Warm Winter Wishes and BFP's 40 ++ TTC - Page 8

[Stevi]

Wow Litmama!!! Toes crossed for good news from here to kindergarten!!!

[WaturMama]

Wow, Litmama, 912!! Sending good wishes...

[Jennifer5]

Can't wait to hear an update.  Sticky vibes your way!

[contactmaya]

Sticky vibes to you Litmama!!! 

[LitMama]

Thanks, everyone! 

You could have knocked my TCM person over with a feather when I told her my news... said she'd never seen this before. My RE says it could be a lab error, an ectopic, an impending miscarriage, or a slowpoke baby trying to catch up. (I like that last theory!) He said the vanishing twin idea was "practically impossible" (I didn't ask why, because it just seemed to go along with his western medicine mindset). I'm having another beta later today and tomorrow morning I go for a sonogram to look for a gestational sac and yolk sac. Unfortunately DH can't come with me, as he has to stay home and watch DD, who is on winter break. I'm nervous that we won't see anything on the sono because it will be too early -- has anyone else had a scan at only 5 1/2 weeks?

In the meantime, I had a tiny bit more spotting and cramping yesterday, and I'm finding myself just feeling like this could really go either way -- I realize I have very little control over it, and I have to just do my best to embrace what-is at the moment and not get too caught up in attachment to any particular outcome. Easier said than done! But, I do have my moments of grace. I'm finding meditation and visualization invaluable right now. 

I'll let you all know how the sonogram goes tomorrow! 

[amommyTTC]

at 5.5 weeks and with a beta of 912 I would expect to see a sac, and if no fetal pole that could still be normal this early. And I only said the vanishing twin thing because I had a friend who had the exact same thing happen, and her numbers dropped then picked back up.. No false hope, just wanted to explain her situation..

I am so hoping for you, sucks you have to go by yourself, especially when you are already so nervous.. What about bringing DD with you? I have brought my kids to u/s lots of times.. I understand if its not comfortable, but was just a thought. Good luck!

So ladies, I have a question, can you get pg when the penis is flacid (not erect) and barely is engaged with the female parts? I scooped some up and placed it back in ( I know TMI) just wondering.. Thanks

[Samgat]

Hello Ladies,

I am new to the forum.  I posted to the old one then realized no one was there. LOL But I am sure glad that I found it.  My DH and I are getting ready to have a vasectomy reversal and start trying for our first child together.  I have three and he has 1 from previous marriages.  But something keeps pulling us in the direction of having a child together.  Here is the hard part.  I am 41 now and he is 55.  (I had not been worrying much about his age until I saw the old post about the men's age from Contactmaya. :)   

I am concerned about how long it might take me to get pregnant.  My youngest is almost 12 and with all my other pregnancies all I had to do was think about getting pregnant and I was.  Will that happen again?  How long will it take my DH to have sperm after the reversal?  This is all a lot to think about.  I am worried that it will take too long.  I see that gumblossom has been through this part but I am unsure if she is on this new thread.

Are we too late to try?  I am scared to have a baby after 43.  That is my mental cut off.  Is there anything that we can do to get the sprem coming sooner. :) Can anyone tell me if they have been through the reversal part?

All your input will be great!

Samgat

[gumblossom]

Hi Samgat,

My Dh did have a reversal back in 2007, and it took us about 7 months to get pregnant.

We had previously had 4 children together, and had practically gotten pregnant first try every time, so I found the waiting after the reversal really challenging! It helped to have my own fertility worked out - I started charting before the reversal and started acupuncture too, so that my body was baby ready. I was told by my doctor that it could take at least three months to see sperm, and we had the sperm analysis done then, and he had a normal count.

It is really important to do things right with the reversal surgery. Be sure that the surgeon has done this procedure many times before, and that he is using micro-surgery techniques (some don't). The after care is super important - you want to stop any scarring if you can. Some men benefit from icing the area regularly and taking anti-inflammitories. My husband didn't do either, but a month before I had him on a vitamin regimen that included vitamin E, high does of vitamin C, selenium, zinc and a multi. We stopped the vitamin E two weeks before surgery because it can cause excessive bleeding.

