DS's answers to "do you want to do ___ or do you want to do ____" are usually "no." I'll either tell him "if you don't choose, mama will make the choice for you" (the answer to that is also "no." or I will try to make a point as to what the word "no" really means.
"Do you want to put this shirt(red) on, or do you want this shirt(blue)?"
"No? You don't want to wear the blue shirt? Ok, lets put the red shirt on then!"
(DS struggles because he really didn't want to wear ANY shirt, but too bad, cause we're going outside!)
If he can choose whether we/he go outside or not, I will give him that choice too. Sometimes his "no!" means, "I don't care for either of those choices, I want a different choice, or I would rather stay like this" (meaning, he's still playing, or he's doesn't want lunch yet, or he prefers to run around naked)
Also, sometimes at that age, saying "no" constantly isn't a response to a question, but just a really fun word to say. Say it a few times and you'll get what I'm saying. "No, no, no, no!"
I reread your OP. Definitely give choices when you can, since it might encourage him to listen at times when it is necessary to listen. But when my DS is adamant about NOT getting into the car/carseat or not holding my hand when we cross the street, etc. I analyze the situation. Do we need to leave right this instant? Can we take a break to calm down for a second? How bad will it be if we do what he is asking to do? Half the time, DS refuses to hold my hand in the parking lot, so I taught him that the cars come really fast (we stood on the curb and watched the cars go by) and we need to make sure that there aren't any coming. In the parking lot, he either holds my hand, I hold his hand(or keep my hand on his head), or I carry him.