Should I ignore this or say something?

[Neera]

I was picking up dd from school today and a boy from her class calls out to her and says, "Bye... Because I hate you." I was shocked to say the least. I didn't know what to think of it. I notice it's not his mother but some other woman with him. The mother doesn't speak much English so not sure if the person with him could or couldn't understand what he said. So, I probe dd a little whether they had a fight and whether they generally get along. Dd said things were fine and that maybe he doesn't know the meaning of 'hate,' although she says his English is fine. I am really wondering whether he was just being bold and disregarded my presence or it was an innocent remark. The kids in her class are either 5 or close to 5 years of age. Should I mention it to his mother the next time? I don't even know if she will understand what I am saying.

Edited by Neera - 11/15/11 at 5:50am

[meemee]

so your dd has never told you she hates you?

from a 5 year old ... nah i would ignore it. 

its an age thing that they use at that time. yeah 5 is a bit old to say that but considering the language barrier there might be something to it. 

i am going to go and say innocent remark right now. 

watch out and see if he does it more and more. 

maybe your dd can ask him what he meant? why did he say hate as that is a v. strong word. 

but in that age group - why even a little older - that term does not surprise me at all. 

[Boot]

My son his 4 1/2 and he is going through the stage of saying for example 'I HATE cheese, it's DISGUSTING'. He doesn't say it about people but last year there were a few 4 1/2 to 5 year olds in his class who told him they hated him or other children. I honestly think it's just their way of expressing a negative emotion at that moment i.e. 'I don't like the taste of cheese' or 'I don't want to play with you, you're annoying me'. I would say in a calm, neutral way to dd that hate isn't a nice word to use about people and it could hurt their feelings but not make too big a deal of it. It will pass and it obviously isn't really bothering her. 

[Neera]

No.

Originally Posted by meemee 

so your dd has never told you she hates you?

[Neera]

Thanks. Dd will say that by saying something or someone is frustrating her. It is possible he recently learned it and wanted to use it on someone because he was smiling as well.
 

Originally Posted by Boot 

My son his 4 1/2 and he is going through the stage of saying for example 'I HATE cheese, it's DISGUSTING'. He doesn't say it about people but last year there were a few 4 1/2 to 5 year olds in his class who told him they hated him or other children. I honestly think it's just their way of expressing a negative emotion at that moment i.e. 'I don't like the taste of cheese' or 'I don't want to play with you, you're annoying me'. I would say in a calm, neutral way to dd that hate isn't a nice word to use about people and it could hurt their feelings but not make too big a deal of it. It will pass and it obviously isn't really bothering her. 

[tbone_kneegrabber]

Unless your kid was upset by it, I wouldn't even let it phase me.  I am around a lot of little kids and frankly "hate" is not a very strong word!  Adults find it strong, but kids "hate" lots of stuff.  

Ds has picked up "i hate you" from some friends when he means "i'm frustrated or disappointed about xyz that you are making me do/ not allowing me to do"  

[pianojazzgirl]

Not a biggie IMO... unless your dd was upset (which it sounds like she wasn't).  Kids that age often use all kinds of extreme words to make their point.  Also, you said that he was smiling... sounds like it was maybe a "joke" (for a kid that age anyway!).  My ds is younger (turned 4 last month), but he would totally "joke" like that (in fact I think he has in that exact way!).

[nextcommercial]

My almost five year old daycare kids say "poop" or any form of of the word as often as possible.  They hug each other goodbye and say "By poopiehead" or "Bye Poopie Lovie Butt".  I think kids just like saying "naughty words".  They crack themselves up with naughty words. 

[One_Girl]

If your DD doesn't think anything else is going on between them I think it is fine to ignore it. Keewep am ear out for more between them though just in case . It is a word that kids this age like to experiment with.

[transylvania_mom]

I would say something directly to the child, like: "This is not a nice thing to say to someone". If the caregiver has a problem with it, she should discipline the child herself.

Hate is a strong word, in my opinion, and although it might be common with 5 y/o, it doesn't make it more acceptable. "I hate you" is far from "I hate cheese".

I would also like my dd to see that I'm standing up for her, and she shouldn't let anyone treat her badly.

[~cassie]

Yea not too big of a deal.  At that age there is a ton of experimenting with words and seeing a reaction.  He may not even know what it means(I know my kids didn't at that age).

[Just1More]

Pretty minor, I think, as you mentioned he was smiling.  We used to say stuff like, "I'm going to kill you," to each other when we were kids.  I think I'd pass out if I heard one of my kids say that.  But I do agree that grownups have a whole set of things we add to any given word.  Kids just use words, and they'll use the strongest one they know sometimes to experiment, or just from innocence.

[Neera]

I didn't know if it was appropriate to talk to the child when he was with his caretaker. I don't allow dd to say it. She can be a defiant child but she hasn't gone against that rule. Well, the child apologized to dd yesterday.

Quote:

Originally Posted by transylvania_mom 

I would say something directly to the child, like: "This is not a nice thing to say to someone". If the caregiver has a problem with it, she should discipline the child herself.

Hate is a strong word, in my opinion, and although it might be common with 5 y/o, it doesn't make it more acceptable. "I hate you" is far from "I hate cheese".

I would also like my dd to see that I'm standing up for her, and she shouldn't let anyone treat her badly.

[transylvania_mom]

Originally Posted by Neera 

I didn't know if it was appropriate to talk to the child when he was with his caretaker. I don't allow dd to say it. She can be a defiant child but she hasn't gone against that rule. Well, the child apologized to dd yesterday.

Quote:

I know what you mean. I would have probably reacted the same way you did, and would have thought of something to say long after the fact.

I'm glad to hear he apologized to your dd.