I'm having such a hard day, and I don't know what to do. My kids will not sleep at the same time. From 6am to 11:30 pm one of them is up. My son is STTN, but my daughter will wake every few hours between 12am and 6 am.
I have a supportive husband and family, and I know I have so much to be greatful for. i love my children. But right now I just want to be away from them.
I strap my guy in the car and then go to the nearest target, I strap him in the cart, and then I buy a mocha from the in-store Starbucks and get a sample cup of whip cream for him to eat with a stir stick (takes him awhile). Then I walk around, slowly, drinking my mocha.
OR, I put him on my back (or in the stroller) and go for a walk--I call it better parenting through strapping him down LOL!
It just gives me a break from supervising or having to entertain...
Hugs mama. I remember when mine were little I wished I could just go to a hotel to sleep for 3 days ALONE!!!
What you are feeling is normal. Get some time for yourself somehow your kids will thank you for it later.
You need to recharge your batteries. Even if it's just a nightly mommy bath time alone or trip to coffee shop.
I strap my guy in the car and then go to the nearest target, I strap him in the cart, and then I buy a mocha from the in-store Starbucks and get a sample cup of whip cream for him to eat with a stir stick (takes him awhile). Then I walk around, slowly, drinking my mocha.
OR, I put him on my back (or in the stroller) and go for a walk--I call it better parenting through strapping him down LOL!
It just gives me a break from supervising or having to entertain...
I do things like that.
Why is your child up until 11:30 though? I would troubleshoot that.
I have a couple of places I like to bring ds to play where my need to supervise is fairly minimal. There is a drop-in play centre in the nearest town & the next town over so we alternate between those. There is also the library story time & recently I found out about a zumba class where the kids can play while the mom's do zumba (SO not my thing but it's exercise & I can bring ds).
I will admit I use the tv more than I would like but I am trying to curb that severely as I find it makes ds' behaviour worse.
Some days I just flat out tell dh I NEED to have a nap & he will try his best to arrange things so that he takes ds while I crawl into bed with dd for a nap. Dd is only 5 weeks though so she sleeps so much of the time it makes scheduling this a bit easier.
I would use DH and you family as much as you can. Except for days when DH works a day shift he usually takes our LO out for a few hours during the day (not always consecutive hours). Sometimes they do errands (at the moment they're at the pool shop and the supermarket) and sometimes they go to the park or swimming lagoon. This gives me some time on my own to either sleep or do housework without help.
I also have great parents nearby who will take her for a few hours nearly any day. Usually I use that time to do things that are hard to do with a toddler.
Most of my alone time I spend doing things but I find it quite restorative to have a clean, tidy house and to be able to do things by myself. If I needed to sleep then I would definitely do that instead.
As a PP said, getting the kids to bed before 11:30pm would also be a priority for me but, if that isn't possible could you swap nights with DH so only one of you has to stay up late each night? On your "off" night you could put the earlier sleeper to bed and then go to bed yourself while he stays up with the late sleeper. On your "on" night you swap roles.
Would a quiet time be possible? Maybe when the youngest one is asleep then the older one is playing quietly in their room by themself so you can have some alone time.
Sometimes I plop DD in the bath when I'm feeling really tired of interacting with her. She hangs out in there ignoring me, and I sit next to the tub doing nothing. It's like a really fun playpen for her. Then she poops in the tub.....ah, serenity! Hang in there...
I did the bath a lot too, when my son was 2-4 or so. He's not as into it now, for some reason.
My 2.5 year old does try to do some rest hour/quiet time on days that she doesn't nap. I take her up to her room, we read a story, and then I leave her with a stack of books and 1-2 other toys that she likes to play with. Usually a pegboard with lots of pegs, and a doll with some blankets or something like that. A friend of mine puts in a quiet cd and tells her daughter that when the music stops, then she can come back down. That sounds like a fabulous idea to me. We started this very very slowly, with maybe 5 minutes, then increasing the amount of time. It's a time I now really rely on. All my kids have rest hour right after lunch.
Is your older one into books on tape at all? I sometimes put a story in, and would strap the baby on my back, while I cooked dinner or something. He might be a little young still, but maybe not? Other toys that keep my kids entertained without much input from me are foam stickers, playdough, the play kitchen, trainset, any toys with lots of pieces, and the rice box (though I need to be in the same room for that one otherwise it becomes a mess!).
