Here's my take on this topic, and it stems from some personal growth in the the last year, so, take it for what it's worth.
It's okay to be you. And being you INCLUDES being pretty, smart, athletic, witty, or any other positive attribute, be it regularly applied to girls and not boys...or not. It isn't good to downplay your strengths. It's not good to flaunt them, or make others feel upstaged, but it's good to be you. And to be comfortable in your own awesomeness.
Because, you have a lot to offer the world. And if you are smart, you should know that about yourself, and relate to the world that way. It took me a long, long, long time, and a lot of frustrated relationships and failed conversations, to realize that I, apparently, am a bit smarter than the average bear. And that's okay. There's nothing wrong with me, and I don't have to hold back. I can offer a lot to the world the way I was made. I don't have to play dumb, I don't have to throw the game...but I do probably have a responsibility to be a leader, and to help others along.
So what if your dd is good-looking. Wonderful. People who are good looking often have a leg up in life. Others tend to respond to them better. The things I would teach are NOT "beauty is only skin deep" and "quit looking at yourself in the mirror", but "because of your blessing, you have the responsibility of being kind to girls who aren't so great looking. You have the responsibility to keep the snobs off their case. You've been blessed, and you need to know it."
And, here's another thought. We have ALL been given things that are special and unique to us. But most of us, women especially, go around faking. We hide the beauty inside. Be it the beauty outside, be it our brains, or our ideas, or whatever. We don't have the confidence to be what we are. We don't know how to handle what we have.
Knowing that 1.) ALL of who we are is a gift. 2.) Sometimes gifts can be taken away. and 3.) Embrace what you have and use it to its fullest changes a lot.
If your dd is drop dead gorgeous, how is she going to USE it? Is she going to bless the world with modest beauty? Is she going to use it to get her self-esteem? Is she going to use it to use boys? OR is she going to be uncertain that she IS pretty, or WHAT she should do about it?
I'd rather my dd walk around with her head high and KNOW that she's gorgeous, and be kinder to those who aren't, to modestly turn her head when the boys gape, and to leave onlookers with a feeling of "now...that's beauty"...like an amazing sunset.
And you know what? The joy she reaps by her kindness and her security in who she is at the moment and her confidence in using the gifts she has will create that deep beauty and character we are all so concerned about.
It translates to you. Who ARE you. Really. Deep down. What have you ALWAYS loved, but maybe forgotten? What is really important to you. Does your nose still turn up in that cute way it did when you were 5? Are your eyes still your best asset? Do your ears still stick out more than you like? Are you a bit flighty or short tempered? Sometimes, most times I think, it is more important to just recognize what we ARE, and that it is US. And that...well, it's okay. After you know who you are, you can work with it. I know that I don't wake up well. I don't have to keep up this guilt I have that I'm not a June Cleaver breakfast maker with perfect hair at 5am. I'm not that. But, I can make some awesome cookies...and I can pull a great all nighter. What I have to offer the world is different than June Cleaver...but it's every bit as good. And I don't intend to change.
What have you learned from your experiences as a child? Who are you now? Stop trying to change, and just BE yourself fully. You already are full of who you are...don't be afraid to embrace it. Don't be afraid to know that you ARE awesome. You ARE a good Mama. And what you have to offer the world...and your daughters...is every bit as good.