Can't make ends meet and going into debt further and further...

[sosurreal09]

DH is in school and graduating in May this year. I SAH parenting my 2 y/o and am pregnant and due in May...

We have one car and can not get rid of it (would cost thousands to get out of our lease and fix cosmetic damage) also we need the car. I feel like we have gotten rid of so much (moved out of our single family to a very small apartment, got rid of my car, gave up a lot of luxuries, like cell phones ect)

So here is our bills minimum in USD:

725 rent

362 car payment

 50 heat (gas) This is without using the heat/or very little and without heat assistance which we will be recieving

 50 electric

 72 house phone, cable, and internet (my sanity)

200 gas for the car DH drives 20 mins to work then 30 mins to school then 30-40 mins back home 4 days a week, otherwise just        work. I get the car 2/3 days a week and have to drop him off those days but he carpools to school and home those days.

200 for food (plus 160 in food stamps)

200 + credit cards

DH is out of the house 7am-10pm on school days and works weekends so I can't get a job opposite him.

On top of our bills DH smokes and spends roughly $150 a month on cigs and take out...which I can't seem to do anything about...

I haven't been too great with the spending lately but need to change that!

Our income is 1600-1850 a month (varies due to DHs hours)

We have about $10,000 in debt on credit cards and $200 in our savings.

[eirual]

Are you just sharing or asking for advice?

[rachieface]

First of all, hugs momma.  That sounds stressful!  It sounds like your husband is time and money short, and you feel trapped in the house too at times with no money and no car. That is hard. 

According to your calculations your bills are $1809, without any extras or the $150 your DH spends monthly.  So I assume that any extra bills during the times your husband makes closer to $1600 than $1850 are going on credit cards, right?  If that's the case, there really are only two solutions:  spend less or make more (or, preferably, both!)

Troubleshooting:

Rent - Can you move to an even smaller place?  Rent a larger apartment with some friends?  You really need the money. 

Car - When is your lease up?  Do NOT renew it when its done.  Don't lease.  Buy an ugly beater off of Craigslist for cheap.

Internet/Phone/Cable:  Do you need all three of these?  Even if you do, call around for a better deal.

Husband:  Tell him that you are not making enough money.  Quitting smoking is no joke, but he can at least cut the takeout.  Help him by making him meals every day, maybe? 

Can you sell anything extra you have on Craigslist?  Can you take in another child one or two days a week to make a few hundred dollars a month?  Do what you can to get by until your husband graduates in May, and (hopefully) gets a better job. 

[sosurreal09]

DUH realized there was no actual question! IDK what to ask even. Things are just so bad and money is so tight and IDK what to do!

Troubleshooting:

Rent - Can you move to an even smaller place?  Rent a larger apartment with some friends?  You really need the money. This is the smallest and cheapest place we could find, I am always looking and there has never been one apartment cheaper! We don't have any friends we could room with

Car - When is your lease up?  Do NOT renew it when its done.  Don't lease.  Buy an ugly beater off of Craigslist for cheap. We have 2 more years on the lease...

Internet/Phone/Cable:  Do you need all three of these?  Even if you do, call around for a better deal. It's a monopoly over here! We only have ONE company! I only wanted phone and internet but they said you have to get cable as well...we get a whopping 20 channels and pay $10 a month for it. I could just have the phone for $30 a month...I will just go completely insane with no outlet at all and yes no car, no money, and NO YARD b/c our cheapo apartment is on concrete only and it's a parking lot. We also live off of major routes and can't even go for a walk! We play outside in the parking lot when everyone is at work...

Husband:  Tell him that you are not making enough money.  Quitting smoking is no joke, but he can at least cut the takeout.  Help him by making him meals every day, maybe? I could do this and I have done it. I started making him breakfast burritos and lunches and making extra for dinner, he bought takeout anyway and either left the food at work, share with with someone else, or brought it home...IDK how to make him quit smoking! We have a whole box of patches and he just won't do it! It is hard b/c I totally get he is stressed out and working so hard but you can't get blood from a stone!

As for babysitting i would LOVE to do that but IDK anyone willing b/c they have family to do it for free or they are a SAHM...I try to sell things on craiglist as well.

