Getting pregnant with a donor!

[ashliee]

Hello I am Ashlie, I am 20 years old and looking into a sperm donor, actually.. I'm past looking into it, I have decided this is something I truly want and am ready for! You see, I know a lot of you will be thinking "you are so young and have plenty of time to start a family" and you are 100% correct! 
My mother at age 21 lost her abitly to ever complete another successful pregnancy, Due to ovarian cancer. I would also like to add that she is now a very healthy 38 year old woman who has been pregnant close to 10 times since the ordeal, every single one of these pregnancies ended due to them being ectopic. As a young child this did effect my life, mostly the first few times, as I was young and she didn't know they would all end the way they did, It broke my heart, there are two times that have effected me in a different way and more from just a mature and having knowledge of these things as you get older its a little harder, all she ever wanted was ONE more ONE! she wanted her baby boy so badly, which is why she even put herself through the torture of all those ectopic pregnancy's. She has now had her tubes tied because its just to painful for her, emotionally and physically it rips her apart, and it breaks my heart for her! 
Anyway that some of my family's back round and such, basically I want to have a child maybe a little sooner for the simple fact of, If i were to loose my ability i honestly don't know what i would do, it would break me in every way, I have known from a young age that my goal in life is to be a mommy, and I would like to fulfill that one goal as soon as possible because what if i end up with ovarian cancer.. idk that's why it is sort of in rush mode.
I have found my possible sperm donor, and i just basically i don't even know...
This is not a doner that you just go in an some nurse brings you the sperm and then does it... Its going to be me inseminating myself with the sperm he provides in a sanitary container.
I don't know its just the beginning of this process and i have to look into so many things, but I'm hoping to find some form of support here, I truly just need someone to give me advice and just give me some support. 
This is a life changing decision and it needs to be planned perfectly and Idk I think I'm a tiny bit scared, more scared of getting my hopes up that I have found a donor and what if he backs out lol im scared!
Also i need as much advice i can get on TTC, any knowledge you have on it please help me ill love you forever!
 

Edited by ashliee - 11/12/11 at 2:00pm

[BaileyB]

?? I'm not sure the sanitary container thing will work. The sperm will probably die...

[Jaimee]

Welcome to MDC Ashlie!   

I assume that you have looked into your chances of developing ovarian cancer due to genetics?  And this is why you feel so rushed?  Have you spoken to numerous doctors, genetic counselors, etc. about this so that you feel fully informed about this decision?  I would also encourage you to post in the parenting forum to get a feel for what might lie ahead for you as a single mommy- I'm sure there are a lot of single moms on here that would be happy to share their wisdom.

If your decision has been officially made and you simply need more information and support about doing your own IUI, then I would suggest posting in the infertility forum as well.  You also might want to change the title of your post here to reflect your desire for information about insemination.  I know there are few members that frequent this forum that are doing their own insemination right now.

Lastly, to aid in the insemination process, I would highly recommend starting to chart your basal body temperature and cervical fluid.  This will tell you when you are fertile, when you ovulation, how long your luteal phase is (the time between O and AF- it is generally agreed that you need at least 10 days to sustain a pregnancy), when to test, when to expect AF, if you're pregnant, and if there is anything of concern happening with your cycle.  When you depend on someone who is not your partner and have to go through an involved process in order to have sperm present at the time of ovulation, you want to be sure you know when ovulation is actually happening.  Going by the calendar does not give you the best chance as ovulation can vary cycle to cycle- even if you have pretty regular cycles.  OPK's are often unreliable and do not confirm ovulation- only that you were gearing up to O.  Only charting will confirm ovulation for you.  If you'd like more information about charting, just post.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

[kitchensqueen]

Just wanted to chime in and first of all, second everything that Jaime advises - good advice. In doing an insemination on your own, you'll also seriously want to consider your donor - both for health and the legal aspects of him contributing sperm. Would he want to be involved in the child's life at all (or can you foresee that happening in the future)? You'll want to research the legal ramifications of this kind of situation so that you can make an informed decision. I'd also recommend changing the title of this thread to reflect the self-guided nature of your insemination so that those going down that path can give you relevant advice. 

Either way, good luck and welcome to MDC. 

[ashliee]

Originally Posted by Jaimee 

Welcome to MDC Ashlie!   

I assume that you have looked into your chances of developing ovarian cancer due to genetics?  And this is why you feel so rushed?  Have you spoken to numerous doctors, genetic counselors, etc. about this so that you feel fully informed about this decision?  I would also encourage you to post in the parenting forum to get a feel for what might lie ahead for you as a single mommy- I'm sure there are a lot of single moms on here that would be happy to share their wisdom.

If your decision has been officially made and you simply need more information and support about doing your own IUI, then I would suggest posting in the infertility forum as well.  You also might want to change the title of your post here to reflect your desire for information about insemination.  I know there are few members that frequent this forum that are doing their own insemination right now.

