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Warm Winter Wishes and BFP's 40 ++ TTC - Page 7

post #121 of 712

The FDA has stepped in on the selling of HCG... I think it is no longer allowed to be sold as a diet aid?

post #122 of 712

So sorry Jennifer, but welcome to the group.


Gumblossom and Shell - Hugs to you both.


I had my NT scan today. It was amazing to see our little one waving to us on the screen. love.gif  We are taking the results as positive, even though I'm still in an elevated risk range for downs due to my age.   I will go back for a fetal scan at 16 wks but we have decided to decline the CVS and amnio. 

post #123 of 712



3surfboys- We did the NT scan for both girls and then 12 week & 20 week sono's.  Everything turned out fine and I hope the same for you. 


Stevi- We did a homeopathic version.  They are pulling it from some companies but not all.


Looking forward to getting to know you all!

post #124 of 712

Hi All,


I'm sorry to be so behind, but welcome to all the new mamas and congrats to those of you with BFPs!


I have a little bit of bittersweet news to share (for those oldtimers who remember me)... today I am 5 weeks pregnant. But sadly, I just learned this morning that this one was not meant to stay. For some reason I had been nervous to share the news before my first ultrasound (maybe my intuition telling me all was not well), but had been hoping to see a heartbeat in early January and tell you all then. I had symptoms, a rapid, slippery pregnancy pulse, and great betas. But after my 3rd (fantastic) beta, my TCM person asked for one more. (I didn't even want to do betas, for fear they would create stress, but my TCM person asked for them). So I did a 4th beta yesterday and got the news today that my HCG had dropped dramatically. My western doctors and TCM folks agree there is no hope.


I have no bleeding or cramps and still feel pregnant, and am still in shock. I had been doing a lot of meditation and visualization that was connecting me very deeply to this little spirit inside, and DH and I were joyfully embracing the idea of welcoming (my second, our first) baby in August. I've had to spend all my energy today trying to hold it together in front of DD, who is on winter break and with me 24/7. Whenever I've had a few moments alone, the tears begin to flow but I'm soon called back. I don't know when I'll be able to really grieve and process. I did manage to sneak off to see my TCM person this afternoon while my parents watched DD. Seeing all the baby pictures on the wall was bittersweet. They gave me some herbs to help bring on the miscarriage (my body is still holding tight to this pregnancy). It feel strange to be drinking them.


My TCM person thinks I simply jumped the gun -- she told me to give her until January to improve my egg quality, and we tried in November and caught an egg, just not a good enough one apparently. I do credit her wonderful care with bringing me this far -- since we started trying a year and a half ago, we've only had chemical pregnancies. So I have hope for the future.


Still, this is so so sad.

post #125 of 712

Litmama hug2.gif

I am so sorry.  I know.


It's been 3 months since our most recent loss and I still find myself in tears.

I mourn the child I will never hold in this life.  


Know I am thinking of you.  


me ((((((((((you )))))))))) hugs.







post #126 of 712

Oh, LitMama, I'm so sorry. I've been there with a dropping beta and I know how devastating it is. Thinking of you...



post #127 of 712

LitMama grouphug.gif  Hugs and healing to you. 

post #128 of 712

Im so sorry Litmama. hug2.gif

post #129 of 712

Thank you, skeemama, alittlesandy, 3surfboys, and contactmaya. I'm touched by your kind words, warm thoughts and hugs. You make me teary, but in a good way. grouphug.gif

post #130 of 712

LitMama...   I am so sorry... More hugs coming from here...

post #131 of 712

Love and peace to all of those dealing with loss or disappointments right now.   May the return of the sun bring you light and joy and lovely babies in the new year.  xx

post #132 of 712

Oh, Litmama, I am so sorry. That sounds heartbreaking, especially after 3 good betas. I do see the solid bit of hope that you got past the chemical stage. It is so tough trying to hold it together around a child. I hear that. If you can somehow get even 5 minutes to yourself for a good full body sob, for me that can help release a lot. I'm glad you had a connection to a baby spirit. Sad as they have been for me, they have also been amazing and full of love, plus I've had the sense they have a purpose in the spirit's journey. I'm guessing the same is true for you. Big (((hug))) to you.

post #133 of 712

I am so sorry Litmama, its harder for us who have a smaller window to have losses as we know our clock is ticking.. But at least it sounds like you have a good support of specialists helping you!