Thanks for the reply!

[crunchy_mommy]

Yikes. The only things I can think of are:

Consolidate any credit cards & see if you can get lower payments or lower interest rate.

Sit down with DH & show him the financial issues so he can see that his $150 on cigarettes & takeout is just not in the budget. See if he can limit his budget severely here, no takeout & only the bare minimum of cigs until he can quit.

Try calling the cable company to see if they have any deals for people in financial hardship (I read about some program where students with financial hardship could get internet for $10 a month or something... and since DH is in school, you guys might qualify!) If you research the program first and you don't think you'll qualify, try telling them you want to cancel your service & maybe they'll give you a deal to keep you as a customer? This has worked for several people I know... Also look into alternatives like Magic Jack and dial-up internet like People PC which is under $10/month.

Can your DH find a better-paying job?

Could you do other things from home? Find a WAH job or sell things online? Can you post on CL for babysitting services? I'm sure there are people out there who need a sitter, just because your friends & family don't need anyone, that doesn't mean NO ONE needs anyone, there must be people out there who need you!!

What about DH taking the bus to work/school? If there is public transportation... Then you'd save a lot on gas at least, even if you can't get rid of the car...

Has your DH looked into financial aid/stipends/etc.? I don't know if it's too late but if he has one semester left maybe there's still time...

[eirual]

What is maternity leave like in your ....State? In Canada we get 12 months so it's worth going back to work so you qualify for that employment inusrance. Is that at all an option?

I would consider finding extra income whether that means you getting a job or DH doing something on the side.

1) Find out your networth (take everything you owe and subtract that from everything you own)....knowing exactly where you stand is a good place to start.

2) Put together a budget and spend everything you have on paper before you spend it in real life

3) Pick up Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover....it will motivate the cr@p out of you and tell you exactly where to start and what to do next to maximize your efforts.

GOOD LUCK, mama!!!

[zebra15]

So your DH makes about $10/hr.  Would it work out better for you to get a job and your DH to stay home?  Your DH could watch the kids and do his school work and you would work during the day/weekends.  IDK where you are at but I'm on the west coast and tons of offices need early shifts to mirror the east coast hours so 5-6am start times.

If you want to do inhome daycare, post on craigslist.  That is where I found my sitter.

[Imakcerka]

You can't get any help with rent?  He makes less than 20 thousand a year there must be something. 

[Imakcerka]

http://www.needhelppayingbills.com/html/get_help_paying_rent.html

[sosurreal09]

Well that is his net pay, he made $26,000 last year and gets $12 an hour. I certainly wouldn't make more than him (we are young, I don't have any degrees or anything)

With DHs hours and school I don't see how I could get a job or her could get a second....he is at work/school like all the time as it is!

I could post on CL about babysitting, I guess I am nervous about it b/c I don't have a car or a yard, my apartment is tiny and I'm pregnant but I suppose maybe someone would hire me.

Maternity leave is 6 weeks and you have to work the company for 1 year to get that! I was working when I got pregnant with DD and they laid me off b/c I was pregnant...and I tried to make a case of that but the state denied me. I was on unemployment until DD was almost 1 y/o though.

I could maybe get something really early at a coffee shop or something but the issue with that is the income would be used against us for the food stamps and the heat help and the insurance...so we would probably end up paying more and being screwed for health care....my state sucks

We are trying to improve our lives with DH going to school and getting a better job but we are going further and further into debt. He did get really good financial aide and I don't think we even have anything to pay off once he graduates b/c he went to a community college and we are so low income...

thanks for the help, I will check out that link!

[meetoo]

Could qualify for daycare aide and work once the baby comes? Also in my state any the income limit for heating and healthcare are quite generous. You will be a family of four soon. I can't imagine a min wage job would put you over the top......

On the smoking my DH bought a rolling machine and rolls his own filter smokes. It costs much less, he figures about 2$ a pack vs 8+ a pack. The machine he bought was about 50, but it was more then worth the investment! 

[sosurreal09]

Originally Posted by meetoo 

Could qualify for daycare aide and work once the baby comes? Also in my state any the income limit for heating and healthcare are quite generous. You will be a family of four soon. I can't imagine a min wage job would put you over the top......