I got a wealth of information and support from this website:

http://vrsupportgroup.proboards.com/index.cgi

I hope that helps.

Don't worry too much about your age. I was 41 when I fell pregnant with my son, and have had two more pregnancies since then, but sadly have miscarried. Women in their forties have babies all the time, there are plenty of success stories here.

[WaturMama]

Welcome Samgat! I don't know about vasectomies, but I know many women who have had children in their 40s, including two good friends this year--one at nearly 44 and the other a few month shy of 46. Both got pregnant naturally, though both had tried for quite a while before. When I look at family genealogy I see lots of women with many babies having them into their 40s. I am 44 and not ready to give up--I am getting pregnant frequently, but they aren't sticking. I am looking forward to an appointment with an RE (Reproductive Endocronologist) in Janurary to help get to the bottom of it. A lot of us have been helped by TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine--acupuncture and herbs). For me it has made my cycle more regular. I think gumblossom has a great idea to start charting now if you don't yet. Good wishes!

Wow, Litmama. What a roller coaster. I am so glad there is still hope. I will be checking for the results of the u/s tomorrow. I'm send extra good wishes since your dh can't be with you.

I just want to acknowledge here that the little one I was pg with for several weeks in the spring (called Love in my sig because when I put my hands over my womb I felt flooded with love) was due this month. The grief for that little one really came back over the holidays. little Love Baby.

[Samgat]

Good Morning,

Gumblossom, I think the waiting is going to be hard too. I am having a hard time even waiting for my husbands procedure.  I was so disappointed when they told us they could not do it until Jan 27th.  Then if I understand right we can't even try for another 30 days.  Then it could be months for sperm to show up.  Ugh...    The procedure will be done by someone who has done a lot of these and it will all be done microscopically. As for the vitamins I will review what he takes now and change if needed.  My husband plans on taking time off for the procedure and lay around the house. He is kinda a wimp about these things. :)  Which might be a good thing.  I will check out the link you mentioned.

As for me I have been to the doctor and will see another doctor who specializes in pregnancies with women my age.  (My age... that sounds funny)  So far everything has come back great. I have been put on a prenatal vitamin that has something else in it but I can't remember what they call it. 

I have decided to buy a Clear Blue ovulation monitor and start charting my temp so that I will be as ready as possible. Has anyone ever used a Clear Blue monitor?  I am worried that this will start to consume my life.  I want to keep the attitude that it will happen if this is what God wants to happen.   I told my husband that when a women decides to do something as big as have a baby we think about it daily when a man decides to do it he thinks about it when he has to produce sperm.  LOL   I was worried that he had changed his mind when he never spoke of it. But he says that he has not changed his mind.

Waturmama, Thank you for the good wishes.  I am so sorry for your losses. You have incredible strength.  It is good that you are looking into it more. I see the book the Pregnancy Miracle advertised a lot.  I have not gotten the book so I have no idea what it is about but it gets good reviews.  It claims to help women who are having trouble and it uses Chinese medicine I beleive.  Maybe you have it.

Hope everyone has a wonderful day!

[LitMama]

Welcome, Samgat! There are some similarities to your story and mine... I'm recently remarried as well and have a child from a previous marriage. My new DH and I started trying for a child of our own when I was 41 and for us it's definitely been a journey requiring patience and perseverance. It took us 1.5 years to get as pregnant as we are (does that make sense?), but I do know that it happens much sooner for other women. I wouldn't worry about your age, either, as long as you're prepared for wherever your journey takes you. Sounds like you are off to a good start. I would echo the recommendations to look into TCM, it's been very helpful for many of us. My TCM person has a great take-home-baby success rate for women over 40.

