I've been keeping a low profile, trying to move on from ttc. After the last rollercoaster loss, I realise that I am tired of living my life in increments, and I feel discouraged - that it just isn't meant to be.
However, I haven't completely given up as I am in with a chance this month and I'm 9/10 dpo at the moment. I have had some symptoms, but I know that can be misleading.
It will be my last month ttc, as we have an overseas holiday planned for July next year, and I can't have a newborn, or be heavily pregnant for that. Last time we had an overseas trip planned and booked I was 7 months pregnant with my son and couldn't go, so the family went without me( we couldn't change it). It was a miserable two weeks for me, and I don't want that to happen again. I know my cycle well enough to avoid fertile time. Once the time that affects our holiday is up, I don't know if I'll go back to ttc.I'll reassess after my 46th birthday in November.
I actually feel more ready than ever to leave ttc behind and move on. I never thought I'd get to this point, especially after the losses - I thought the only way back to happiness was through having a baby. Time has helped me feel better and to realise that the next phase of life isn't so bad. My DS is now 4, so independent, and it does give my DH and I a new freedom, which we are enjoying.
But, as you know, I'd take a pregnancy and healthy baby in a heartbeat if it came my way
Waturmama, thinking of you, and sending love as you remember your spirit baby.