Surfboys, glad the NT scan came out ok, and glad you decided against the cvs, after what the other poster said about her amnio experience and her loss, it scares me now anytime someone is going to have those tests. 


Merry merry Christmas to everyone! 

I have a prayer request.. if i may.. My mom had open heart surgery on wednesday, and last night she started having delirium and was agitated, hopefully just a temporary setback, but it has been very hard for all of us to have her in the hospital over the holidays. 


Thank you


post #134 of 712

Litmama, I'm so sorry for your loss. It is so hard to have our babies leave us, especially when we've already made a connection.

It sounds like your TCM person is great, and it will just be a matter of time.hug2.gif

post #135 of 712


Thank you so much, siddal, stevi, a mommyttc, waturmama and gumblossom! I can feel the love and support and understanding from here, and it means a lot to me. grouphug.gif


I'm currently in a weird state of limbo. The tiny bit of brown spotting I had earlier this week disappeared completely yesterday and is staying away. My HPTs that were getting lighter are now getting darker again. My temperature is still high, and my boobs still hurt so much they keep me up at night. The only change is I'm no longer feeling the round ligament stretching sensations or the very faint crampiness that I think was just my uterus stretching (oh, and I guess the mild intermittent nausea I had is gone, too). It's hard to believe I'm no longer pg, and perhaps it's denial kicking in, but it makes me wonder if there was a lab error. I'm now deeply regretting drinking 3 doses of the herbs my TCM person gave me to bring on the m/c, just in case. On the other hand, my rational mind knows a lab error is unlikely, my TCM person confirmed my pregnancy pulse was gone, and I do have a sense that the baby spirit has left -- that a light has gone out in my womb. I've searched the loss forums and I do see that it can take weeks for the bleeding to begin, so I assume that's what's going on. It's strange to think that if I hadn't had that 4th beta, I would have learned of our loss during our 6.5 week ultrasound, and I would at this moment be ecstatic that my spotting and mild cramping had stopped. 


It's great to be spending time with family right now... we celebrate both Christmas and Chanukah and with both holidays happening at the same time this year, there is much celebration and merriment. Even though she doesn't know, my beautiful sweet DD is a huge comfort to me. I've told my parents what's going on and they're being wonderful, too. Haven't told any friends IRL yet, we're all just too busy to talk right now.


I just want to thank you all again... it's great to be able to share this with mamas who have been there and get it. love.gif


Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukah to those of you who celebrate them! Sending you all peace and blessings, love and light.

post #136 of 712

I was going to put my neck out earlier and say sometimes you have two in there and as one is reabsorbed HCG levels drop, then pick back up as the second fetus takes off growing.. I sure hope this is the case for you.. Sure sounds like pg symptoms to me, and the tests getting darker is a good sign also.. Keep your chin up and maybe you will have a christmas miracle. 

post #137 of 712

LitMama I hope your in a place of peace whatever the outcome.

post #138 of 712

Yikes, Litmama, that sounds confusing. I hope you have a Christmas miracle, too. In a way I hate to be part of getting your hopes up. I have been there so many times it seems now. There are plenty of amazing stories, and you could be so one too, but I have learned the hard way, that they are the exceptions. I like the twin theory. Truly the darkening pg test has not been part of my sad experiences, and that seems like the most hopeful part. The sense of a light going out I can so relate to. I hope you will call your TCM person asap and discuss, and I cross all my fingers and toes that you will have a miracle.


I'm so glad you are having a joyful holiday season and that your dd is a comfort.

post #139 of 712

Thank you so much WaturMama, Jennifer5, and amommyTTC. Your thoughts and wisdom and good wishes keep me going!


Well, it is getting weirder... I just got yesterday's beta back and it's 912, which means it's doubling again. My hands are shaking as I write this! My low beta from 12/21 when they told me I would miscarry was only 94. I guess at this point it's looking like either an ectopic or a vanishing twin. I did wake up this morning with nausea. Wow, I had already given up and started to truly grieve...


I'm so afraid to hope but can't help it. 


Yup, I'm calling both my RE and my TCM person right now!

post #140 of 712

LitMama praying.gifpraying.gifpraying.gif  sending positive thoughts and prayers to you!

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