I'm wondering if I have been having unrealistic expectations. It wouldn't be the first time. So Elliott is 3 1/2 months now. Prior to his birth and even shortly after, I had assumed that by this point I would be back to a routine of walking with the dog twice a day. I thought I'd have a clean house since I'd be home all day. I thought I would be exercising, have a nice dinner ready each night, etc, etc. I know this sound like June Cleaver expectations, but the thing is that I honestly believe all these things would be happening if it wasn't for my freakin' boob problems. Elliott is such a good baby that I don't have the common problems of having trouble putting him down or him not sleeping and things like that. I want to take walks, but physical exertion has always made the mastitis flare.
I feel cheated. I feel cheated out of the reality I thought I would be living at this point. However, I am now wondering if my expectations were too high or unrealistic. I have read that some of you aren't going out all that much and it made me think that maybe I'm not being cheated and this is just typical for the first 3 months even if the reason I'm more housebound is because of mastitis and not because of the common reasons. I do all the grocery shopping, laundry, all of Elliott's care, and cleaning. So I am doing errands and getting out of the house. Twice a month I go to mom and babies group. Once a month I go to a LLL meeting. I also started going to a storytime thing at the library with some of my "mom and baby" friends.
So do you think I need an attitude adjustment? Today I was just having one of those "woe is me" days about it all. I'm so sick of thinking about my boobs. I just stopped antibiotics last Wednesday and the longest I have gone without a flare up when not on abx is 7 days. So DH and I are paranoid about it coming back. He's at the store as I type trying to keep me from doing too much. I hate being housebound though. I feel well enough to do lots of things, but then the mastitis flares up. I'm hoping it's gone this time, but I doubt it since the boob is still pink. I can't be on antibiotics anymore though. They caused insomnia so bad which is just starting to get better. I wonder if it's causing my joint pain too. I've been on abx for well over a month and a half combined. I'm just so bummed and frustrated with the boob issues. I had a few days of feeding Elliott that didn't hurt and it was so great. I can still feed him right now without having to stamp my feet and grit my teeth, but it's not pain free yet. I just feel like I've been denied that specialness since much of the time feeding him over the past 3 months has been me just trying to get through the session because of the pain.
Okay, I should just shut up now. I'm probably just tired. Plus Elliott has had the runs since Thursday and I've been changing dipes ALL DAY. My hands are chapped from washing them so much. Maybe it's just a bad day because I know I was loving feeding him earlier this week when it didn't hurt. I'm so scared to live my life because I'm afraid of more mastitis. :(
Man, my posts are always so long. Sorry. Guess I vent you my peeps too much. :)