On the smoking my DH bought a rolling machine and rolls his own filter smokes. It costs much less, he figures about 2$ a pack vs 8+ a pack. The machine he bought was about 50, but it was more then worth the investment! 

I have been on the subsidized daycare waiting list for 1 yr and a half for DD...nothing yet.

I just found out there is a place about 45 mins away (but we have family there and visit usually once a month) that will roll 200 cigs for $20 which seems like a good deal!

I talked to DH about quitting and he said "soon" *sigh*

[meetoo]

Originally Posted by sosurreal09 

I just found out there is a place about 45 mins away (but we have family there and visit usually once a month) that will roll 200 cigs for $20 which seems like a good deal!

I talked to DH about quitting and he said "soon" *sigh*

ya I've given up on that lol. He'll quit when he is ready. What he did was take his weekly smoke budget, buy the machine and filters and tobacco for that week. It came to about what he was spending on smokes anyway so it' didn't feel like it costed anything. Now he is spending like 10-15 a week on smokes. 

[chiromama01]

hugs to you, I know you must be so stressed out.  As for trouble shooting, could you take out an emergency student loan to get you through till May??? We had to do that while I was a student, and it really does take some of the pressure off.  we went to cash spending for luxuries like take out, so maybe give DH a certain amount of money each week, cash, and when it's gone, it's gone.  he'll learn to budget and you will be less stressed about not being able to control his spending.  taking in other kids once or twice a week may help too, or even going to another mom's house so you could get a change of scenery... maybe there's another student/mother who could use your help?? maybe even one with a backyard if your extra lucky :)

i hope things settle down soon for you and May comes quickly!!

[sosurreal09]

So I just got an offer in the mail for a credit card with no interest until 2013....Do you think I should apply and transfer my interest credit balance onto it?

We could see about a loan.

This is all very stressful for sure!!!

[Siennaflower]

Could you move closer to either work or school to save on gas?  Does the school have family housing?

[anyalily]

Sosurreal, I would only do that if you can figure out a way to pay it down by then. That is how we manage our small amounts of debt, but if you can't pay it off, I would look into a chapter 13 bankruptcy. I don't know much about it, but I know it is basically restructuring of debt where the credit cards are consolidated and the bank takes an offer that is less than the whole amount. I would start there.

Good luck!

[SunRise]

I was just following along, and thought of electronic cigarettes... concerning the smoking. Have you heard of these? I saw one for 25 dollars and then one needs to replace the puffer thing once in a while.

Concerning the interest free credit card... it may be of some help but the new card may not give you a big enough line of credit to transfer all of your money, it may only take 1000. And then your debt is split around but at least one would be interest free.

[sosurreal09]

Originally Posted by Siennaflower 

Could you move closer to either work or school to save on gas?  Does the school have family housing?

We tried but all the apartments are hundreds more...the school does not have housing at all.

[AnkaJones]

Hi,

Sounds like you're getting a lot of great advice, but it also sounds like you've already thought of a lot of this and are already trying just about everything to stay above water, so I'm going to point something out -- your situation is temporary.  It sounds from your first post like your husband is graduating in May.  When that happens, you won't be paying tuition, he'll have more time freed up, and he'll have a degree and may be able to get a higher paying job.  While right now you're pregnant, in some months you'll have the baby and be recovered, and be able to think again about taking in some other children and making some extra cash that way.  In short, your life is going to look a lot more managable in six months to a year!

Right now, I would focus on minimizing as much as possible the debt you're going into, make the debt the "best debt" you can get (yeah, it sucks, but get one of those 0% introductory APR rates that only last a year, and use it as little as possible).  As far as the cigarettes, that would be a nonstarter for me.  It's money you guys just don't have, and it's health that he can't get back.  He needs to man up and be the father your children need.  I speak as a former smoker who quit because she didn't have the money any more.  I know it's hard, but even if he tapers down to one cig a day and quits for a few weeks, then starts back up again because of stress or whatever... it's still better than never having tried.  It takes an average of seven times before quiting sticks -- you just gotta keep quitting.

Best,

Anka