I'm a total introvert and if I don't get enough quiet, non-interacting time, I get very grumpy. I do talk about this with my kids and sometimes they can empathize and stay out of my hair even if it's just for a few minutes. I also learned that I have to ask DH to take the kids at various times. He doesn't usually offer but si always happy to do it, somehow it just doesn't cross his mind. So if he's going to the store, he takes at least one kid with him. When he plays basketball, he takes one of our older ones. When he goes to watch football with a friend, he brings the toddler along. All of these things really help and he's happy to do them, I just have to let him know I need that. All the best, I hope you get some recharging time. When they're so little it's SO hard to get that, good for you for seeking it out!
Thank you all for your responses. I literally just crashed on friday, and my dh had to stop work early and take care of the kiddos. This past week has been better, but I still feel so tired all the time. And mentally just bored. I do so much, I accomplish nothing; and it seems so much advice is geared to only having one small child. I don't know anyone who has two at home full time.
I don't feel safe bathing them together. I cannot leave them together to play. Going anywhere with them is exhausting and stressful, because I often feel like I"m forced into unsafe situations. My parents, dh, etc nobody will take care of both of them at once; so I don't feel i can get a 'real' break. I hate to complain so much, and they can be really sweet sometimes; but right now it's just on, on, on all the time all day, every day.
wait - your husband won't take care of both kids at the same time?
Do you still have one of them up half the night? I think if you can get him (I assume it's your toddler) to bed at a normal time you'd be in better shape.
Do you have any PPD going on? A lot of what you are thinking of as 'impossible' is kind of normal, every day stuff. I'm not sure you're thinking clearly? That is GOOD news! That your perception may not be reality. :hug:
Seriously? He's the dad. They are HIS kids. Why do you have to take both at once if he doesn't? My advice? Get a book (The Help was VERY good), leave the house, and go to the library or to a yummy coffee shop and read. Take some time to recharge. Your DH can keep both kids at once, even if he doesn't want to.
Aw hugs to you, it sounds like not only is your reality is very hard right now, you sound just so tired and depleted that it's hard to even see options and possibility. Having two littles at home all day is exhausting and depleting. Yes. Especially with the sleeping schedule you describe. What about a few things that might begin to help even a little bit, that are doable without requiring a ton of change from the current situation, and might get you closer toward a spot of feeling like you've got some control and are getting some of your needs met?
I'm not saying that doing these three things will be easy, but they ARE doable. Gathering up the courage to say to DH "to avoid you having to come home from work early again, I want us to work something out where I get more rest. Can we ...?" Going for a walk might take an hour to get everyone ready, diapers changed, blow-outs averted, and shoes on, but what else would you be doing anyway? Get those 10 minutes! And yes, getting to the doctor might require what feels like moving mountains. But strap that baby to your body, hold the toddler's hand, and you can totally do it. I'm not trying to minimize how you're feeling right now. I'm just trying to encourage you to take the power back into your own hands and start taking some steps toward being in a better place again. Let us know how it goes (or if it really doesn't work, what didn't work about it).
I don't feel safe bathing them together. I cannot leave them together to play. Going anywhere with them is exhausting and stressful, because I often feel like I"m forced into unsafe situations. My parents, dh, etc nobody will take care of both of them at once; so I don't feel i can get a 'real' break. I hate to complain so much, and they can be really sweet sometimes; but right now it's just on, on, on all the time all day, every day.
My boys are 2 years apart, I had them both home fulltime for a while there (until summer "camp" and preschool for the older one!) and I remember feeling just as you are. What did I do to survive? First of all, I took help from my parents, sometimes an hour every day (we lived close to them at the time). And they never said they'd only take care of one at a time! The baby often needed me anyway, but for brief periods, they were more than willing to have both! And I had a nice college-age friend of my parents come in and play with my older son a few times. For sleep schedules: I went to sleep at night when I nursed the baby to sleep -- and dh did bedtime with the toddler. So I'd get my biggest block of sleep from about 7-midnight or whatever that first block of sleep was for the baby, My dh also had this thing for a while where he said he's not "interested" in having both kids at the same time by himself. You reminded me of that! I thought that was really unreasonable! And he should have put his comfort aside and done it sooner. But still, he did end up with both sometimes (as did your dh) and as the kids got older he has been more than willing and able to play with both at home or take both out for outings together. It was just overwhelming for him when the baby was still a baby (now ds2 is 4.5!).
