We come home by 4 and get homework done- ideally,,,, we then start dinner and watch a movie and put pj's on. I try to have them in bed by 8 or 8:30 and have had them down as early as 7:30.
grandmother becoming mom - Page 2
This happened to me 12 yrs ago. My daughter was divorced from the girl’s dad and was raising them on her own (the father didn’t want anything to do with being a dad) until she met a guy who introduced her to drugs. The girls were 2 and 4 at the time. She lived around the corner from us and I got a call from my granddaughter telling me she couldn’t wake up her mom. I rushed over and we couldn’t get the door unlocked because she had bolted it shut. After what seemed like an eternity (which was really on a few minutes) my daughter came to and opened the door. Both girls were crying and I could see that my daughter was so high on drugs that I took the girls despite my daughter screaming and yelling at me to my house. We got guardianship of both girls immediately and have had them up until 6 months ago when they went back to mom. My daughter has been drug free for two years now and has since met a very nice man who also has two children and they are doing great. But it has been a very long and hard road that I had to travel on. Believe me when I say that others will not understand what you are going through unless they traveled this road themselves. There are sooooo many emotions that you will express and people will at times not understand, get tired of hearing it from us, and abandon us. Believe me it is o.k. to have these emotions we are only human and it is a big adjustment to us. I was and probably still have anger inside that this was unexpected and caused many sacrifices in my life. While my daughter was living a carefree life doing whatever, I had the responsibility of raising her two girls. I had already raise my three and was just now starting to experience life with just my husband and I. The hardest part was that I was no longer their nana but had been forced to be their mom. They rebelled and fought me tooth and nail, because they didn’t understand what was happening and wanted their mom back. I had lost that “greatness” of being a grandmother where you spoil them, love them, and comfort them whenever they need you to be, no I was the “mean one now” who told them no, they have to go to school, do homework, go to bed, wash their hair, stop fighting. I thought I would literally die the first times these beautiful children told me they hated me for making them follow rules. I was there grandmother and these are words that a grandmother should never have said to hear. I can’t tell you how many tears I shed, most nobody ever saw because they were so many. I can tell you this, that had I not taken these girls they could have literally ended up dead, been beaten, abused, only God knows what other horrible things could have happened. But he chose us to take them, love them, teach them, comfort them and more important to instill in them worthiness and hope. We were blessed to get the opportunity to share in so many amazing memories that we would not have had the opportunity to witness. We provided them with a safe home, clothing, medical and dental, friends, and most important the assurance that they were loved and accepted for themselves. For whatever means that you acquired your grandchildren know this for a fact. That you were chosen by God to intervene and that he will provide you with the strength and courage to march forward. You have something special and unique that only you could give your grandchildren by taking on this job. I am a witness to this as I look at these two young souls that I raised who are now teenagers 14 and 16, the oldest now a junior in high school and I am so proud of these girls and who they became despite the turbulent childhood memories they still have. If you don’t know God find him! He will supply you with all you need. He will not abandon you when the tears fall (and they will) but he will give you peace. Find other grandmothers whom you can talk to because they will have a great understanding and sympathy for what your experiencing and will have wisdom to share on what worked or not. Know that you will be tested from these children because their faith in relationships have been affected. Will you leave too? Did they do something that made this happen and are they are fault? Stay strong and be strong because they need those boundaries. They need to know that you love them enough to choose a life where they will have tools to survive. You will teach them these tools. Don’t worry where they will come from, you will be surprised at the wisdom and gifts that are buried inside you. Even now when I think of the oldest who will next year be a senior in high school and be ready to move on into adulthood tears still fill my eyes and pride beams from my heart. I will always be here if you need a friend, a shoulder, a strength, I promise to lift you when you fall and know for a fact that I will pray that God’s mercy will show you the way.