Birth Chat - November

[cedarwoman]

I know I'm not the only one with giving birth on her mind... wanted to have a spot to post my evolving thoughts/worries/musings and hoped others would perhaps be interested in the same, would love to hear what's going through your head!

[cedarwoman]

Today, for example, I took a look at the webcam for one of the high points on the highway the midwives will travel on to get to me:

So I'm thinking a lot about the 'back up plan' - the possibility of giving birth unassisted, or going to the hospital without the midwives to be attended by an OB who is a very nice man, but not what I want at all unless it's medically indicated. Thinking that if the road is closed it could be about 4 hours before the midwives can get to me, which *should* be just fine... wondering how long labour will be, hoping my doula-friend would be comfortable with my birthing unassisted if it came to that... thinking of all the things I need to talk about with people really... not to mention husband!

Imagining walking around the house in labour, finding all the best spots to lean on, imagining birthing in front of the fireplace, in the bed, in the bathroom, on the kitchen floor, wondering if I should try to 'pick' a spot to birth...

Wondering what the dogs and cats will do...

[Marinwoo]

Thanks for bringing it up!

I'm also thinking a lot about labor.  I'm hoping there isn't too much snow/bad weather when I need to travel to the birth center.  Funny enough I'm not as nervous about labor as I am about taking care of baby when she arrives.  I'm also thinking about how droopy my body will be and how I'm sure I'm gonna feel negatively about it postpartum (probably normal).

It's a really weird feeling to have something so incredibly important just around the corner yet having no ability to predict when/where/how it happens!

[rtjunker]

I'm not feeling too worried about the actual birth. I live right down the street, maybe seven blocks away, from the hospital with birth center I plan to go to. So no worries about that, even if DH has to drag me down the street. If any complications arise and I can't have the natural birth I want, I can easily be transferred to L&D from Family Beginnings(the natural birth center in the hospital).

I'm much more worried about having a baby to care for every day, and hoping she has an easy going personality. Despite my love of babies and kids, and experiences caregiving for toddlers to grandmas, the reality of having a tiny little being dependent on me all of the time is a little intimidating. Especially when I talk to some moms with babies I know, who feel such a sense of isolation being new moms, not being able to live their lives for themselves anymore. I have no real idea what to expect.

I've witnessed two births, and it's over before you know it, whether it lasts 2 days or 2 hours. A child is for the rest of my life.

[Conchobhar]

Holy cow, Cederwoman!  That road freaked me out!

[rtjunker]

Originally Posted by Conchobhar 

Holy cow, Cederwoman!  That road freaked me out!

I agree, if I had that road to contend with I'd be a bit nervous.

[Devaskyla]

I was worrying a lot early on, but I'm calm now. I just wish dh were! He really hates the idea of not having any other adults in the house, despite the fact that for the last 2 kids, we only had someone else right at the very end. The idea of having to be responsible terrifies him.

I've been trying to think of the best way to organize thins so I can manage all/most of the birth completely on my own. I'm really hoping it goes quickly because in my ideal world (& dh's) the baby is born while he's out or asleep & he doesn't have to worry about it.  I'm even making plans for how to contact him for help if he's sleeping upstairs & I'm in the pool in the basement with a baby.

I'm really worried about having the birth pool in the basement. It's the easiest place & we can blow it up & leave it, but it's so COLD down there. Already planning on running the dryer (will be right next to pool) with towels/blankets as soon as pushing starts so we can have warm things to cover the baby & I with. I really want to get 5 or 6 thick cheap comforters to put under the pool & get it off the cement, but I have no way to get to a thrift store to get such a thing.

[AfricanQueen99]

I haven't put any thought on birth is months.  Bad mom, I guess.  When it comes down to it I'd love to have this baby at home, but I don't want to do it alone while my kids are here.  My other two came late at night so I'm guessing the next one will, too.  It's all a crap shoot.  And I *really* don't want to have to clean up after the birth!

[softlysinging]

It's been creeping into my thoughts a bit more lately - I am 33.5 weeks so it really could be in just a little over a month...  I'm not worried about it, just curious to see how this one goes and what it will be like compared to my others.  I don't live where it snows so no weather/road issues to stress me out thankfully!

[HardCoreMom]

i guess i could end up as an accidental UC, too.  i live on a quiet mountain road, and the town's not really fast to plow it in the winter.  this september, our road got washed out in hurricane irene, and shut down by fallen trees in the freak nor'easter from 2 weeks back- my street really takes a beating!  we get a lot of snow in the winter, and DH is adamant that he'll shovel us the whole way down to the birth center if he has to (40 minutes from here).  it's all gonna depend on the timing.  sometimes we get snowed in for a few days here, and there's really nothing anyone can do.  i get kind of excited to think about a UC, to be honest, but i know i am woefully unprepared for one.  and i really, really don't want to have to transport to our local hospital- it's disgusting and not at all mother/baby-friendly.  i guess i should just aim to get to the birth center.

i know i've seen someone (devaskyla?) post links on how to prepare for an unintended home delivery- can someone repost those?

i can't believe that some of us january mamas will be delivering babies in just a few weeks!  so exciting!  i'm sure i'll be one of the last ones to go, and i'll enjoy cheering you guys on!

