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Warm Winter Wishes and BFP's 40 ++ TTC - Page 5

post #81 of 712

saoirse - AWW!  So cute! 

 

 

halifax - precious pic of your little one.  I'm so hoping to see such a picture in a couple weeks.   I can't help but have a fear/hope mix of emotions when I walk in the ultrasound room.   DH will be with me at least.

post #82 of 712

I am curious what people do if they get a nuchal fold scan that is bad? I know that having a baby with downs syndrome is harder than having an average child, but it still can be so rewarding and delightful! 

 

My temp took a nose dive today, and 9 dpo my tests are negative.. Saw a glimmer of a line yesterday but nothing today :( Kinda thought since my temps were higher this month, maybe that was a good sign.

 

Not sure I will keep trying, I am 47, and pretty sure my window is almost shut.. 

 

Thanks for the well wishes

post #83 of 712

Completely off the track...did anyone see that the 4th wife on Sister Wives on TLC is having a home birth???? 

Wow.

Very Cool.

post #84 of 712

amommyTTC- Regarding your nuchal scan question:

 

This U/S (or more commonly combined U/S and bloodwork), does not just assess for risk of Down Syndrome (Trisomy 21), it can also show increased risk for other trisomies and chromosomal issues such as Trisomy 13, 18, Triploidy, etc, some of which are 100% fatal or have severe health problems and very poor prognosis. Increased NT is common with a number of issues and other measurements taken during the scan can also show growth restriction that may occur with certain serious chromosomal issues. This scan can also detect issues like anencephaly (absence of a large part of the brain and the skull). Down Sydrome is of course less straight forward than some of the chromosomal issues that are truly not compatible with life, a large percentage miscarry naturally, but a number do survive and of those some will have severe health issues and/or severe developmental issues, and some will be very high functioning with few health issues and the ability to become independent adults, there is no way to know which of these categories your baby might fit, and any decisions made with a diagnosis would be very personal. Anyway the main thing I wanted to post is that the test screens for more issues than Down Syndrome, so many people find it useful testing. Of course this scan is only screening (gives odds), if the odds look bad then one can decide to find out with certainty via CVS or amnio, look for further markers at anatomy scan around 18-20 weeks, or simply take a wait and see approach.

 

3surfboys - I was very nervous as well (given my past history), but it ended up being a wonderful, happy experience to see our little one dancing around. I look forward to hearing about yours :-)


Edited by halifax40 - 12/5/11 at 1:36pm
post #85 of 712

At 44, i was offered all of these tests but declined them. I was offered them with my first child and 2nd, and  again now. I have never been pregnant and not considered 'high risk'due to my age.

 

 

So for me its simple, i decline the tests, because i cant imagine a scenario where i would terminate.  I figured any problems that would require advance preparation would come up in the 20 week ultrasound.

 

There werre no soft markers, or any indicators of something wrong at my 20 week ultrasound.

 

33 weeks now btw

 

 

 

post #86 of 712

contactmaya- So glad your pregnancy is going so well. You are getting close! :-)

 

As I mentioned, such choices are very personal and lots of factors can come into play. For myself I have had felt a need to know, especially after losing our little girl to Triploidy (100% fatal) at almost 19 weeks, that was my first pregnancy at 40 years old. Since then I have had three miscarriages that have likely been random chromosomal issues as well, my history has not left me confident of being on the good side of the statistics.  Testing is right for some people and not for others, my previous post was simply for those who think that the screening is only to look for Down Syndrome. There are lots of chromosomal issues that can occur and even though the odds are in ones favor of all being fine, (even at our age) there are some of us that unfortunately end up being the "one".

post #87 of 712

I guess for me I figure if the life is meant to be, even if the baby has issues, then that life is worth enjoying. Of course even if you know your baby has triploidy you can't do anything about it, you are either going to miscarry early or have a late term m/c, either way the decision is something that happens naturally. 

 

I comment because I have been in this situation, faced with a baby who had a 10% chance to live, and the option to terminate and "spare" myself the heartache of having a child with health issues, we choice to give our daughter life, however long she lived, whether it would be one breath, days or weeks, it was not up to us to decide her course. 

She lived for 29 days, and we spent that time looking at her, gathering information about her features, and generally getting to know this little being that was place on this Earth, for a special reason. 

Most babies with trisomy 21 are not born with severe physical issues, yes the mental issues can be profound, but that doesn't mean their lives are any less meaningful than our own. 

I tend to believe that even the seemingly genetically healthy child can turn out to be profoundly retarded, disabled or have health issues, I have seen this many many times. Our daughter did not have a genetic condition, but eventually secumbed to her physical abnormality. 

My friend has a son with DS, he is 12, and has some issues, behavioral, is on the autism spectrum, and mostly just things that go along with having an extra chromosome.. BUT out of her seven children she would not have traded him for the world, not for a genetically perfect child, or any other child....Because he has taught her so much about unconditional love, being special and worthwhile even if you don't have a high IQ, and generally all the things that make us wonderfully made.. Not always are the answers clear as to why some people are born with issues, and some are not, BUT none of us is perfect, there is not one of us who does not have our own set of issues.. 