If I were in your shoes I would try to find a neighborhood tween or teen to come occupy the older one sometimes and give you that half-break. Better yet, have your parents take the baby while you have the teen over - and maybe even your parents will see that what you really need is a REAL break, from both sometimes. And this is a good time to remember - this phase will pass! It WILL get easier as the kids get older, every year will be easier.
Sorry... I was writing when I was totally exhausted and frustrated. I know that I'm undermining myself in some ways-- my dh helps a lot; and he does take care of both the kids. But quite often he's doing 3 things at once-- dinner, taking care of the kids, cleaning etc. And the kids are at the age where I feel like they need, (and they do need) individual attention. My parents both work, and take care of my grandparents; and love the kiddos. My son is very comfortable with them, but my 9 month old just isn't there yet. (My son wasn't either at that point). They have taken them both once, and they are watching them for our anniversary as well. My dh is taking as many vacation days in the next few months as he can.
I know (I just know!) that there are other mom's who don't have the support that I do and do a better job.
I just feel as if my battery is always on low... I recharge just enough for what I need, and then it's go, go, go. There is caring for the kids, then, all the things I *need* to do, and then all the things I want to do. And just not enough hours in the day. :(.
my dh helps a lot; and he does take care of both the kids. But quite often he's doing 3 things at once-- dinner, taking care of the kids, cleaning etc. And the kids are at the age where I feel like they need, (and they do need) individual attention.
But that's just life, too. I mean things have to get done in the house.
You didn't answer about the sleep schedule? Why do you have a child up until 11pm?! I feel like your main problem might just be sleep deprivation.
Hey, just wanted to send you a hug. I had my two 21 months apart and I found it exhausting for the first year. I think it can just be quite overwhelming to be "on" so much of the day, particularly if you're not getting a good night's sleep. When mine were small I would make sure that every day there was a playdate or some kind of interaction with other parents' and kids. I found that really helped keep me sane! Go easy on yourself - it can be exhausting, but it will all start to get much easier soon.
Just found this thread. This is how I feel. 2 kids is so hard and no one could imagine if they only had one! My kids also go to bed super late recently. Some crazy cycle they've gotten into. They need less sleep lately, and don't even nap! I get no break. Luckily, my dh takes them off my hands when he comes home from work and I chill out in the bedroom a couple hours. But still, daytime is soooo long and boring. And it's winter. Blech.
How are you doing, OP?
I can tell you what my week looks like, and maybe it will help?
DH works long hours so it's hit or miss when he's home to help out, but when he's home, he helps out, whether he likes it or not, lol.
I do the bulk of the household duties, I cook and clean up dinner, and if he's home before 7 or 7:30, he's helping with bathtime, toddlers jammies, reading a book and is in charge of putting the toddler to bed. If DH doesn't get home until after 8:30 I usually put the toddler to bed too, so he has time to wind down as well. I'm up until 11 and usually get a full nights sleep, so it's not a big deal to me.
I'm on baby duty pretty much all the time, but luckily she's a good sleeper and usually only wakes once in a 12 hour period.
Toddler is asleep by 9, and usually wakes once and comes in our room. If he needs anything, DH is in charge(most of the time), The baby(9 months almost) is usually in bed at 7 or 7:30, at which point, if I have plans, I'm free to go. I have band practice for my church once a week, and every so often I'll go out with a girlfriend. He takes care of both kids, and that's about it. The house is usually messy when I get back, but it doesn't bother me too much. about once or twice a month I take a night off and go out with friends and he's on daddy duty. Sounds like you really need a break to get away. I know after band practice and I come home and the kids are in bed, I'm totally energized and recharged...and usually in the mood :) lol
i'm sorry for necroposting, but I think was my last post before I went 'dark' and it sound so miserable! Things are so different now-- I almost can't imagine that I wrote this! I'm still at home, but the difference a year makes is astounding! I sleep, I shower, I write-- and all without feeling like I'm taking away from the kiddos. If there are any other moms out there feeling the same, just hang in there, do what you cneed to survive, and trust that things will be better in a bit. Thanks to all that responded! The support from this site has gotten me through many a tough time.
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