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if you went to an OB just for pre-natal care...

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 

to the moms who went to an OB just for pre-natal care, how and when did you break it off with them? were you honest about your plan to UC or did you make something up? what was your plan if your UC did not work out and you had to go to the hospital?

i'm super torn on how to go about my situation. i'm one day shy of 35 weeks and want to stop going to my OB soon (everything is A+ normal and i don't want anyone going near my cooch!) but don't know how to go about it because i'm the really quiet and pushover kind :( i have not been honest with her just because i don't want to deal with any judgements or trouble. if i continue to let my OB think i'm  planning to have my baby in the hospital, i feel like i'd have to go the 'oops' route and i really don't want to have to do that because i feel like for that to be believable, i'd have to go to the hospital right after the birth. if you've gone the oops route without going to the hospital, please share your story! i have all the forms/paperwork needed to register my baby's birth so i really don't have a reason to go to the hospital at all if everything goes smoothly. all i want to do is enjoy my baby after she is born but i'm stressing on these details.

i still have to register for the hospital and am more than willing to transfer if something doesn't feel right but i'm concerned about the reaction i would receive when they ask me who my OB is and i have to say "i don't have one because i broke up with her 2 weeks ago". i guess i'm really having trouble sorting my thoughts and have not been able to come to a decision in weeks.

just curious about how other moms have gone about it so i can get some ideas.

post #2 of 11

I have not done this yet, but I am planning to do it in April.


Here is my plan. I will just keep going to appointments. I had a 3 week over due baby so I would like to be able to have access to care for non stress tests. I will not be pressured into an induction, let them drop me! I will continue to decline pelvic exams or any testing I do not agree with, I'm building a track record for that now. My 2 kids will be with me for appointments so I feel strong about walking out should there be an in office appointment that builds to a you need to transfer to the hospital to be induced ASAP. I need to park the kids some where right?


As long as things are going well, I plan to go into labor at home, not make any calls and have the baby. Should I need to transfer I will call and labor just got going and something feels wrong here I come. Should I need to transfer after birth, then it will be a labor moved so fast and then I was pushing and I refused to get in the car but something is wrong here we come type thing, or worst case we call 911.


I'll cancel any future appointments because I had the baby, let them fire me, who cares at that point.


I will handle the babes birth certificate and social like I did the last babe who was a home birth attended by an illegal, out of state midwife. We called it a UC and had no problems.

post #3 of 11

Congratulations on your choice to birth your own child! I am in Oregon and I know different places treat this situation differently but this is my experience. I saw my doctor until 27 weeks and then just quit going to my appoinments. I didnt plan on seeing that doctor afterwards so I didnt have to worry about anything being awkward or being questioned. I never informed him of my decision before hand. I would ignore the phone calls because I didnt know what to tell them. It worked out great. I had my birth at home with my hubby, it went very successful. I took my daughter to the hospital when she was 10 days old to get the bloodwork done and scheduled an appt with the local health dept for a "well baby newborn exam", for my In-Laws peace of mind. I was just very vague with the questioning. "was this planned? why havent you been to the hospital?" I answered "she came very quick and was healthy after the birth so I felt no need to go to the hospital, if any signs would have presented themselves that she was not thriving, I would have taken her to be seen" I, too was very worried about the after-math, but to my surprise it was very simple. Just know you are not obligated to give them information on your beliefs, you can be vague. I just believed that everything would work out, and so far it has gone superbly. Good luck to you! :D

post #4 of 11

Uh, I'm pretty sure I birthed my own child, "even though" I had him at a hospital with trained care providers. If not I can't imagine what all that uterine cramping was about.

post #5 of 11

I just kept going to my appointments until I gave birth (at 36.5 weeks).  Since I had an appointment scheduled for the day after I gave birth, I just called them and told them I had my babies and to cancel my appointment.  Then I scheduled a PP visit.


When I went to that appointment, my OB was like, So you had them at home?  And I said yes and perhaps answered a few other questions (like how big were they, etc.)  He just kind of shook his head and said it was a risky thing to do but didn't say much else and still treats me the same.  He's seeing me for my current pregnancy and hasn't said anything about it, though he did ask me at my first appointment (12 weeks) if I had any questions concerning labor and delivery.  Lol.


Anyway, I'm probably just going to go that route again, or you could just stop making appointments. If you don't make a new appointment at the end of your last one, they generally don't call you and bother you about it, but that's just the hospital I go to.

post #6 of 11

for my first, I had regular OB prenatal and didn't tell them my plans.  When I thought i was getting close to delivery I just avoided making another prenatal appt (because I also felt I was a pushover and had this fear that I'd come in & be a couple cm dilated and they'd try to admit me. Lol) I think as I was leaving my last prenatal and they asked me what time would work next week, I just told them I wasn't sure & I'd call to schedule something (that also left things open incase I did have a concern I wanted to be seen for)  A couple weeks later, they called me concerned that I hadn't come in and I told them I had the baby at home & I just didn't feel like sharing ahead of time because I didn't want to face any judgement about it. they acted really understanding, but I could tell it was BS,


with #2 I felt strongly that I shouldn't have to lie about my perfectly valid decision to UC, but telling the truth turned my first prenatal appointment into a stupid arguement. The OB refused to see me anymore and sent me to a high risk dr for the rest of my pregnancy (we can only guess it was because she carried higher insurance??) it was a pretty crappy experience. I much preferred keeping it to myself. I think I just stopped making appointments around 36 weeks and no one called. I think they were just happy to be rid of me. that dr had clients who actually WERE high risk to take care of.