WaturMama, I hear you about the holidays being a tougher time to feel a sense of loss. I'm sorry if you're feeling down about that anniversary. Sending you ((( hugs ))) and loving support to get through this to a time when your sweet baby spirit stays with you.

amommyTTC, thanks for the idea of bringing my DD... one of the difficult aspects of my TTC journey is I can't discuss any of it with my DD. She has a close relationship with her father (my ex) and I couldn't ask her to keep a secret from him, yet I don't want to share this with him until we have a healthy baby well on the way. I expect him to react badly to it (he reacted badly when I got remarried) and want to protect myself from that during my first trimester. But a good idea for those mamas with less complicated lives! 

AFM, my update is not a happy one. I had what I would call an ambiguous ultrasound this morning. My RE called it a bad ultrasound and is ready to call my pregnancy ectopic or simply abnormal, but acknowledges that I might naturally still hold out hope, and so agreed to do wait on any treatment and do another sonogram on Monday. He thinks I'm 6 weeks (he actually asked me about my chart and used that as a guide, shocking!), and my beta from yesterday was 1550, so he expected to find not only a gestational sac and yolk sac but possibly a heartbeat. However, my uterus looks empty to him. My ovaries, tubes and surrounding area looked clear as well, but apparently that doesn't rule out an ectopic, as it could be too small to be seen.

While he was poking around, I saw something that looked just like a gestational sac with two yolk sacs inside and pointed it out to him, so he explored it. He said it was possible it was a sac, but that it looked flattened or irregular to him. It was also in a place that was difficult to see -- in a cornate section of my uterus right next to my tube. I asked him if he had ever had a patient who presented with an empty uterus and then a sac was found later than expected, and he said yes. However, he was ready to rush me into methotrexate and a D&C. In fact, he told me to block out 6 hours on Monday so that if my ultrasound shows an empty uterus on Monday as well, I can have immediate surgery (which he pointed out could save my tube and my life). He said that tubes generally burst by 7 weeks, so we have little time. I told him I refused to do a D&C without giving it more time and more sonograms.

In the meantime, this weekend I'm throwing a New Year's Eve party for my daughter and her friends -- and hoping I don't end up in the ER in the midst of it. 

I don't know what to think of this... I have plenty of regular pregnancy symptoms and no pain or other ectopic symptoms (just a twingey feeling near my left ovary, which I assume is my corpus luteum -- the u/s confirmed I ovulated on my left side). Of course I want to save my tube and my life, but I certainly don't want to terminate a healthy pregnancy if it's just hiding from us at the moment and could reveal itself with a little more time. I do have a tipped uterus, but my RE said that has no bearing on transvaginal ultrasounds, only the kind that go over the stomach. And I have nothing to compare this to, as my first ultrasound with my DD was at 8 weeks, so I have no experience with early ultrasounds.

I wonder about getting another opinion? Has anyone heard of this kind of thing happening or been through it?

Thanks for any wisdom you can share!

Edited later to add: 

I've just scheduled an appointment with a different OB/GYN (highly recommended by a friend and my TCM person) to get a second opinion tomorrow morning. I learned from her as well that there can be huge differences in the quality and resolution of ultrasound machines -- so I may also try to find a high powered ultrasound machine tomorrow, too. She told me a story of a patient whose pregnancy was written off as an ectopic and then a higher-powered ultrasound machine found a heartbeat.

Edited by LitMama - 12/29/11 at 3:02pm

[WaturMama]

(((hug))) Litmama, I am sad you don't have happier news, but glad there is still hope. That 1550 after the last one was about 900 sounds good. Something, somewhere is making HCG and it also seems positive he didn't see it in your tube. (Also seems like that makes it less likely it would burst soon, I'd think, but I don't know much about ectopic pregnancies.) I'm glad you are going to see that highly recommended OB/GYN.  I usually have a twingey feeling near my left ovary when I'm pg, so I agree that in itself is nothing to get alarmed about.

Thank you and to Samgat for the understanding and good wishes.

I took a look at the Pregnancy Miracle web site. The level of hype made it seem suspect, but the testimonials were compelling. It seemed hard to find a balanced review. Does anyone have any experience with it?