Lastly, to aid in the insemination process, I would highly recommend starting to chart your basal body temperature and cervical fluid.  This will tell you when you are fertile, when you ovulation, how long your luteal phase is (the time between O and AF- it is generally agreed that you need at least 10 days to sustain a pregnancy), when to test, when to expect AF, if you're pregnant, and if there is anything of concern happening with your cycle.  When you depend on someone who is not your partner and have to go through an involved process in order to have sperm present at the time of ovulation, you want to be sure you know when ovulation is actually happening.  Going by the calendar does not give you the best chance as ovulation can vary cycle to cycle- even if you have pretty regular cycles.  OPK's are often unreliable and do not confirm ovulation- only that you were gearing up to O.  Only charting will confirm ovulation for you.  If you'd like more information about charting, just post.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

I mean ill be honest and let you know i haven't looked too closely into it, but it is for sure the main reason i do feel rushed, however I feel more excited to get the process started rather then rushed if that makes sense! And that is actually a fantastic idea, I'm sure some single mothers on this site would be able to give me great knowledge! I have a nephew who i pretty much raise, so i do have an idea of what is in store for me, however i also know  that all situations are different and having all the knowledge possible will be helpful!
I am looking into buying OPK tests online as well as i will be taking my temp, I'm pretty much going to do everything i can to track ovulation! if you have any links about these things i would really appreciate them! I want to make sure I'm doing everything i need to be doing to make this a success!

I am curious if there are any moms on here who did conceive with a donor? I'm hoping there are as I'm pretty unsure of what a contract for this is going to look like and such! I wont be TTC until at least march. but maybe even as long as may. I'm trying to take my time and not rush this too much!

[ashliee]

Originally Posted by kitchensqueen 

Just wanted to chime in and first of all, second everything that Jaime advises - good advice. In doing an insemination on your own, you'll also seriously want to consider your donor - both for health and the legal aspects of him contributing sperm. Would he want to be involved in the child's life at all (or can you foresee that happening in the future)? You'll want to research the legal ramifications of this kind of situation so that you can make an informed decision. I'd also recommend changing the title of this thread to reflect the self-guided nature of your insemination so that those going down that path can give you relevant advice. 

Either way, good luck and welcome to MDC. 

Thank you! my two major things are that he show proof of no STI's, Also we have spoken about how this is going to work, a contract is going to be made, He is not interested in any contact with the child, but he did say that when the child is an adult he would be open to meeting him or her if thats what the child wants. I have offered him pictures and updates twice a year. I am also trying to decide if i should have him go in for genetic testing!

[kitchensqueen]

It sounds like you're thinking this through and doing your homework, which is great. It's a big decision and incredible life change you're embarking upon. Hopefully you can find the answers to your questions here - MDC is a great community of moms. There's so much to learn here. Keep us posted on your journey! 

[Stevi]

I have done home IUIs in the past, sadly mine were unsuccessful, but I believe that was due mostly to the advanced age of my donor at the time.

Anyway, I completely concur with getting to know your cycles by charting, OPKs, checking cervical fluid, etc. Inseminations only work if you do them at the right times.

I also recommend using the Instead Cup as a sperm receptacle. If he can, have the donor put his contriubution right into the Instead Cup, then you can simply put it in, sperm and all. You may want to practice using them, you can do that by using it for what it was designed for; your period. Make sure the donor is not using anything unsafe as a lubricant, there is a sperm friendly lube called Preseed or Pre' that you can order online, or is sometimes available in medical supply stores.

I would normally also recommend using donors in their early twenties, but with you being in that age-range I'm assuming your donor is as well. :)

I now use natural insemination, but I am still using donors. So, feel free to PM me if you have questions more personal in nature. I also have a donor contract that I would be willing to send you.

[ashliee]

Originally Posted by kitchensqueen 

It sounds like you're thinking this through and doing your homework, which is great. It's a big decision and incredible life change you're embarking upon. Hopefully you can find the answers to your questions here - MDC is a great community of moms. There's so much to learn here. Keep us posted on your journey! 

Oh yes, I have been thinking long and hard about everything that is going to go into this, This is the biggest and most life changing decision I have ever made, I know this is something I want to do, however I am doing my best not to rush anything, because this is something that needs planning and I need to be fully educated on the whole ordeal before I decide to start trying.
I actually just stumbled upon a community for exactly what my plans are and Ive been talking with a few of the members of that site, between the two sites I am receiving almost all of the information I need :) This website seems to have a lot of knowledgeable women on it and I look forward to getting to know you all :) 
I will most definitely keep you all posted! :)

[ashliee]

Stevi

I actually have never heard of the instead cup but I will look into it! And yes all of the donors I have been speaking to are in their twenties, which is good!
I would LOVE to see your contract!!! thats something I have no idea where to begin with! so that would be fantastic!
It is nice to know that there are others out there making the same choice as I am, it makes me feel like its less of an odd thing to do :P