mom, "But she should have socks." And next to her, my sister asks,"Yeah, where ARE her SOCKS?"
Me, "Oh, it's okay. I've got something else to keep her warm."
My grandma is standing next to both of them, and has heard the entire conversation. "Where are her socks!!?"
Me, "We've lived in freezing temps back home. I think I can keep my baby warm in San Diego!! Thanks!!"
Now I'm pissed. I just walk out the door. When it gets cold later at the event, I whip out her super warm zip up with enclosed feet, hands, and hood. And mind you, I wasn't just pissed about the socks. It was the spoons, the way I strapped her into a high chair with my sling since they didn't have a belt for it. "That's not going to work! She's going to slip out and fall! It doesn't have the thingy there to hold her in." Of course, by the time I was done, she was marvelously secure and they clammed up. It was how at 6 mos I wasn't allowing her brain to develop by feeding her APPLESAUCE. It was pure insanity. The things people say when they are so out of line, they can't go back. Ridiculous.
But that's just me. My mom said, "You never listen!!" I said, "No, it's YOU who never listens. I offer a suggestion to YOU, and you say you're not interested, and I leave it alone. YOU OFFER INSANE ADVICE, and I decline it politely two or three times before I get irritated and ask you to back off." She replied "Well, when you say 'back off' it sounds like you mean..." "F*** OFF!!" "Yes!" "THAT'S BECAUSE THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY!!! DING DING DING!! See how polite I am? If I really didn't listen, you wouldn't be able to tell me that."
ETA: asterisks Sorry. I get carried away when I remember the insanity of the moment.
OMG this sounds EXACTLY like my family, on both sides. lol.
I agree with PP about making it about your needs instead of baby. I did that with MIL on co-sleeping. I explained that I was an inherently lazy person. I wanted the best result (i.e. more sleep) with the least effort possible. I was just too lazy and tired to get up to feed her. this way she was right there and didn't even have time to fuss and wake DH before I could pop a boob in her mouth and we could all go back to sleep. She kept insisting that if we let her sleep with us she was going to be in our bed at 6yrs. lol. I just asked why that was a bad thing? Was I supposed to say I wouldn't share with her? Like, no this is MY bed, how dare YOU touch MY bed?! lol. She was like "oh...uh...well...." and that was pretty much the end of that.
You're doing a great job, momma! Keep up the good work and don't let anyone tell you you're not! *hugs*