[amommyTTC]

Honestly hun if the doc was doing the u/s, they suck at it.. It takes a trained eye, especially with a tipped uterus to see what they need to see. And if you needed to point out what you saw as a yolk sac and a sac then he isn't looking very hard and sounds like its easier for him to give a pill do a D&C and be done with it.. NOT the kind of person you want on your side when trying to get and stay pregnant. 

I am so glad you are getting a second opinion.. If you saw two yolk sacs it could be the vanishing twin thing where one sac is laying on the other as it absorbs but the second baby is doing alright. There was a girl on BnB who had just a sac at almost 6 wks, then a very slow HB at 6.5 weeks, so low they told her she would for sure m/c.. She didn't and she is 24 wks along.. As your doc said, he has seen it go on to be a healthy pregnancy.. and doc's certainly are NOT god, they are learning every day as well.. 

I will keep my fingers crossed for you and your little bean that is trying hard to be sticky.. and you keep positive thoughts as well, visualize him/her growing and your uterus expanding, it may help with guided imagery.. It can't hurt right? 

Please be well and I hope you get better news from the new doc.. Keep us posted. 

[Samgat]

LitMama the best of wishes with your new appointment. I hope it all turns out great!   I think it was easier when we were younger and not trying so hard because then we did not have so much to worry about.  No one has ultrasounds at 5 weeks when you are 25. I probably didn't even know I was pregnant by then.  LOL  Now I feel that there is so much to learn all over again.   I don't mean to make light of any ones journey or struggles I just mean wouldn't it be nice to make love to your husband and then miss a period and say "oh my gosh, I think I am pregnant!"  Then you both stand there in shock for a few minutes and hug each other mumbling 'what are we going to do now?"  LOL  Just day dreaming.    

WaturMama That is the same reason I did not buy the book.  It seemed like a infomercial. But those things are intriguing to me. I would love to hear it from someone I know or someone not linked to the site.   I will watch to see if you get any response here. 

I hope we all have a relaxed fun filled New Years with great news in the near future!!  Positive thinking sent out to everyone!!!

Oh yeah,  I was on the vasectomy reversal site that Gumblossom told me about and they all speak very highly of the vitamin Fertilaid for men.  It might help with your husbands sperm.  We are going to try it also.  If I have to take a prenatal then so should he. :) 

[Stevi]

I thought this story would be of interest considering the recent discussion about prenatal testing... http://uk.ibtimes.com/articles/261548/20111205/trisomy-18-rick-santorum-daughter-bella.htm

[gumblossom]

Litmama, I am thinking of you and hoping and sending love for your little Bean. I hope you have good news soon. This experience must be very difficult, but it sounds like you are very strong.

BFN this am. Only 9dpo, I know, I know, it's early, but I'd rather be prepared for the BFN's mentally. I don't feel particularly pregnant, so I'm not surprised. I'm getting blood tests again to check where my estrogen, LH and FSH is at soon. Should I do day 3 or day 7 tests? I might have to suss this out. It looks like day three will be Saturday or Sunday, which means it is unlikely I'll be able to get the tests then anyway.I'm hoping the news won't be all bad, but then again, I'm expecting I'll be told I'm peri-menopausal. In which case I'll just carry on as I am now. Maybe I can have my estrogen supplemented? Do they do that, or is that HRT and would that rule out getting pregnant?

It's almost January and I should probably throw in the towel and kiss this dream good-bye, but I don't feel properly ready yet.

It's so hard to think that the end of my journey with this will be without a new babe - I always thought the end would be with a babe in arms...

Stevi, thankyou for that article, it was heart-warming.

[gumblossom]

Forgot to say, Waturmama, that I wanted to send love your way, as I really do understand how it feels when you approach your due date of a lost little one. It is sad and difficult. My little Louie was due at the end of this month, and I am so sad that I don't get to meet him.

On Christmas day I lit candles for all our lost babies. I know how loved each and everyone of them is.

[skeemama]

Stevi~thanks for posting the article.