For me, I have depression, 2 of my sons have Aspergers, my 11 yr old almost died due to a placental abruption and was dev delayed and still has speech issues.. None of which we had prior knowledge of. 

I think because we all struggle so hard to conceive, it bothers me that we don't just enjoy what we are given, instead of trying to have a "perfect" baby. 

 

I just think that every life deserves a chance. 

post #88 of 712

I am so sorry for your loss by the way Halifax, I know how difficiult losing a baby can be!! 

post #89 of 712

About the to-test-or-not issue... I've never been in these shoes (my DD was born when I was 32, so all we did was some very basic bloodwork). However I do have friends who have been down this road. I just want to point out that having the option to terminate rather than "going through a funeral" (in the words of my friend whose baby had a 100% fatal condition) is valid and important. My friend made this choice because it was the best, most compassionate choice for her family and for her own dear mama's heart that had suffered a great deal already. Of course it did not "spare her" -- there was still plenty of heartache. But it was what felt right to her from her own innate wisdom.

 

So, I guess my wish is that regardless of spiritual beliefs or personal convictions -- everyone here can hold a safe and loving space for mamas who choose to test and who have gone through what Halifax and my friend have gone through.

 

I'm grateful to Halifax for offering us all some helpful information about testing. And regarding the responses to her post -- of course I welcome hearing about everyone's different processes with this, but I do think that a debate about the definition of life probably belongs on the spirituality boards rather than here. I really cherish the safe place this has always been for all mamas to share what they're going through, and I worry that such a discussion will inevitably have a divisive, polarizing effect and will shut down the open, safe feeling here.  


Edited by LitMama - 12/6/11 at 8:01am
post #90 of 712

If I am lucky enough to get be in the position to be offered those tests, I will refuse them. I would rather not know, and therefore not have to even think about such options.

post #91 of 712

The vast majority (90+%) of women who get positive tests for Down Syndrome terminate.  I respect that choice.

post #92 of 712
Quote:
Originally Posted by fuller2 View Post

The vast majority (90+%) of women who get positive tests for Down Syndrome terminate.  I respect that choice.



I respect it, too. Thanks for pointing out the stats, Fuller.

post #93 of 712

Fuller2...   That is so sad... :(

post #94 of 712

I don't think you can know what you would do until you are faced with the decision - at least that is my experience.

 

When I was pregnant with my DS, I was 41. I had screening test (bloods and nuchal scan) done around 12 weeks. We were told we had a 1:178 chance of trisomy 13 or 18. So we were sent for an amnio, because I just wanted to know, so I could be prepared.

 

Before the amnio, the ultrasonographer ( the best specialist in fetal medicine in my state) had a thorough look, then asked me to empty my bladder before the amnio. When I came back, we asked the professor what she thought. She could tell, confidentally, that his brain and heart were normal, and it was highly unlikely that he had a trisomy. So we didn't do the amnio. It was such a relief - I was very afraid of miscarrying.

 

Since then I've miscarried twice, and despite knowing the first miscarriage was a trisomy, I am grateful to have had my baby that long, and would have been happy to carry him for as long as possible.

 

So now, I think I would I have the screening, but never have the amnio, rather I'd ask for a thorough ultrasound, and go from there.

 

I don't know if I could terminate. I couldn't say unless it actually happened to me. That bond with the baby is just so strong.

 

However I respect that everyone is different and has to decide what is right for them and their family.

post #95 of 712

I do understand that terminating a non compatible with life baby may have some validity, but Down's children's life are not worth it because they are damaged merchandise? Says a lot for our society.. What is next, babies who are screened for low IQ's, or other genetic selection.. The world is a beautiful place because we are all different, some of us are smart, some of us are talented with our hands, some of us are thoughtful but not book smart, and none of us have less worth than the other.. With or without a defective chromosome.. 

What about translocations or those things they don't test for?? I guess my point is, you can weed out for a "trisomy" but you cannot be assured a healthy baby, no matter what LIFE is not a guarantee..

 

What if like my 11 year old your babies placenta tears away and their is oxygen deprivation and they are profoundly delayed, cerebral palsy maybe, cant talk, cant walk, and yet what of this scenario? You can't put a pillow over that babies head, but yet we terminate a valid life because they have an extra chromosome.. Its just too easy! 

 

When we TTC we take the risk and we just because we get a line on a pregnancy test it is no guarantee of how our child will turn out later.. What about autism, something you don't find out until your child is 3 or so, what do you do with them then? Just as devestating, in fact probably more so than downs syndrome, yet we don't toss them aside.. 