So the next time I became pregnant, I had different insurance and was able to see a group of midwives who work out of a local hospital, but I was really concerned about whether or not to tell them about our birth plans.  I ended up having an early miscarriage so my first appt with them was spend discussing that & of course they asked about my previous births.  when I told them about my experience with the previous OB they assured me they'd give me prenatal care for any future UC pregnancies.  Shortly after I became pregnant with my third son and they did prenatal care, which I think I ended around 37 weeks. That pregnancy was my longest (40wks +6 days) and I'd have probably called for a NST if it'd gone on much longer, so that's another reason leaving things open-ended with an OB might be beneficial.  If there's ANY reason you need/want to go in (in labor or before) you still have the relationship intact & you can show up without questions. If you can't be upfront from the beginning, I'm in favor of putting off appointments rather than dumping your dr.

post #7 of 11
Originally Posted by lia_joy View Post
 That pregnancy was my longest (40wks +6 days) and I'd have probably called for a NST if it'd gone on much longer, so that's another reason leaving things open-ended with an OB might be beneficial.  If there's ANY reason you need/want to go in (in labor or before) you still have the relationship intact & you can show up without questions. If you can't be upfront from the beginning, I'm in favor of putting off appointments rather than dumping your dr.

This, exactly.  It is nice to have an OB just in case, especially because then they have all of your information (and aren't strangers to you and your pregnancy) if you need to transfer to the hospital.  Plus, Medicaid pays for it all in my case, so I figure, why not.

post #8 of 11
Originally Posted by Almi View Post

This, exactly.  It is nice to have an OB just in case, especially because then they have all of your information (and aren't strangers to you and your pregnancy) if you need to transfer to the hospital.  Plus, Medicaid pays for it all in my case, so I figure, why not.



post #9 of 11

My third baby was born at home. I had always wanted a homebirth, but was too afraid to go through with it. With my 3rd I was in a midwifery care program at a military hospital. I made it clear that I wanted to go into labor naturally (although I would have caved at two weeks most likely). I did not tell them I wanted a homebirth. She was one week late, I had even had a nonstress test that morning. We actually called the hospital because part of being in the midwifery program was that I agreed to try everything else before getting an epidural. I was in pain, that's why we called. They wouldn't give a clear answer on whether I could have one or not, they just kept talking about blood work and "getting there" soon. I figured if I couldn't have the epidural, I might as well stay home. Best decision I ever made.


We did have to take the baby for a check up the next day, my ex-husband commanding officer demanded it. I went to the maternity ward, but they didn't know what to do with us. We sat there for an hour, before they told us, they couldn't check her and to go to the ER. The ER nurse was SO nice. She said she was perfect, and we were out within an hour. I declined being checked. I had torn, but I didn't want stitches (it grew back together).




post #10 of 11

I've had three unassisted homebirths - and three miscarriages.  With my first, my daughter, a friend from work recommended a local OB, and even though I was pretty sure I was going to have a homebirth, I went along with prenatal care.  It was pretty clear that they were anti-homebirth from the beginning - the practice wasn't even willing to consider a hospital waterbirth, even though the hospital offered them.  After I had my daughter at home, several friends from work insisted that I should call my doctor and request that I be "checked out", just to make sure I was okay.  Against my better judgment (and luckily I'd never consider doing this now), I called and informed them that I'd had my baby and would like a follow-up visit.  They freaked out completely and demanded I go to the hospital, which I refused.  They agreed to the appointment, which turned out to be pretty much designed to fire me as a patient, because they couldn't be responsible for someone who would take such risks.  She did do a brief, and rough, internal exam, during which a small tear that had been healing was reopened and never ended up healing properly.  I left in tears.  Should I have lied? Probably not, but didn't really know what else to do, either.


During my second pregnancy, I tried to use the family practice that I'd foudn, and that doctor did agree, at first, to allow me to do prenatal care with her...until I waived all testing.  I think the glucose tolerance was the final straw, and we agreed that I valued her as our family doctor, but would clearly not be able to continue prenatal care with her.  I asked if she would do a newborn exam for me, and she agreed.  So that's what I did - brought my son in a few days after birth and all was well with that relationship.  


