Waturmama and Lit mama, I'm so sorry you are both feeling low too. It seems so unfair that we can't have our heart's desire when it is such a natural desire,and one that should be easily realised and is for so many others.
Right now I am thinking the best way for me to move forward is to try to stop doing anything that involves tracking and observing fertility. So I have thrown away to thermometer, will stop the charting,and won't be using opk sticks. That way I won't be aware of timing BDing. So,if I do get pregnant again it will a surprise - a genuine one. So I'll leave it in the lap of the gods.
I think coming here actually helps, as I'm not the only one going through this,and ultimately,I do still want a pregnancy and baby. I'll try to keep an open mind and an open heart,and believe that if it is meant to be, it will be.
I heard an interesting quote on the radio the other day, but can't remember it exactly. It was something like - it may feel that your journey is going in the wrong direction, but you will always end up where you are meant to be. I think that requires a level of acceptance that I'm not quite ready for.Perhaps I'm heading that way, but I don't really want to.
I'm actually taking the DHEA again, as I think it might help, and I don't want to throw it away after spending money on it. I'm on another site with 40+ women ttc, and a friend there is now 20 weeks pregnant, after three miscarriages and two chemicals. She took DHEA for 8 months, so I do wonder if that helped the quality of her eggs, as she had testing and it seems nothing was picked up. She is 44.
I will still see my doctor, I have an appointment in a couple of weeks, and talk to her about the trouble I had trying to get progesterone. I think I'll ask her to write a prescription so that it's available to me if I should need it. I do actually worry that it might have prevented this miscarriage, but then again, I think the bleeding happened because the pregnancy was over, not the other way around.At least if I do use the progesterone, I have given it the best chance.
I feel a bit silly for having ordered two bottles of progesterone cream, and two of welcome womb herbs, which still haven't arrived. Such a waste of money! I guess I'll use the cream anyway, if I have any idea of when I've Oed, and the herbs may still get a use...
I'd like to think about it less, but how to do that? I'm extremely busy - I'm a working mum and have plenty of commitments, but the longing is always there and I think about it constantly.
Hang in there ladies, perhaps our dream is just around the corner...