[LitMama]

Gumblossom, I'm sorry you're feeling the loss of your dear babe and hope you get a happy New Year's surprise! 

amommyTTC, thanks for the thoughts about my RE's u/s skills (or possible lack thereof). I had a talk with the radiologist in the ER today who did my high resolution "formal" u/s today and she agreed... the docs do okay looking at the results, but don't know how to operate the dang machines.

Everyone... thank you so much for the support! 

Today was grueling... I started the day off racing to my regular doctor to pick up medical records (no mean feat) to bring to my AM appointment for a second opinion with that highly recommended gynecologist. She was GREAT. I immediately loved her and even after shelling out nearly $500 to see her, I wished I could jump ship and join her practice (not covered by my insurance). She was a great listener, had great questions and good ideas for us, and was also a personal friend of my TCM person and very supportive of acupuncture and herbs (in fact, she said I should be doing that). Her low-res u/s machine showed the same thing... no gestational sac, yet no indication of ectopic. She told me she thinks it's probably ectopic, recommended a shot of methotrexate today, and referred me for a high-resolution "formal" u/s at my hospital.

So, DH and I spent the whole day in ER having blood drawn, getting our formal u/s, waiting around, talking to lots and lots of docs and getting third and fourth opinions and agonizing over decisions. The formal u/s also showed no gestational sac, yet no indication of ectopic pregnancy. The ob/gyns we spoke with felt it's probably an invisible, asymptomatic ectopic but could also be an invisible abnormal intrauterine pg or even a so-far invisible normal intrauterine pg (though they felt that was highly unlikely). They felt strongly that we should wait a bit more, then come back for more blood work and u/s (on Sunday). They said that their "suspicion index" is very high that it's ectopic, but that when they look at my betas (now 2362) and my dates, I'm just now on the cusp of having a visible pregnancy. Thus, the agonizing wait. So, if Sunday's u/s still shows no gestational sac, the standard of care would be to first do a D&C which would terminate a possible abnormal intrauterine pregnancy but most importantly either confirm or rule out ectopic. The reason for wanting to confirm or rule out ectopic definitively is to possibly spare me the shot of methotrexate I would need for an ectopic (but not for an abnormal intrauterine) -- which is highly toxic, would make me quite ill, and and would also mean we would have to wait 3 MONTHS to try again (that sounds like the worst part to me). I've also read that it can do permanent damage to egg quality and ovarian reserve (although that's just anecdotal). So, I went into the hospital today firmly opposed to D&C and came out feeling like it could potentially be my friend. Of course, if the path results from the D&C showed there never was an intrauterine pg, then I would still need a shot of methotrexate. I called my TCM people in tears, asking them about this, and they said I should take the shot, that they would support my eggs and ovaries so they would be safe and healthy despite the exposure to a toxin.

So here I am at home... head spinning, on pins and needles, terrified of a ruptured tube, and yet unable to pull the plug just yet. DH is more worried about my health than I am, I think... I just keep thinking, "what if there's a baby in there, hiding from us?" I know the chance is slim, and I'm sort of riding on a razor's edge here, balancing my own well-being against the possibility of a slowpoke baby.

But for now the plan is to wait, look again on Sunday, and possibly pull the plug then. I'm agitated and anxious and exhausted and so, so sad.

I hear that longing for a simpler time... with my DD, I didn't even get betas and never saw a doctor until my 8th week. I sure wish I could have escaped that with this pg... if I had never done betas and seen that strange dip, which led to the first early u/s, yadda yadda yadda, I would simply be a joyously beaming pregnant woman awaiting her 8 week u/s. (Of course, I might also be a woman in emergency surgery for a ruptured tube...). I do feel nostalgic for that time when it was assumed all was well until proven otherwise.

[WaturMama]

(((hug))) Gumblossom.  Little Louie.

Did we all share that article I read that there are cells from all your babies in your body, even the ones that you miscarry and they can help keep you healthy? I can't remember if we shared it. If not, I'll find it again. I find it so comforting in so many ways. If that is any comfort to you, Gumblossom, there it is.