When I became pregnant with my third, I didn't bother even telling her, although I was in for a visit with a sick child and mentioned another newborn exam, and she agreed.  When I came in with my third, her partner gave a us a lengthy lecture and graphic story of a baby who died because he didn't receive his Vitamin K injection.  Sigh.  Eventually our desire to not keep to a strict vaccination schedule meant that she refused to see us anymore anyway.


The doctor I'm using now has recently decided that she doesn't do prenatal care, which is fine.  I would be more comfortable if I could easily rule out twins, but I don't feel like there is an inexpensive way of doing that.  My last miscarriage ended after two months of bleeding, but not before I requested an ultrasound.  My doctor sent me to the hospital and they billed me over $1000, which I still can't pay.  


So I guess I would say that I would never, ever choose an OB again for shadow care, and frankly, even finding a family doctor willing to do just prenatal care would probably not work, at least in my region and with my refusal of most testing.  I don't feel like I can afford prenatal care through a midwife, nor do I think they are able to provide much more information about my pregnancy that I don't already know.


I like to daydream about living in a time and in a community where all women trusted their own bodies, and I wouldn't feel so alone.

post #11 of 11

I wanted to share something I learned from my medicare advocate.


MW/OB practices can bump me to the 1 and oly high risk practice in the area at anytime.


MW/OB practices can drop me at anytime before 30 weeks. No OB/MW practice will take me after 30 weeks.


From 30-40 weeks they can not drop me. I could sue them for abandonment if they did.


After 40 weeks, they can drop me for refusing to be induced (or any reason really.)



I found all of this out becuase I had to ask her what my rights were as a medicare patient. I have been having a really rough time at my practice. I have abasicly been treated as a giant lab rat that is only there to have labs drawn. Any test I question or refuse has gotten me lots of crap. Despite no real evidence for needing to do so (only the fact that I am 40 and had a 10 lb baby 8 years ago) I have been tested for diabetes at every visit. One of the tree midwives told me I was diabetic and did not know it even though my labs have all come back fine, low risk range for diabetes.


I have had all of the testing i felt I needed for peace of mind alrady. I know I am only growing 1 baby, who has all the right parts in all the right places. No soft markers for genetic problems, no heart defect (I have a child with down syndrom so I was a little worried, but not enough to do any definitive gentic testing.)


I would like to have some back up, mostly to do non stress tests in case I go over due 3 weeks again. I worry about a premie and transverse lie (for no particular reason).


But honestly, the amount of tress, the amount of sleep I have issed beacuse of the stress I have had worring about how I've been treted at this practice is not worth it. My only option for switching care is to go to the high risk doc, who I had an appointment with for an anatomy scan at 20 weeks and it was not a good visit.


I worry about not having standard prenatal care and being treated badly shoud I go to the hospital for needed care. I am very concerned about feeling birth trama/birth rape/PTSD/postpartum depression from a negative experience. I am already feeling like I don't have any say over my body with this practice. I told my husband I feel like I'm signing up for a date rape. (So sorry if I am offending anyone that has been through a sexual assault. I just don't know how else to describe the intense feelings I am having.)


I don't see any hospital situation in this area being any better. Florida is a sucky place for OBs. Malpractice is a big issue and I think that OBs are practicing defensivly. This area is also hostile to homebirth and midwifery in general. Every homebirth midwife and birth center practice I interviewed scared me with lack of knowledge/ability to treat because of laws or had such narrow ideas of normal that I didn't stand a chance of not being transfered in the end.


I worry about the baby being held unessisarily and being treated badly because of not having standard prenatal care. Slightly less so on the baby's part becuase my family and I are well known at the children's hospital. My son has lukemia so we are there a lot, have been in and out of the emergnacy room and OR, dealt with the lactation folks and the milk bank, and know the social workers there. They know we are good, reponsable parents. I feel confident i could call in tones of folks as caracter witnesses if anyone wanted to make trouble for the baby.


So here I am up in the middle of the night contimplating canceling my next appointment and just doing self care and continuing to work long distance with my out-of-state midwife who will travel for my birth or even having a UC. I am contiplating playing along until 30 weeks and then not going back so that I can have access to testing if I need it. But it does seem crazy on some level to do this. I do not trust this paractice one bit right now. I think I could be better off just going to the ER if there is a problem. Or should I just switch to the high risk practice since that's were I'm bound to end up?


My DH told me to stop going to the MW/OB. He also told me he would be comfortable with a UC if it meant staying far away from the hospital for a normal birth. This is a huge change in his attitude from our last birth. I wanted to concider a UC and he was very against it.


We both would idealy like to have our dear friend and trusted out-of-state midwife here. She is amazing and we feel so safe with her. She helped me have a wonderful, healing labor and birth with my son. Her massage in active labor alone made her worth her weight in gold. She was gentle and sheperded us through the early days of dealing with having a baby with down syndrom, not an experience anyone else I know had with their SN baby's birth. She came to us to help us through the early days of my son's lukemia diagnosis, again showering us with love and emotional healing. She was there to save my life after a PPH with my daughter (first birth).



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