[moonSnail]

I do NOT envy you guys with the winter road worries.... I can see how that would be a bit stressful.  We really don't get hardly any snow around here.... just rain, rain, and more rain.... so all I have to worry about are folks tracking in mud and wet leaves!  Not too bad at all....

This is my second baby so I have worries about the things that gave me trouble and excitement for the things that were simply incredible.... it's a big mixture.  I'm most curious about how my son is going to handle it, as we plan to have him at the birth.  He has been well prepared so far and there is still more we can do.  He's excited for it, too.  I just hope the intensity of it all isn't too much for him when it actually comes..... I'd really love him to get to experience the birth of his sibling.  Any other mamas plan to have older kids at the birth this go around or have you been through it in the past with older siblings?  How'd it go?

[Sweet.Bee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by moonSnail 

Any other mamas plan to have older kids at the birth this go around or have you been through it in the past with older siblings?

We're still trying to decide whether to birth at home, but if we do, our son will be nearby. I don't want to freak him out, so his daddy will play with him in his room if he gets stressed or worried. For all I know, he'd comfort me. He did that when I cried recently (hormonal pregnant lady ).

Though I am kind of hoping he sleeps through it, then wakes up shortly after birth to meet his little sister. That way, my husband can take care of me during labor.

We're not so worried about snow, as they are freakishly fast at clearing the roads here. Also, the midwives are ~15 minutes away. Because of my previous speedy labor, though, I'm guessing my husband would tell them to not take their time in coming.

[montessorimama1]

Yikes, I sure don't envy the ladies that live in snowy areas!  Honestly, my biggest worry is that my husband won't finish the construction project in time and I'll have to labor under scaffolding.  I'm not worried about the actual labor or delivery.  I've been told my midwives are amazingly calm and stay out of the way, which I'm really happy about.  My husband is very open about his role in the birth, so I will be able to control how many people surround me while I labor.  My mom flies in on the 4th (I'm due the 12th) so chances are good she'll get here before the baby does, and will help with the cooking and cleaning.

My biggest worries are AFTER the birth and after my mom goes home, managing my husband's expectations about me getting back in shape and his concerns about not being a good-enough father.  A close friend is coaching us in breathing techniques, so I've asked her to discuss the mother's recovery and how to care for a newborn, so that my husband's expectations match reality a little more.  Something tells me labor will be a piece of cake compared to the first two months, unless I do something to help my husband prepare...

[Conchobhar]

Originally Posted by HardCoreMom 

i guess i could end up as an accidental UC, too.  i live on a quiet mountain road, and the town's not really fast to plow it in the winter.  this september, our road got washed out in hurricane irene, and shut down by fallen trees in the freak nor'easter from 2 weeks back- my street really takes a beating!  we get a lot of snow in the winter, and DH is adamant that he'll shovel us the whole way down to the birth center if he has to (40 minutes from here).  it's all gonna depend on the timing.  sometimes we get snowed in for a few days here, and there's really nothing anyone can do.  i get kind of excited to think about a UC, to be honest, but i know i am woefully unprepared for one.  and i really, really don't want to have to transport to our local hospital- it's disgusting and not at all mother/baby-friendly.  i guess i should just aim to get to the birth center.

i know i've seen someone (devaskyla?) post links on how to prepare for an unintended home delivery- can someone repost those?

i can't believe that some of us january mamas will be delivering babies in just a few weeks!  so exciting!  i'm sure i'll be one of the last ones to go, and i'll enjoy cheering you guys on!

I'm glad I don't have a mountain road to deal with, but the looming threat of a snowstorm is something I'm worried about.  I have this huge fear of being a passenger in a car while it's snowing.  I either have to be the driver or I don't go out (rather, the rare times I haven't been the driver...whoever's driving usually regrets it because I panic).  I don't know how I'm going to handle it if it's snowing and I go into labor.  Maybe I'll get lucky and the pain will be so much by then that I won't care who's driving.