 

It's just food for thought, that life is precious even if a baby is given an extra chromosome, they are still loveable and deserve to be cared for! 

post #96 of 712
Thread Starter 

I appreciate that we all have very personal opinions and thoughts on this matter but I am really going to ask that we follow Litmama's suggestion that we not become divisive here. Perhaps the spirituality board would be a better place. These are very personal decisions that every woman and her partner need to decide on their own and that personal aspect needs to be respected. We do all try very hard to TTC and it's a very personal path we take to get here. I hope we all recognize that this is a safe place where everyone's choices are respected. 

post #97 of 712
Quote:
Originally Posted by halifax40 View Post

Hi everyone, just dropping in to say a quick hello. Had my NT scan 6 days ago and it went very well (just waiting on B/W results now), little one was dancing around and posing like crazy and the measurements looked good. Feeling more hopeful now that all will be fine this time. Here is our U/S photo:

 

NTscan2.jpg


love.gifHalifax, that is wonderful news!! Wow that little bean has a sweet profile!! Yay hopeful!! It gives me great hope to hear these happy ultrasound stories. Thank you for coming by. Lots of good pregnancy wishes heading northeast to you...goodvibes.gif

 

AFM, I'm having a heavy, clotty AF, which has me leaning more towards the 17 day lp/chemical pg theory. While it is immensely frustrating to think of having another chemical pregnancy, (that's at least 2 this year, plus 2 miscarriages--I've lost count) I do know it is very positive we are getting pregnant. I hope the RE next week can help me find and get over whatever hurdle there is. My success rate seems to be lower than even our grim predictions.

 

If, goddess willing, I get to face these decisions again, I would go for u/s screening. Amnio is tricky for me. The idea of doing anything that could increase the rates of m/c is pretty unappealing, even if it is small. So I doubt I'd do that. But yes to the u/s. I doubt we'd terminate (but who knows I have not stood there), but I'd want it for the information. I'm the kind of person who likes to do thorough research when something is important to me. If my baby had a health issue I'd rather research it before he/she is born. I have two friends who've had surprises when their baby was born--one with a cleft lip and palate, the other with Downs syndrome. They both say they barely remember their baby's infancy because they were so busy educating themselves and adjusting to the unexpected reality. The one w/the cleft lip and palate wishes she'd known ahead. The one with the Downs syndrome baby is glad she didn't because she thinks she would have terminated if she'd known, and she is very glad she didn't. If my new little new had a serious health issue, I'd want to be as prepared as possible.

 

Also I'm wanting to protect the sweet supportive space we have here. Let's be very careful to not cross the line into judging others. If you want to debate a topic, please take it somewhere else. I do think it is fitting to just find out where others stand on an issue here, and what information they have to offer. It can be hard to read tone in posts, but I think we're doing pretty well with that. I just thought saying it might help.

 

 

 

post #98 of 712
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kristin0105 View Post

I appreciate that we all have very personal opinions and thoughts on this matter but I am really going to ask that we follow Litmama's suggestion that we not become divisive here. Perhaps the spirituality board would be a better place. These are very personal decisions that every woman and her partner need to decide on their own and that personal aspect needs to be respected. We do all try very hard to TTC and it's a very personal path we take to get here. I hope we all recognize that this is a safe place where everyone's choices are respected. 




yeahthat.gif

post #99 of 712

I like this new's feed because I thought at the age of 39 I was too old to have a baby :-( .... But you women have given me hope and I feel encouraged.... But the last feed's have scared me terribly!!

 

 

post #100 of 712

Hi everyone :-)  Hope you are all having a good week.  I want to thank amommyttc and everyone who offered your thoughts and stories and well wishes about the pox vaccination.  I had my appt. with my new GP last week (who was great;she was smart, thorough and had a great bedside manner ) and after talking to her about it, I did opt to get the vax.  She said she thought one dose would give me sufficient immunity and was understanding of my wanting to speed things along since I'm hoping to TTC asap.  She rec'ed that I wait at least six weeks before TTC, which should, if my cycles stay on track, be perfect timing.  I did have a reaction to the vax, which was sucky....a rash on my face and some mild cold symptoms.  But from the stories I have now heard from lots of folks (including your story amommyttc), getting chickenpox as an adult can be really horrid.  Vaccinations kind of scare me, but in the end I was glad I went ahead and did it.

 

*hugs* to you gumblossom.  I'm sorry you have this hard anniversary coming up.  I can only imagine how difficult that is.  But here is wishing everyone lots of babydust and goodness for the coming weeks.  And congrats 3surfboys and halifax!

 

You know, I have two new little ones in my life right now:  My cousin's new baby (born Sept.7), and my SIL just had a baby girl last week (sadly my inlaws are all in England, so it will be a while before we can see the new little one).  And I'm more in awe than ever (I supposed esp. since I'm now trying) of this amazing process, and what an incredible, scary and simultaneously wonderful journey this is.  It makes me feel good that there is a supportive and understand forum here for all of us.  *hugs to all* and good vibes flowing out! <3

 

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