[Devaskyla]

Emergency Childbirth is a good book to have read, just in case you have an accidental UC. Some of the info is out of date (mainly the CPR stuff), but the rest is the main things you need to know. http://www.rixafreeze.com/pdf/gregorywhite.pdf Get your partner to read it too. Might be reassuring for them. I have to dig mine out for dh. Hopefully he won't be trying to read it while the baby is crowning this time. I'll flip through it & see if there's any other info that you should have updated. There's also this link which is basically a summary of the most important points http://gentlebirth.org/archives/birth.html#Emergence

As for supplies, if you think you might end up with an unassisted birth, you really don't need much & most things you'll have on hand anyway, especially if you were planning a home birth. I'd personally make sure to have some Shepherd's Purse on hand, either tincture or leaves for tea, in case you're bleeding more than you're comfortable with. You can also be prepared to eat a piece of placenta in that case. Other than that, some scissors you can boil to cut the cord if no one is going to be able to get to you within a few hours, something to put the placenta in, something to tie off the cord (we usually used a boiled new shoelace or embroidery), warm towels/blankets....Birth is a lot easier than people make it seem. :)

[Mommy2anangel]

I've been thinking a lot about the birth. My last was an incredibly fast, unknown breech and while my fears are dissipating, it's still on the back of my mind- having another super fast, intense labor/delivery. But the breech isn't a concern this time, we'll be monitoring baby's position religiously. One concern on my mind though is delivering early, but only because I've been cramping a lot, having loose BM and just overall feeling like it might be early.

[element2012]

I really feel for you mamas that have to deal with the snow!  It must add a lot of anxiety to the the upcoming delivery.  Maybe writing down your labor plan, including all contingencies for weather, and discussing with all parties involved would help for a little peace of mind.  I think all of us can benefit from reading up on unassisted childbirth, just in case...

For me my biggest anxiety right now is that moment after the midwife leaves, and OHMIGOSH what do I do with a baby!??!?!  I now really see the benefit of a hospital birth in that regard, you have plenty of help to deal with that first day/few days of being a new mom.  My DH and I have been going back and forth about how to handle family (our moms especially) in those first few days following the birth.  He more or less wants the moms to wait a few days to come over, so that we can establish our bond and space together.  I totally feel that too, but on the other hand I also am beginning to have a fear about my emotional state, being exhausted and overwhelmed with this massive change.  Although I don't have the closest relationship with my mom, I am starting to feel like I am going to *need* her to be there for me.  Now I just have to figure out how to balance between making sure I have the support I need, and making sure that we still have plenty of space to grow into this change together.

[cedarwoman]

@element2012 I can totally relate! I am worried about falling asleep for the first time. I am pretty sure we will be cosleeping so I know 'rationally' that mamas who do this are quite in tune with baby's needs... but I'm still really apprehensive about that first time. I feel like I want someone to just watch me and baby and DH sleep to make sure we are all okay! I'm also feeling the lack of prep that I've done for the baby - still haven't gotten all my CD stash together, and I'll be 34 weeks on Tuesday. Realistically, with baby head down, BH contractions steady and relentless in terms of intensity (but not regularity) I'd be quite shocked if LO is much past 38-9 weeks. For some reason 38 weeks sounds manageable, and I panic if I think 37.5...

Speaking of contractions... first baby, so everything that is going on is new & interesting... they've gotten SO much stronger in the last week, sometimes my whole (very low) uterus lifts up, like it's being lifted by an ocean wave... and 2-3x per day I get a REALLY crazy one that lasts about a minute and makes my back ache in a really weird way... then when it goes away I have this weird euphoria that I actually am kind of enjoying, but I am also exhausted at the same time! It puts me in kind of a weird headspace. I can concentrate in a really distant way, like I could maybe even drive a car or something, but I'm detatched from what's going on around me, like I'm in a separate universe that happens to be transparent and I can still interact with the world... but remain separate at the same time. If any of that makes ANY sense. 

So this all has me thinking about what labour might be like... 

Sometimes I get excited about the ride, sometimes I get anxious about all I have "yet to do" and all the practical things I need to take care of (such as how I'll corral my dogs when the midwives arrive on the non-snowy road. Positive thinking, right? Also making a backup list of people with big trucks ;)

[softlysinging]

Originally Posted by element2012 

I now really see the benefit of a hospital birth in that regard, you have plenty of help to deal with that first day/few days of being a new mom.  

I guess if you consider being interrupted like 20 times a day helpful.  I hate it.  That's why I try to go home as soon as I can.  

[montessorimama1]

Originally Posted by element2012 

For me my biggest anxiety right now is that moment after the midwife leaves, and OHMIGOSH what do I do with a baby!??!?! 

I feel the same way, which is why I'm thankful my mom will be here (at least I hope she makes it from Mexico to San Diego before the baby is born).  My mom is very respectful of my space, but I still think that it's super important to establish rules and boundaries with any mom, because they have the natural drive to take over and be nurturers.  As new moms, I think it's important that we're given the space to make mistakes and figure things out on our own so that we can really get to know our babies.  Too much well-meaning advice can be overwhelming, but it sure is comforting to know that if I'm at the end of my rope I can hand the baby over to my mom for a few minutes while I compose myself (because goodness knows I can't hand the baby to my husband, he'll probably be more out of sorts than me!)

I hope you can find the right balance with your mom, too.